


Collection of 27 Random Calzona Oneshots

by neolithicdream



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-06
Updated: 2014-11-28
Packaged: 2018-02-24 07:17:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 67,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2572922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neolithicdream/pseuds/neolithicdream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This first one is set in Season Five just before their first meeting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Done

**Author's Note:**

> I've written these over a few years. Some of these are embarassingly bad ( I like to think my writing has improved with practice). But I'm not editing them so they appear as originally posted on Live Journal over the years. Some were written just after Season 6, some more recently. That also explains some of the names for family members etc...
> 
> All Calzona, some happy, some sad: some follow Canon, some diverge a little but none are extremely AU.

Just another in a long list of things tried and things failed.  
That’s all.  
Ok, this one was a biggie, this wasn’t like the line dancing fiasco in College (seriously she was a Cuban American, she had rhythm, who knew she couldn’t dance to Garth Brooks?) Or the time she took up knitting during her intern year because someone said it was relaxing (she had been one more dropped stitch away from stabbing the little old lady instructor with her own needles).

And yes suddenly deciding (was it a decision?) to sleep with her friend Erica was in a different league to those fashion disasters of the eighties and nineties – stone washed jeans did nothing for her and who could ever forget her disastrous big hair frosted perm – her mother threatened to disown her after that one – but still it was just one more thing tried, that’s all.

Line dancing – tried - failed.  
Knitting – tried - failed.  
Legwarmers, awful jeans, big blonde hair – tried - failed.  
Marriage – tried – failed.  
Women – tried- failed.

Sure the last two were in a bigger league but that’s what happens when you get older; the stakes are raised the failures more spectacular. 

And that’s what she is – a spectacular failure. So much for being a kick ass surgeon. She really thought that medicine, surgery, orthopaedics would be her saviour – being good at that, being a rock star at that would change everything. But no. She was still the hair chewing nerd, the science geek who had to try new things, all the time, trying to be something she was not, trying new things so that she wouldn’t have to admit that this was who she was, what she was, a failure. A failure in everything and everywhere except the O.R. Oh and meaningless sex, she was good at that too, just so long as she kept the emotions out of it.

So this is who she was, is - Callie Torres – kickass surgeon and sex automaton.

No more trying, no more experimenting, she was done.  
If at first you don’t succeed, stop! That would be her new motto.  
She had tried the love and marriage thing with George and it had kicked her in the teeth. More to her surprise she had tried the woman thing and Erica had slapped her in the face “you can’t be kind of a lesbian”

She had really thought that she and Erica...that what they had might turn into something real; she thought she had done it right this time, taken it slowly, been friends first, all the clichés and still the outcome was the same. She left alone, standing there, looking like an idiot, a failure.

No she was done. No more trying. She was giving up. Her dream was over. No husband (wife?), no white picket fence, no children.  
Callie laughed bitterly to herself as she wandered into Joes and sat at her usual spot at the bar; Joe, instinctively knowing by her face that tonight Tequila was on the menu, poured her a long one and shuffled off leaving her to her thoughts.

Children, hah! Motherhood! Can you imagine how much she could fuck that one up? It was one thing failing as a wife and another as a lesbian but just imagine what an awesome (god she hated that word) catastrophe that would be. 

No, she was done. No more trying. No more relationships  
But God loves a trier, right? And she was who she was so could she really just give up? There was just this aching need in her, to love and be loved. Was that really so much to ask? And it’s not like she had this dysfunctional childhood deprived of the oxygen of love – no – she had an amazing childhood, a wonderful loving family, her sister, her parents and a plethora of cousins and Aunts and the obligatory doting grandparents. Her childhood was all about love, a resounding success.

Love. That’s all she wanted.

Still women? No now she was done with that. Erica was just a one off, right? And God certainly wouldn’t want her trying that again, would he? Not her God, well her parents God to be more accurate. And her parents? How would they have reacted? It hadn’t mattered, she hadn’t thought of any of that in her headlong rush towards her new found desire for women, well one woman. It hadn’t seemed wrong; it had felt right, spellbindingly wonderfully right. Surprising and new and yet once she and Erica had gotten over their mutual nerves it had felt natural and old, well not old but like an old possession, always there just never noticed before. And then once noticed remembered from all those other times in the past.

All those times when she had noticed the female form, now remembered. From High school - the girl who had befriended her in Science class and then abandoned her when a boy had come along – feelings of abandonment now looking with hindsight a lot like jealousy. Her roommate in College whose perfect body she envied – was it envy or desire? The much older nurse at the out clinic in Botswana whose presence always made her feel uncomfortable – discomfort or awakening?

Well she was done with that anyway. No she would find herself a new Sloan (now that Mark seemed all “Lexified”) and be done with it all except meaningless physical sex. 

Speaking of Lexie, here she was “Do you think he’ll tell him?”

“He’s an idiot if he doesn’t”  
“Hey, are you okay?”  
“Uh, yeah, just over thinking”

She got up and scurried to the bathroom; if she was going to breakdown it wouldn’t be in public. She was done with that too. No she would allow herself a moment in the cubicle, a moment to mourn her dreams of love and marriage and companionship – with men or women – and motherhood and then she would be done with it.

The tears flowed and then she was done. Back outside at the mirror she stared at her tear stained face and tried some running repairs. She sighed deeply. Yes she was done with all of that. 

She heard the door behind her creak gently as it opened inwards, ignoring it as she applied the finishing touches to her face.

“Hey, ortho, right?”


	2. From a Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SUMMARY: Set (in Season 7) sometime after Sofia is home, maybe before or after the Wedding. Boundaries have been set, some distance has been placed between Mark and Callie. Callie ponders her friendship with Mark from a distance.

They had all agreed on boundaries. So while they had the keys to each other’s apartments it was now merely on a good neighbour basis. Mark could only use the key if he genuinely believed someone was dead or dying on the other side of the door. Other than in an emergency he phoned before coming over and “emergency” did not include being lonely or bored or running out of apples.

Callie had agreed to the boundaries, not because she really thought they were necessary but because Arizona seemed to need them. Mark, of course felt they were over the top and Arizona just prayed that they would be enforced.

Mark still felt the same, Arizona was pleasantly surprised but it was Callie who had undergone a sea change. She loved her friend but the more distance put between them the more she realised that Mark really was only a friend, a good one but still one whom she could function quite happily without 90% of the time. 

In fact now she was the one who wished he’d leave when he lingered after picking up or leaving back their baby girl; the one who rolled her eyes when he arrived too soon. The more the boundaries were enforced the more she wanted to enforce them. And the more distance that those boundaries placed between them the more distance she craved.

Mark was still the same old Mark but she was different now. Maybe it was motherhood, maybe it was marriage; maybe it was the fact that she had almost died, that their baby almost died; maybe it was because she’d almost lost Arizona once too often, maybe it was simply that she had Arizona now, an all-in Arizona. Maybe all of those reasons were at play but for the first time in her life Callie Torres truly felt like an adult, a confident happy adult. And with the certain knowledge that she had her wife in her corner, always prepared to back her up in public and, when necessary, tell her some home truths in private, well she didn’t need her best friend the way she needed him in the past. She had matured, had grown up. She was still the same old Callie, just a little different.

He was still the same old Mark, just not different at all. And therein lay the problem. People change, change can be good or bad but it is inevitable. But Mark hadn’t changed. She worried about him really because she did care about him, she cared deeply. He reminded her now of those guys you meet at your Ten Year High school reunion. The ones who haven’t changed a bit. And you’re supposed to change between 18 and 28.

And you’re supposed to change as life happens to you and Mark had a lot of life happen to him recently. Discovering his daughter Sloane, almost being a grandfather, losing his almost grandson; finding his so called soul-mate in Lexie, losing her, finding her again, becoming an expectant father, losing Lexie again and then the ultimate in life changing events: Sofia Robbin Sloan Torres.

And yet Mark was still Mark, too much so. It really was amazing what a little bit of distance could do to ones perception of things. Distance changed ones perspective. From a distance she could see that sometimes their friendship was based on the negative. It’s much easier to be immature with someone than on your own. And all that sex, great as it was, had never really solved her problems. Sex with Mark had been a temporary fix, a painkiller that never really cured the cause of the pain. Not when she was broken up with George nor after their ill-fated marriage after a hasty reunion. Not before, during and after Erica and as sure as hell not when Arizona was in Africa. Not that she could regret all the sex, after all that’s how Sofia happened.

No her friendship with Mark had eased the pain many times but underneath the cause of the pain had been allowed to fester unchecked and unchecked wounds ultimately hurt more.

Her friendship with Mark had caused so many problems too with Arizona; she used to think that it was borne out of her innate dislike of the man or simple, unjustified jealousy. Yet Arizona had seen what she did not-what only became apparent to her the moment that pink line appeared on the pregnancy test.

And furthermore Arizona did not really dislike Mark. In fact had Arizona not been Callie’s girlfriend Callie could imagine they would have been friends...sort of like they were now becoming. In fact, being one of the few women truly insusceptible to his charms (Miranda Bailey, it seemed, was another) Arizona had always given as good as she got with Sloan; they at times engaged in a playful colourful innuendo filled banter that sometimes shocked even her. That was when Arizona would remind her that behind the smiles and the Disney movies was the girl that grew up on military bases in a household of Marines. Arizona Robbins was no shrinking violet.

Now from a distance she could see that as wonderfully supportive as Mark could be their friendship was at times a little toxic. It’s not as hard being blind and selfish and immature when you have a partner in crime. It’s easy to blame everyone else for your woes when your best friend agrees with you. And that’s what Mark had done for her and she had done for Mark. They had forgotten that sometimes being a friend meant telling you that you are wrong.

They had become each other’s emotional crutch so that they never needed to truly learn to walk.

And then she met her Arizona. And sure Arizona and her were not perfect. They had taken many a misstep-together and apart. Callie had fallen down many times but eventually she had let go of her crutches and learned to walk. She was now an adult. Maybe without Arizona standing at the other end of the room as the most gorgeous destination she might never have learned but she did and now she was all grown up.

Maybe that’s what her friend Mark needed now-he needed his Arizona. From a distance Callie knew she could not be his crutch any longer; she had too much to lose. Still she loved Mark, cared for him deeply and hoped he found his incentive to learn to walk. If not then Mark would be one of those sad pathetic middle-aged lonely men, forever chasing skirt, never learning how to walk proud and independently. And she didn’t want a man like that as Sofia’s Dad and she didn’t want that life for her friend because for all his faults there was a good, kind, noble and loyal adult waiting to emerge and to shine.

She thought that Lexie had been his Arizona...now she wasn’t so sure. Lexie was immature, and she was young so she had every right to be but she had grown more in their relationship than Mark ever had.

What her friend Mark needed was someone who was a fully fledged grown up not afraid to kick his butt but also one who could see through his bluster to the kind sensitive heart that lay hidden underneath. She hoped he would find that person for his sake.

This she could see now from a distance - a distance she was very happy existed and was determined to maintain.


	3. The more things change, the more things stay the same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Callie never did let Jamie Anders write her phone number on her hand after her knee surgery (Season 6 Ep.21). Written for the Calzona Board Butterfly Effect Chall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had forgotten I ever wrote this , it seems so long ago. Somewhat AUish

“I’m going to lose her, Teddy.”

“What? Susie Carlton? Her cardio results today were good...excellent even, she’s on the mend, your Peds magic fairy dust worked again.” As she spoke Teddy Altman thought about their seven year old patient and the four surgical procedures they had carried out on her together. When she had first seen Susie’s charts and scans she had thought it hopeless but Arizona convinced her to give it a shot.

Arizona Robbins was the first attending, aside from Owen, that she had got to know at SGMW. She had heard of her, of course; really how could you not if you kept up with the medical journals (and even in Iraq she had). However while Dr. Robbins reputation may have preceded her it really didn’t do her justice. Yes she was an amazingly talented surgeon, she would have been a God in Cardio, which of course to Teddy was the ‘Gold Ring’ of specialities, but in Peds you had to be more than just a great ‘cutter’. Teddy had never seen a surgeon with such empathy with her patients or indeed their families and yet she did it with a truly unique style. She had the uber confidence that all great surgeons had to have and she was definitely a type A personality but she conducted herself with such grace around the hospital and had such a sunny disposition that Teddy could easily understand why her little patients adored her and why their parents trusted her judgement. She hadn’t been at SGMW all that much longer than Teddy, just over a year more, and was young for a Department head, but she ruled her Peds department with an iron fist yet had the near adoration of all her staff nonetheless.

“No, I meant...Calliope. We, I...think that we...I’m going to lose her, she’s going to break up with me...”

“What? No, no...you two are solid, you guys are the stable couple, she adores you...why are you even worried about this?”

“She wants kids, well at least one kid, for now but I know she’d want more...she has so much love to give and I love that about her I really do but she’d have ten kids if she could and she’d fall in love with each of them and now she says she doesn’t need kids, doesn’t want them and...” 

“Arizona,I’m confused...whats the problem here? That Callie wants more kids than you or that she doesn’t want them yet? How many do you want? And when do you want them? You know with the merger and the recession and Callie just making attending this year she probably wants to just wait a while and...”

“None and never to answer your questions.”

“What? You don’t want.. ”

“I don’t want kids ever, never have, never will. And before you say it yes I know its not ‘womanly’ and it must mean that I’m cold and dead inside and...

“Ah, Arizona...come on... I don’t think that... I’m just surprised ...

“It’s what Callie thinks.” 

“I’m sure she doesn’t think that...she loves you...shes crazy about you and obviously when you talked about children before she must have accepted that and..”

“We didn’t talk about kids before, it just came up recently and now I’m so afraid I’m going to lose her and maybe I should just let her go and let her be happy but I want her in my life and...”

“Wait you guys have been together for a year and you never talked about kids until now? Why not? Don’t you think you should have told her before now?”

“Why is it my fault? She should have told me she wanted kids, why did she just assume that I wanted them? She never gave any indication that she wanted kids, even when shes in my NICU shes all ‘cute baby, eew baby spit’ and ‘ooh this ones a bit smelly’ and now suddenly out of the blue its ‘I want a baby, I need a baby’ and I’m the bad guy? Arizona said somewhat petulantly and then more pessimistically “And its not a year, its been 16 months, the most amazing 16 months and I’m not ready for this to be over, I don’t want it to be over....and damn there goes my pager, I, I have to go just...forget I said anything. 

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Teddy was stunned. Stunned that Arizona opened up to her; stunned that Arizona didn’t want kids, stunned that her aspirational couple were in trouble. Arizona and Callie were the couple in this hospital. A hospital notorious for inter staff relationships, some less appropriate than others, threw up some unusual couples over the years but few as well liked, as well loved and apparently as well matched as the perky blonde peds surgeon and the big hearted rockstar ortho surgeon. For Teddy Altman, a romantic at heart(well hidden by a cynical army trained shell) they were her aspirational couple. They couldn’t break up, could they? They were crazy about each other, crazy in love, it shone from them. If they couldn’t make it, with all that love, well then there was no hope for anyone, certainly not for Teddy and her unrequited love for Owen.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Callie trudged her way home, her feet felt like lead. Really she would have preferred to go to Joes and, after several shots of Tequila, go home and curl up in her bed-alone, but Arizona was waiting for her at home. She had sounded all excited in the voicemail she had left on Callies cell. Six weeks ago, Callie knew, she would practically have sprinted to the apartment...but now...

Her relationship with Arizona Robbins was the best thing that had ever happened to her...it was, almost from the beginning, easy and comfortable and just...right ...while simultaneously being exciting and scary and sexy and romantic and new and ....Oh God, most of the last 16 months was just bliss, even with the abandonment by her parents, even with the awfulness that was Georges death, the guilt that came with Izzie Stevens cancer, all the roadblocks that they had met in their relationship...Arizona just made her feel so damn happy and safe and secure...Arizona Robbins made her feel that she could achieve anything, do anything..as long as she had Arizona at her side she knew that Arizona would always have her back..she loved that beautiful woman so much and the greatest miracle of all..Arizona loved her right back.

But Arizona didn’t want kids. This amazing loving gorgeous kind hearted woman who spent her days trying to keep children alive, saving more kids than any medical statistician would believe, who spent countless (off the clock hours) playing with “her”kids, who clearly loved kids, their company, their innocence, their minds and was universally adored by her patients...she didn’t want kids of her own, not with Callie, not now, not ever.

And Callie wanted kids, more than she ever realised. Sure she had tried to get pregnant with George but that had less to do with kids than saving her doomed marriage. And to quote that god awful country song “sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers” because had she and George somehow struggled on and had a baby they would have been miserable and she would have missed out on that life changing relationship with Erica that led, after many miserable tearfilled nights,to the miracle of her and Arizona.  
It was only when she heard Arizona icily utter the words “I thought I liked my life with you in it, I hope I wasn’t wrong” that she realised how much she wanted children, or at least one. And it was at that same time she realised that she did not, want to live without Arizona. She was her one, her forever. And so she decided to give up or at least modify her dream. Big house, picket fence, Arizona, dog and no kids...and no goddamn chickens either! She chose Arizona... that was six weeks ago.

 

But just because she had decided didn’t make it easy. And then there were days like today and Jamie Anders. Yes ...Jamie Anders and her really messed up patella...it was nice...just a bit of innocent flirting...with a cute girl...she was no Arizona...but god...it was nice...just for a few minutes...to just imagine something ...with all the possibilities still there...sure it was just a few minutes of ‘the grass is always greener on the other side’...a few minutes when the possibility of kids was still there...beautiful, tiny small ‘new baby’ smelling kids.

 

But those kids wouldn’t look like Arizona, they wouldn’t have her dimples,her blonde hair,her eyes..oh god those eyes that varied from perky happy bright sunny sky blue to deep,ocean,deep lust filled attending scrub navy...and even if she, Callie,was the one carrying the kids,she knew that the only other parent she wanted them to have had to answer to the name Arizona.

 

So she had politely but firmly declined Jamie's offer of her phone number saying “I’m really flattered, super flattered, but I’m not really sure how I could explain to my amazing gorgeous, girlfriend why I have a cute girls number on my hand!”

“Ah well, I tried? And my gaydar wasn’t hurt in the accident! And you think I’m cute! And if it doesn’t work out with your amazing gorgeous girlfriend who knows I might see you around?”

“Good luck, Jamie...hope you have no problems with the knee’.”

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Hey! We scored! My cousins said we can use their time share so Fiji! We can either go at the end of this month or if we need to rearrange our surgical schedules we can go at the end of next month and..”  
“This month, I really need to get away from that Hospital, I need a break,we need a break together so..”  
“Yay,Fiji” 

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Arizona approached her friend cautiously, she was embarrassed..in a moment of weakness (and despair) she had offloaded stuff, private stuff, onto Teddy that she shouldn’t have and ...her Dad had taught her to be stronger than that...to stand on her own two feet and she shouldn’t have said anything to Teddy...it was a betrayal of her and Callie, a betrayal of, of...well...she just wasn’t the kind of person who opened up like that and ya ,the other day was tough..she had overheard Lexie Grey and Percy sniggering about her Calliope and the steamy flirting with a patient and she knew Calliope wouldn’t cheat on her with some chick but still they had been going through a rough patch and.. but now they were going to FiJi and it was going to be awesome and...she was going to show Calliope just how amazing it could be ..their future..just the two of them...no responsibilities outside of their jobs...they could be awesome rockstar surgeons and then go home and just be awesome together... and Fiji..well it was just going to be a glimpse of how amazing their life together could be..just the two of them..in love..together. Yeah Fiji wasn’t just some three week break on a beach..no Fiji represented much,much more..it was their future... it was Spain,it was Sangria,it was Bikinis,it was their blissful,fulfilled childfree life together.

 

“The other day, sorry, Teddy for unloading on you...can you just forget I said anything and..”

“Arizona, thats what friends are for...you’re not the only one allowed to be an awesome friend ...you can talk to me anytime, about anything”.  
.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 

Fiji was...as anyone who has ever been to Fiji knows .. amazing. They spent a couple of days each on the two main Islands but really Fiji was all about the other islands...the tiny ones the slightly bigger ones and the larger(but still not so big) ones. Paradise...clear as crystal water...warmed by the tropics...blue and green and yellow fish swimming inches above pure white sand... and the Fijian Islanders..so friendly...the men confident in their sexuality..wearing floral skirts and large red native flowers behind their ears; the women with their natural sexy hip-swaying gait...no size zeros in sight and those smiles!

They had island hopped, using Arizonas cousins time share as their main base. Diving, snorkelling, swimming, lounging about at the pool and on countless pristine near deserted beaches...it was the closest thing to paradise...they wore their bikinis and sometimes they didn’t...they made love and pledged eternal love to each other...time after time...and they each did their damnedest not to think, not to even consider the elephant in the room.

The last island they went to was a small little pacific island called Mana Island. They stayed in the ‘nice resort’ but it was such a tiny island that of course they wandered onto the other part of the island..the part with the backpacker hostels directly adjacent to the real village and the school and the tiny clinic. And of course Arizona got talking to the local teacher and the local nurse and they spent two of their last three days in Fiji in the school and in the clinic...And it was amazing but Callie could not but wonder why it was that her beloved girlfriend could not spend even three weeks away from the tiny little humans..and why someone so clearly compatible, so attuned to children, so in love with children, would not even contemplate or discuss having just one tiny human with her. Was it Arizona or was it her?

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

They were in the baggage area of SeaTac when they heard ,still in that post holiday happy state. CNN carrying ...a live feed from outside their hospital, their home! They clung to each other, disbelieving what they were seeing, what they were hearing...a mass shooting at SGMW, ...a gunman(or gunmen) on the rampage),three confirmed dead(all believed to be staff),countless injured, one witness saying the gunman ...appeared to be seeking out surgeons to shoot. They left their bags there and just hailed a cab direct to SGMW. And there they stood, for what seemed hours, clinging to each other, worried about everyone but especially their own close friends,in the maelstrom of rumour and counter rumour. Callie praying to the God she believed in, Arizona praying to any God who would listen; each thankful that neither of them were inside and feeling immense guilt that they were not.

 

When Arizona spotted Teddy and again when Callie saw her Ortho staff..they were relieved to hear who was out...and terrified at who was still inside ... No-one knew about Bailey or Karev or Yang. Chief Webber had been outside but had gone back in...both Callie and Arizona had crossed swords with him in recent times but especially to Callie he was like a father figure. And Derek Shepherd...he was said to be dead..shot by the crazed gunman..Arizona prayed like she had not prayed since a teenager..Derek was her Male McDreamy he was her Chief..please God no! When they saw Reeds body being taken out..thats when it ceased being a nightmare..this was real..people had died..people had died to day..people who thought they had their whole lives in front of them had died..just because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

 

And as the days passed and the lists of victims and injured were released and the stories of near misses became clear both Callie and Arizona dealt with it separately, dealt with it the same and differently.

They both realised that life was too short...too short not to just go for it..reach for their dreams because if not now,if not today then their might not be a tomorrow. When Cristina and Owen announced their engagement only weeks later and their marriage shortly thereafter Arizona knew she didn’t want to hold back any longer..whatever the future held she knew in the present she wanted Calliope, she knew she had been holding back from fully committing, thinking of her long held impossible dream and she let it go. That was a dream, Calliope was her reality. So at the wedding in Meredith and Dereks home she asked Calliope if she could move in, well officially seeing as she basically lived there already, cos she wanted more than one drawer, she wanted a whole closet and half a hairdryer and she knew it could have been more romantic but when Calliope had said yes..oh God..at that moment..all seemed right with the world again.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Gary Clarke was the gunmans name..he had taken several of their colleagues.

 

Clarke had only wanted to kill Shepherd and Webber and Little Grey and yet they had all survived while more than ten others had died. It all seemed so random and pointless. It didn’t matter who was a good Doctor or Nurse or person..it wasn’t about guilt or innocence or who had lived longest..Reed was only 24, Nurse Robinson 22, John Murphy,the security guard was 63, a grandfather and army vet. None of them had ever dealt with or even met Gary Clarke or his dead wife. Clarke himself had never even had a traffic citation in his 61 years;his neighbours and extended family and in-laws all said he was just a stand-up good guy...who just transformed into a cold blooded remorseless killer.  
No-one died in Ortho but Peds wasn’t so lucky... Peds lost a nurse,a resident... three more nurses injured and an intern called Michael Sanchez, who was only there looking for a chart on an appy patient called Ruby, died too. He died a hero,draping himself over the little girl in question, as Clarke shot the place up in a frenzy having been shot himself only moments earlier.

 

Arizonas holiday replacement,an older Peds surgeon called John Stark had been shot in the right shoulder so badly it was unlikely he would ever operate again.  
Arizona came back to a traumatised department and as hard as she threw herself into the rebuilding process the more she wondered what she was really achieving there. Anyone could do, relatively speaking,what she was doing in Seattle,in the USA..sure maybe she saved a few more kids than her colleagues but she could be doing so much more if she had really really pursued her dream..Survivors guilt merged with First world middle class guilt and it ate away at her conscience.

 

Callie Torres knew she had been lucky...had they not been in Fiji, most likely she would have been working and while she might have been in the relative sanctuary of Ortho but equally might have been in the Pit where one nurse died,or in a supply area like Reed or in an OR like Owen or in the bloodbath that had been Peds. If Arizona had been there, she too could have died..knowing Arizona..she would probably have confronted Clarke and...well what if she had..then Callie would be left with nothing not even their baby...what if Arizona died in the future, like George or if she got some horrible disease like Izzie..it was all well and good saying that they were enough for each other but what if the other was no longer there?

 

But they had survived and they lived in their little pink bubble, both grateful and guilty for that fact. They fought about re-decorating the apartment, and who put out the trash on a Monday night and whose turn it was to do the groceries and they loved and laughed in equal measure too. For Teddy Altman,who had resigned herself to the loss of Owen and Mark Sloan and even Alex Karev (who secretly hero worshipped and platonically adored-apart from her boobs cos there was nothing platonic about them- Robbins) they were the hope, the future, the proof positive that even in a crazy battle scarred environment like SGMW love would find a way.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Callie Torres knew that this wasn’t really what her dream looked like though. Her dream always had little kids running around. Even as a hair chewing science nerd in High school there were little kids in her future. So those kids had a full time Nanny who did the yucky stuff like diaper changes and 3am feeds while Callie and her six foot professional footballer husband turned up for the really cool stuff like Nativity plays and nighttime stories....so parts of the dream had changed... at some point the footballer had changed into George O’Malley,and the Nanny disappeared just as changing diapers and breast feeding seemed more appealing and then George changed into a beautiful funny blonde ray of sunshine called Arizona. The one thing that had remained constant was the kids.

 

Life was too short, that much Callie had learned from the shooting but just what did that mean for her and Arizona?

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

She was happy, she knew that – she had the girl of her dreams – she knew that too. No-one in her dating life before Calliope even came close, before when kids were mentioned she just left, some would say bailed. But what was the point of even entering a discussion about children when her mind was made up? That decision was made a long long time ago..and it was the right one for her. That decision had to a large extent informed her decision on her speciality. She loved kids, adored them,how could you not love kids for god sake..they show us everything we can be before life gets a hold and marks and scars you. She had met people who didn’t like kids,even some Peds Doctors! None that she’d let near any relative of hers mind you! And there had been girlfriends who had actively disliked kids...the irony of it didn’t escape her..she could never be with someone who didn’t like kids yet she needed someone who didn’t want kids of their own.

 

Her dream was to really make a difference, to leave this world better then when she entered into it, to continue the proud Robbins legacy of service and kids would always come in the way of that. She had decided at 16, decided that she would be the best Auntie that ever was to the 20 kids Danny had talked about having(she reckoned that 4 would be his maximum in the end) and she would pursue her dream without any impediments. 

 

When he died she felt the loss not just of a beloved brother but his unborn,never conceived children. She felt guilty that she was depriving her parents of Grandchildren. Her mother had told her she would change her mind when she met the mother of her children but her mother was wrong. If ever there was a person she could imagine having babies with it would be Calliope..she could see her kids so clearly..they could even have had Robbins DNA because before he had shipped out Danny had gone to a sperm bank..”Just in case I get shot up a bit over there and Sis, If I don’t need them when I come back you can always have them to get some cute girl knocked up!” 

 

She had thought about it ,really considered it, ironically when they were in Fiji..when she was trying her utmost to show how great their childless future might be she kept having visions pop into her head of what their kids might look like..kids..plural..multiple kids..girls,boys,blue eyed blondes,dark haired tanned dimpled brown eyed beauties...building sandcastles with her while Calliope tried to keep the sand out of their picnic basket... but how can you change an almost 20 year old decision?

And then they came back to a nightmare....this was no world to bring children into..a world where nurses and doctors got shot dead because they chose to spend their time caring for sick children.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Teddy,you busy?”

“No, need a consult in the Fairy Kingdom Of Peds?”

“Not exactly...but I could do with a sounding board? You ever hear of the Carter Madison Foundation?”

“Is that a trick question? Thats like asking a journalist have they ever heard of the Pulitzer people...”

“Okay, so you know the grant they award?” “You mean the one they give out once every few years when they deem someone good enough, someone who is inevitably a weird Swedish biochemist or some octogenarian german physicist ?” 

“Yeah that grant!”

“So..?” “So this year I’m the weird Swedish scientist!”

“What? You ...you’ve won the Carter Madison grant? No-one wins that! No one remotely normal wins that..no one American...”

“Yup, first American woman to win , third American ever, second woman ever, first lesbian yada yada...that is not the problem,Teddy, the prob...”

“OH my god this is amazing,you are amazing, you must be so happy..wow,I mean wow, I cant believe I know a Carter Madison grant recipient? THIS IS AMAZING! Wait what did you do to get this grant?”

“I submitted this almost three years ago,I worked on my idea through my residency at John Hopkins and my fellowship and finished it when I got to Seattle. I thought they had rejected it and short of haranguing the World Health Organisation there was really nowhere else I could go with my idea and so I concentrated on my real job and then I got a call yesterday and now all hell has broken loose!”

“But what did you do?” “Well you know that even here Peds as a separate stand alone surgical speciality has really only developed in the last 50 years..right? And in Sub Saharan Africa..well just lets say that my submission was to develop an overall peds surgical protocol for one country there,say Malawi,and take into account the culture the social fabric of society,the endemic poverty,the underdeveloped infrastructure and the native belief system and to develop it with the people on the ground,not impose it on them but let them have ownership of it and if it works then we would not only have a protocol for peds that could be rolled out in the wider area but a protocol for actually developing other medical protocols in the region too.”

“Yeah okay you kind of lost me at Malawi you crazy Swedish octogenarian you..but wheres the problem..you said this was a problem..you have officially been given God status in the medical world so..?

“Calliope.. she's not so happy.” 

“What? I’m sure she is thrilled for you and really proud...hey I bet you wish we hadn’t voted down the Chiefs idea of that TV documentary now..you could be Seattle wide famous.”

“I’m moving to Malawi for three years”

“You’re what now....Arizona” 

“I have dreamt about this for years,Teddy,I worked so hard not just on my submission but my whole career was about this moment,getting credibility so I could find a way to make a difference a real difference to leave a legacy like my grandfather, like my father, like my brother would have had he been given a chance. This is my dream!”

“Did you tell Calliope about this I mean before you won the grant?” 

“No, I mean, why would I, it was a dream, not a reality...it was never likely to come about and...”

“ Arizona! How many more grenades do you intend to lob at that woman...first you don’t tell her that you don’t want kids, then you forget to mention that, you will leave her at the drop of a hat,if Africa comes calling !”

“Teddy! Whose side are you on here? And who said anything about leaving her I don’t want to break up with her..shes the love of my life..and shes the one who is all cranky and,just forget it!” 

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Why so glum, Rockstar? Shouldn’t you be out celebrating with Blondie somewhere? “

“Don’t feel much like celebrating yet another person walking out of my life never to return!”

“What? Arizona broke up with you? But...she worships you Callie..why would she..”

“She hasn’t, not yet but she has already decided to go,Mark,to freaking Malawi! For three years! I didn’t even get a chance to voice my opinion..she had decided before she even told me she had won. She decided before she met me and the last 19 months have meant nothing to her,nothing! And Mark,they meant everything to me! She put me back together after everything,she sowed me back so carefully so neatly I could barely see the scars and now shes ripping me asunder and for what? Tiny humans living a continent away because that all she cares about her and all the tiny humans, all of them except mine; my tiny humans are the only ones she doesn’t give a damn about, the only ones she doesn’t want!”

“Callie! She just won the Carter Madison...the only thing bigger than that is the Nobel Prize for gods sake! Of course shes going to accept it..but that doesn’t mean shes going to break up with you..its three years..you guys can withstand that..you holiday there..she holidays here..you meet in the middle...you might even do a surgical sabbatical over there with her...for a couple of months...would look great on your Resume..and before you know it its 2013!”

“Mark,its not that simple and .. 911..damn..I have to go!”

 

“I am proud of you, you know that...winning this thing...that nobody wins...I’m so proud of you”

Arizona nodded, part in thanks, part in confirmation. They were almost the only civil words that had passed between them in the last weeks, apart from their “oh so civilised we live together so we cant exactly avoid talking to each other” chatter like “Did you lock the door?” “What time does your shift end?” “Will I start dinner tonight?” “Pizza or Indian?”.  
The only time there had been a thaw in the atmosphere was in bed, where they clung to each other wordlessly, like drowning men to a passing log. No words spoken but they had made love every night as if it would last forever...never rushed or frenzied like it sometimes was- no this fortnight had been different, there lovemaking was slow and gentle and loving as if they had all the time in the world even though both knew that time was running out.

 

They hadn’t broken up...not yet...not even after that first day of shouting and recriminations...

”why can’t you just be happy for me? Happy that I’m happy!”

“Happy for you? I thought that we were happy!”

“We were, I mean we are but this is everything I ever dreamed off..this is my dream, please don’t ruin my dream for me”

“Dont worry, I wont ruin YOUR dream, don’t worry YOUR precious tiny humans always come first cos no-one ever says no to YOUR tiny humans do they Arizona?   
What about my dreams? I have spent the last 4 months telling myself that I could make new dreams, with you, that my old dream of having kids, that I didn’t need that dream anymore because I had you. I have spent months convincing myself that I didn’t want kids, didn’t need them, telling myself, telling Mark, hell telling Cristina that I was ok giving up my dream..that having you was enough, but it turns out I didn’t have you..you were just biding your time with me until the tiny humans in Malawi were ready for you.. sometimes I think I don’t know squat about you, you are so closed off and when I do find out something..well I don’t like it ..you are selfish..I have bent myself double for you..but did you ever consider bending for me? Even once did you ever even consider the possibility of what it might be like to have kids with me? No! You didn’t...because you don’t give a rats ass about me or anyone but you!"

“Really, really ....I don’t care about you, about your feelings? I have treated you with nothing but love and respect and..you know I’m not going to dignify this conversation anymore...not everything in this world is about you Callie! Talk to me when you grow up a bit”

“Sure Arizona just walk away,real mature!”

 

And then it had been nothing but deafening silence.

“I know you are but thanks for saying it anyway....Callie...we need to talk about us, about....I don’t want us to be over...we don’t have to be over...we can do a long distance thing...it might even be fun...meeting half way in exotic locations and...”

“Arizona...you don’t believe in long distance relationships and...”

“I do, I do for you, you make me break all my rules... remember, no newborns? " She tried to smile, "Calliope, we can do this, we can keep going and...”

“But I don’t know where we’re going anymore and I love you, I love everything about you but there is this one thing I need ,I need to have a baby one day and I can’t ask you to change I don’t want you to change and...”

“So this isn’t about Malawi...its about babies?” 

“I don’t know...its about Malawi and babies and three years and I don’t know what to do any more..oh god..what are we going to do?

“Come here, come here” and they held each other so tightly neither wanting to be the first one to let go. Arizona knew though, she knew she had to be the one to pull the trigger, she had to be the one so she did “I can’t be the one that stops you having a baby. So I’ll go there, go to Malawi and I’ll be happy” and “You’ll stay here and you’ll be happy, please be happy and I hope your dream comes true because you’ll be an amazing Mom, an awesome Mom”

“We can stay in touch right and...”

“No, Callie ,lets just have a clean break, okay, lets just leave it at this and...I’ll stay with Teddy until I go to Malawi next month and until then..at work can we just be civil and polite and you know its a big hospital,with lots of floors to hide on and...

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

That night they both ended up crying uncontrollably in their best friends arms. Arizona Robbins was not a crier,well not unless there was an authority figure about. But that night she just showed up on Teddys doorstep in tears and she was still in tears 3 hours later....” I was never enough for her...why couldn’t I have been enough” and Teddy tried to talk to her,tried to get her see Callies side about babies, about Malawi but all Arizona seemed to want to do was cry.

 

Mark had found Callie sitting in a corner booth in Joes, drowning her sorrows. Joe had called him when Dr.Robbins phone had gone straight to voicemail. He had brought her home to his place..all she could say between sobs was “I love her,Mark”

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

And Arizona had found plenty places to hide in those last few weeks...not that anyone would have noticed. She was her usual perky sunny self...people assumed she had instigated the breakup because she seemed perfectly fine while Torres was a hot mess. The official going away bash had been at Derek and Merediths the previous weekend. There was a good turnout,most everyone from Peds was there and a lot of the Dept. Heads and attending and the residents she had worked with. Derek and the Chief had both promised to liaise with her to get some Seattle surgeons over to Malawi every few months to help get her protocol established. Even Mark Sloan had promised to turn up for cleft palate repair duty if needed. 

Callie hadn’t showed and so they had managed to avoid being alone together until Arizona's last night shift on her second last day...she hadn’t even seen Callie in the elevator until it was too late.

“Hi...”   
“Hey”

“Arizona, I...” 

And that was all it took-she just couldn’t stop herself from doing it,before either of them could she had slammed Calliope into the wall of the elevator and kissed her hungrily passionately feverishly,she wanted to devour her and then the elevator dinged and she composed herself and taking one last look at Calliope she walked out of the elevator. From Callies position she seemed totally composed but to anyone seeing the blondes face as she walked off into the night...it was a different sight...tears streaming down her face as she struggled and gasped for each breath...it was over..she would never get to kiss those lips,to touch her to call her ‘girlfriend’ again..and Arizona knew..that she had just walked away from everything that mattered to her...her future...her life. She knew too that after her 3 years in Malawi were up that she wouldn’t be coming back to Seattle,regardless of what her contract said. There would be nothing to come back to except memories and maybe the pain of seeing her life in someone elses arms. Callie would move on, there would be people lining up for her, people who weren’t idiots,people who would gladly give her the one thing she wanted. 

They were over. It was over.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Karev drove her to the Airport...no-one would ever believe her if she told them (not that she would) but he hugged her in Departures and said “I’ll miss you ,dude” and she swore she saw a tear but he said he had dust in his eye. She made him promise to apply for a peds fellowship,made him promise to look out for Callie and even Teddy and told him that if he ever decided to stop being such a jerk people might really see what an amazing guy he was underneath.

“Yeah,whatever” he shrugged

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Arizona Robbins had never worked harder in her life..she had thrown herself into her work from the moment she had got off the last plane...setting up the clinic,hiring the best local Doctors and Nurses,meeting every local dignitary from the corrupt politicians to the hereditary chiefs in tiny villages hundreds of miles from her base. She met with the patients,their guardians,their witchdoctors..some of whom were clearly quacks just feeding of the misery and poverty of others ,others were genuine medicine men just using the herbs and potions and lotions handed down to them by their grandparents with genuine intent to do good. The real ones she bowled over with her real and true interest in their craft, the frauds she tore apart at the seams because for all the perky shiny happy persona underneath it all Arizona was made of steel. And the harder she worked, the less time she had to think and to mourn her loss. The more of a workaholic she was the less time she had to wallow in her own misery. And yet it didn’t work...she couldn’t stop thinking of, dreaming of, crying for Callie. The dreams of the tiny coffins were back too, back from whence they had been banished by the safe arms of her lover...but now the faces in those tiny coffins were different, it wasn’t the faces of her patients, those who she failed to save, more numerous here than anywhere. No it was the faces of her children, those she had dreamed about in Fiji her children with Calliope, unborn, never conceived and all because she, Arizona Robbins, self professed ‘good man in a storm’, confident Type A all knowing all saving all round good egg, was nothing but a big fat coward.

 

Her parents had just about said as much, though in a much kinder gentler way. She was scared, that was the real reason she had decided against kids..she never thought she had what it took to be a Mom ...she didn’t possess the bravery of her Dad nor the quiet inner strength of her Mother...and they had been her benchmarks..they had been the most wonderful parents to her and Danny and she was afraid to fail..so she had thrown herself into academics, at her career, at all the things that she knew she excelled at and avoided those things that scared her like family and commitment.

 

Malawi wasn’t what her dream looked like,well it was,it was exactly what her dream had looked like only her dream had changed beyond recognition...now all her dream contained was Calliope Torres and the endless possibility of their children.

 

She had finally realised that the only reason she even knew of her grandfathers legacy was because of the even greater legacy he had left behind in the shape of a tiny baby boy..a baby boy born two months after his death. And who would tell stories of that little boys own bravery and his own 35 years of military service in 6 different countries and of that little boys own son who made the ultimate sacrifice like his grandfather. If not her then who? And to whom? And twenty years of certainty of not wanting to be a mother was replaced by just as deep a yearning to be one, with Calliope but was it too late?

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Dr.Torres, is that you? Dr.Callie Torres? Hey, you probably don’t remember me but I was a patient of yours here about 7 months ago..you wired my knee back together?”

“Jamie?” 

“Yes!”

“How is that patella of yours doing?” 

“Good, thanks to you, still need physio but its good. My physio told me how lucky I was to have you as my surgeon..apparently you are a Rockstar with a scalpel...so not just beautiful! Can I buy you a coffee seeing that we are here in the Cafeteria?"

They had a nice easy chat, about Jamies ongoing physio, how the hit and run guy had been caught and then the shooting:

“I watched it on TV, didn’t seem real...then I recognised Doctor Percy.”

“Yeah,he was a good guy, all of them were”

“Were you here,that day?” 

“ No, I just got back for the aftermath and yeah it was..awful”

“So,on a much lighter note what would your amazing gorgeous girlfriend say about us having coffee” she saw the grief darken the Latinas face “Oh god, I’m sorry, not the shooting?”

“What? Oh no no we wanted different things... but it still feels a bit...raw”

“Look I gotta rush but...here” and before Callie knew it Jamie had grabbed her hand and had written her number on her palm saying “Call me, if the spirit moves you?

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

She wouldn’t use the number,didn’t want to but she couldn’t help but wonder if she had taken her number that first time..if she had shown it to Arizona..if they had broken up then..instead of three months ago....four months further on in the grieving process... maybe she’d be over it by now...who was she kidding...she was never going to be over Arizona Robbins. And her blood ran cold at the realisation of what Jamie had thought..that she had died in the shooting...and when you thought about it..if they had broken up back then, they wouldn’t have gone to Fiji,before changing schedules for their trip they were both down to work that day and Peds got shot up worse than most...if Arizona had died?

But maybe she’d have survived,maybe they’d have been like Owen and Yang... on the verge of breaking up but the shooting saved them,at a massive cost but they were married and happy. Maybe it could have saved them too, a life changing event, maybe she’d have realised before it was too late that she only truly wanted her dream with Arizona in it..that she didn’t want kids if it meant losing Arizona. Maybe just maybe if they had been jolted into talking by the shooting maybe Malawi wouldn’t have broken them forever.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

She was trying so hard to be happy; throwing herself into her cartilage research, perfecting her less invasive hip replacement technique,her professional life was never better..but that had been part Arizona too..she had encouraged her so much..she truly had made her belief in herself more. Arizona once told her she thought she was the most naturally talented surgeon she had ever met, and that was in the middle of a row!

 

She didn’t want to get involved with another woman..who could compare to what she had lost? And to be honest,even though she would always be attracted to guys too,she couldn’t imagine getting emotionally involved with some guy whose ego needed to be stroked and massaged..not when she had known what it was to be in a relationship with a mature,sexy,self-confident woman like Arizona.

 

No there was always Mark if she needed a’sorbet’ as Bailey had named it. And she had a couple of times and they were both miserable,single together without their soulmates and then they made that stupid decision..a tequila fuelled decision...

”Hey, why don’t we make a Baby..we both want a kid and we’d be awesome parents”

“Mark,thats crazy talk..”  
“Why,no-one else wants to have babies with us..they think we’re baby toxic..and us Sloan men make gorgeous babies...” and just for a little while it seemed like a good idea,they would have a baby,raise it together,be best friends,with benefits when needed and they couldn’t hurt each other because while they loved each other they were never ever going to be in love.

And they did it once,just once without protection and it wasn’t until a few days had passed that they both realised what a crazy idea it was and she wasn’t really worried because nobody ever gets pregnant the first time they try to get pregnant..right?

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Arizona stood outside the blue door , trying to summon up the courage to knock. What if Calliope didn’t want to see her, what if she hadn’t spent the last almost four months crying like Arizona had..what if she had moved on...met someone. What if she had only been in love with the idea of being in love with Arizona?  
Oh god, she had such a big heart and she wasn’t like Arizona,who gave her love rarely ...no Calliope would always “throw caution to the wind” , would always choose to love even at the risk of getting hurt” and Arizona adored that but right now she hoped against hope that Calliope had truly loved her the way Arizona loved Calliope,that she wasn’t like O’Malley or Hahn or Mark Sloan and that she hadn’t been replaced already. She should have just called her,she shouldn’t have waited to make the grand gesture when everything was in place with the foundation . Damn she should have just talked to her weeks ago... 

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“So Im in Malawi and I cant stop crying and everything is amazing better than I ever dreamt and I cant stop crying and Im making a difference and I cant stop crying because I miss my girlfriend so much so I asked if I could come home if I found a replacement and I did and they said yes and I came home and Im so sorry so deeply sorry and please tell me that I’m not too late because I do want babies with you,all kinds of babies,ten babies if you want and I love you so much and I can’t live without you and our ten babies! And you look really pretty!”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“You want babies with me?   
“Yes Calliope yes”  
“I’m pregnant with Marks baby....how about now?”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
And there were explanations and recriminations and yet again each of them spent a night crying in the arms of a friend.

Arizona found Karev in Joes. Karev just took her to an on call room to the delight of the gossip mongers and held her all night long.  
Callie called Cristina who called her a moron and then held and rocked her too sleep. 

 

And yet... somehow they found a way back to each other..drawn together by the sound of a precious little heartbeat.  
And it wasn’t what either of their dreams looked like but if the last months had taught them anything it was that dreams could change and new dreams made and their new dreams were made slowly but together forged with love and they involved one baby with a baby daddy across the hall and another baby with Robbins Dna and a third with Torres DNA.

And sometimes they wondered what might have been if things had happened differently but neither could imagine a future without each other and their babies.


	4. Be nice, she knows no-one in Seattle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slightly AU. Set in Season 6 when Callie is pregnant Originally written Written for the ga-fanfic fic-a-thon. Prompt was - Callie: 'She is hitting on my girlfriend'. A jealous Callie.

"Mark, do you know who that is with Arizona?"

"Huh, what, oh!!! Noo, but I sure wouldn't mind an introduction, that is one seriously hot wo-man!!"

"Mark Sloan! I swear to you that you have three months left before our daughter is born- three months to change from an incorrigible manwhore to a female-respecting gentleman or else I'll let Arizona loose on you! I do not want our baby girl growing up around a manwhore!"

"Oh, chill, Torres and you appreciate a beautiful female as much as I do and indeed by the looks of things over there so does Roller girl"

"What...no... But that bitch better stop ogling Arizona or...oh my God don't look now but that hussy is totally hitting on my girlfriend!"

Mark of course immediately looked over again (as you always do when you're told not to) and got totally caught staring by Arizona so of course he winked at her suggestively as if to say "Nice one Blondie!"

Arizona just rolled her eyes to heaven and returned her focus to the drop dead gorgeous woman beside her. Even Callie had to admit the woman was breathtakingly stunning...as predatory bitches go! She had a body like Elle McPherson...well like Elle in her prime...but her boobs were just amazing...Callie only really noticed them as she was attempting to focus on whatever Arizona was staring at...

"Huh...well that meant nothing because Arizona is just thinking how fake they are" Callie thought silently to herself "Arizona is a bit of a breast connoisseur and she hates fake boobs...that’s why she loves mine..Especially my 'six month into my pregnancy' enhanced boobs!" Callie remembered that little tip from a self help book she once read (in a passing moment of weakness)-"When feeling inadequate reminds oneself of one’s own finest qualities"-although it was doubtful the author had breast size in mind.

"Mark, which do you think has more plastic...her boobs or her face...cos she wasn't born with those cheekbones and those are not God given boobs"

"Seriously? I know you have come late to the lady lovin' party but I thought you'd recognise natural when you saw it! Believe me I can spot silicone from 100 paces and no scalpel has been near those babies...nope those are damned near purr-fect...just like her face...no work their either! And just look at those pins, she kind of reminds me of Addison a bit, same dress style and are those Manolos...I'm not sure even Addison could wear those heels! Of course maybe it’s just the hair colour...yup I always loved me some redhead!"

"I think she’s a bit slutty in that get-up" Callie muttered trying desperately not to catch a glance of her own now very large abdomen encased in not so flattering scrubs and flat sneakers.

"Someone’s got a green eyed monster today...want to borrow a brick?" Mark said mischievously before blurting out "Whoa, did you see that?" as he noticed the statuesque redhead blatantly running her index finger along the blondes forearm.

Callie could feel herself getting redder by the second as she tried to suppress the urge to impale the unknown womanwhore on her own stiletto."Deep breath, deep breath, calm down, it’s not good for the baby and this is a one way flirting going on!" She told herself Arizona would never, even if she did tell Callie once that she too had women lining up for her! And they were in a really good place now, having a baby and...Even if she knew it wasn't exactly what Arizona’s dream looked like and...Uh, oh Arizona is bringing her over!" 

 

As Arizona and "filler-face" (what did Mark know anyway) approached, Callie plastered on the biggest fake smile she could muster. Mark was devastated as his pager sounded and whispered "If Blondie there managed to snag her telephone number tell her she can pass it on to me!"

"Mark, leave now" Callie hissed between smile-clenched teeth.

"Calliope...I want you to meet my old roommate from 'John Hopkins' "Dr.Juliet Harte"...."Jules meet Dr.Callie Torres--rock star with a scalpel, creator of cartilage and other God-like things and most importantly my very beautiful girlfriend"

And Callie could recognise a fake smile mirroring her own on the stranger.

"Juliet and I were inseparable in our first three years of residency, before she got fast-tracked onto a neuro fellowship in London! And we haven't met since...its sooo great to see you again Jules!" Arizona was bouncing with glee. "Juliet is here for a week on a consult with Derek so I said she can stay with us, in Cristina’s old room!"

"Only if that’s ok with you, Calliope, is it?” Dr.Harte said smoothly voice dripping with sincerity (Callie thought it was as fake as her smile and her boobs...Mark knew nothing!) "I'm sure with you being heavily pregnant and all hormonal the last thing you want is an unexpected old friend of Romeo's here turning up"

Did this wanton witch just call me fat, crazy and Calliope all in one sentence? wondered an increasingly agitated (but doing her best to hide it) Callie "and 'Romeo'?

"Oh my god –Romeo! No-one has called me that in years...” giggled Arizona" and Callie doesn't mind one bit. In fact it'll work out really well as Callie is off tomorrow to a three day conference in Portland so you can keep me company so that I don't get too lonely!"

And then the rapacious redhead was paged and left to meet Derek in Neurology but not before dragging Arizona into a hug that lasted just a teeny weenie bit too long and was just a teeny weenie bit too tight not to mention her hand that strayed just a teeny weenie bit too low on Arizona’s back.

“Arizona, who the hell is that and how can you invite her to stay in our home without asking me first and....who the, what the hell is Romeo"

"Callie! She was my BFF for years! Oh the Romeo thing...well as an intern I developed a bit of a rep with the ladies and I got the nickname Romeo Robbins so when Juliet moved in we kind of got called 'Romeo and Juliet'. Be nice..She doesn't know anyone in Seattle and she'd be lonely so she can stay with us and ya know you won't have to worry about me being lonely while you’re gone!"

"That’s exactly what I'm worried about she’s a home wrecking who...”

"Calliope Torres, do not say another word, green is not a good colour on you...and if I can put up with your BFF in our bed then you can put up with mine in our guest bed!"

 

And with that Arizona walked off, with a little smug smile on her face and not a little self-satisfied. Jealous Callie was Hot, hot hot! And if it made her think a bit about setting boundaries with Mark all the better and there really was no need to tell Calliope just yet that the other reason they were called Romeo and Juliet was because of their third roommates name- Tom Shakespeare or that Tom and Juliet got married straight after residency and now had three kids. 

Nope no need to tell Calliope that...just yet!


	5. A Good Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set Season 5: Arizona has a conversation with George O'Malley.  
> Originally written for ga_fanfic character challenge (George O’Malley)

"Why are you hanging around my NICU, O'Malley?"

George was quickly roused from his daydream by the stern tone of the attending.

"Uhm, Dr. Robbins...ah, hello?"

"Well?" if anything the tone of her voice had dropped below freezing point.  
The perky friendly new (ish) head of Peds was someone he had heard about of course. Arizona Robbins had nearly achieved McDreamy status already in her short time at the hospital. And he had worked with Dr. Robbins...he had spent two days on her service in total...but he had never benefitted from the magic smile that some of the nurses talked about nor had he experienced the legendary teaching manner-firm but respectful and generous - that even Karev mentioned. No, all he had experienced from the blonde surgeon was disdain maybe even dislike. 

And he didn't get it. People didn't dislike him- that wasn't George being big-headed, it was just a fact. Even when they didn't respect him as a Doctor they liked him as a person. But then comes along a person who seems all sunshine and rainbows and crap and she of all people hates him.

"Uhm, well, it’s the babies you see, I come to look at them...uh because their babies"

"Right now you're making a very good argument for having you banned from the Peds floor"

George looked at her in disbelief “what, why? Oh! You think I'm some creepy guy who...I'm not I'm...”

"Explain to me in 10 seconds why you are here staring at babies who are not your patients, Doctor O'Malley!"

“I've been coming here since I was an intern...particularly if I've been having a bad day...they're innocent and pure...they're not tainted by life and by their mistakes or by other peoples mistakes ...sometimes ,I think, we all need to be reminded of what it looks like...simplicity,beauty,pureness...I come here to see the joy...." George trailed off.  
For a second he thought the blonde looked at him differently, with openness, surprise even, as if he was someone, something different than expected.

Then the shutters went up again.

He thought long and hard before he spoke, she was an Attending after all and he really didn't want to antagonise her further but even though he was by nature mild mannered and sometimes shy...some might say meek... George O'Malley was no coward so taking a deep breath he said "Dr. Robbins, have I done something to offend you or is there something...?"

She looked at him in stony silence.

 

"Because it seems to me that you really don't like me and I don't know what I've done to you"

"You cheated on her" she blurted out the words and then shook her head.

It took him a while to figure out what was actually going on...not that "the her" part was hard to figure out...he had only ever cheated on someone once and regardless of the underlying reason he would always be ashamed of how he'd treated Callie...how he'd hurt her.

 

"Oh... so it’s true you and Callie? The rumours you’re together?"Before he could censor himself the words were out. 

"You got an issue with that because you lost the right when you..." the blonde head shook again, blonde curls bouncing with the action.

"No, no, I don't" George rushed out “I mean, God no...it’s just I mean there was some talk...a, a, about Callie and Hahn...which I mean, uh, was a bit of a surprise...because you know...uh Callie likes men and..."

Another glare from the Attending. 

 

"But no it’s cool I'm cool with...it’s cool...and you're nicer than Hahn..." seeing the icy glare shot in his direction “I mean people say you are...nice, that you’re a good person”. 

Truth be told George had never received death stares from Hahn or been thrown off Hahn’s service or been silently accused of being some class of pervert for just staring at the cute babies so he really was going not on personal experience but on the talk in the hospital. And when it came to the heelie wearing surgeon the talk was good.

"And Callie she deserves...nice"

He shivered at the look thrown his way.

 

"How could you do that to...to her?" it was pointed but now no more than a whisper.

And that’s when he heard it, the reverence with which she spoke the last two words.

 

"You really like her? Don't you?" it was less question more statement.

And as much as it was clear that she didn't want to talk about her and his ex-wife with him she couldn't help but smile at the thought of the woman she hoped would call her her girlfriend soon and so she nodded.

 

"Good, she deserves someone who'll treat her right...Callie is a good person...you will treat her right? Not like...” he was going to say Erica Hahn because he'd heard the rumours of how Hahn had just disappeared into the parking lot of no return but then he realised that to Dr. Robbins he was worse; he was just the scumbag cheating ex husband.

Robbins looked at him with a mixture of disbelief...as if he dared to ask given what he’d done....and surprise...that he cared given what he’d done.

“Look I care about...she’s my friend, Callie ...and she deserves to be treated right. I know what you might think about what I did but I’m not a bad person Dr. Robbins. Ask anyone, they’ll tell you...I’m a good person. Even Callie...I think, I hope” 

He paused, trying to find the words because he felt he needed to explain, explain to this woman, this woman who seemed to care for his ex wife, his friend in a way he never really did even though he had been her husband and this woman was, well whatever she was, whatever she might turn out to be he needed to explain. Not just for his sake but for Callie’s too.

“It was a mistake”

Blonde eyebrows rose impossibly high

“No, I don’t mean sleeping with Dr. Stevens, I mean marrying Callie” If looks could kill he’d so be toast right now, really badly burnt-incinerated-toast.

 

“No that came out all wrong. I should never have married Callie...” he took a calming breath “...because I never felt for her the way she deserved to have someone feel for her. I mean, I loved Callie, I mean I still do...but as a friend... I don’t think I was ever in love with her ...we got married on a whim, went to Vegas and Elvis married us in a tacky chapel near midnight. She deserved better than that.

Callie Torres is, well she has this big heart and well my whole family fell in love with her, my mom, my Dad, my two redneck huntin’ shootin’ fishin’ car crazy brothers. And when my Dad died I was just lost and she took care of me and I was selfish and scared and she has all this love in her big heart and so we got married. It was a mistake...both of us made it but she’d have tried to make it work so how it ended was down to me, that was my mistake but she deserves someone who will truly be in love with her. I will always regret how our marriage ended but not that it ended”

 

They both stood in silence for a long time staring in at the babies laid out in the neo natal ward.

“So, O’Malley you come here to see the joy?” her tone was softer, much softer now.

“I do, ma’am.” This time her look was almost a smile even if it was a ‘Don’t ma’am me smile’

“Uh, I mean I do Doctor Robbins”

 

There followed another long silence but one much less tense than before. Then she turned to go but just before she did she whispered “I will, I will treat her right.”


	6. Strangers on a Plane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arizona is on the last leg of her journey home from Malawi. Flying makes her feel closer to death but that’s not what she is feeling right now. (Originally written for the ga_fanfic character challenge)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cringe at some of these stories, at my writing or the story itself BUT for some reason I'm still quite proud of this one.

The fasten seatbelt sign is still on – just as it has been the last five times I’ve checked. It has to go off soon right? I need to get up and walk around this tin box we’re flying in. I’ve been flying for almost 24 hours if you count the stopover at Atlanta and the earlier one in Jo’burg. Three flights in a day. Normally my idea of a nightmare but not today. Not today, not when these three flights get me home. To her. To us. I know now I’d take any number of flights to get back to us, back to her, to home.

And I will be – taking any number of flights that is – once the Chief agrees with the plan I’ve worked out with the Carter Madison Foundation. Three flights there, three flights back. Every three months for the next three years. He will agree. I’m Arizona Robbins, Carter Madison recipient, awesome Doctor. He will agree. He will give me my old job back. There is not a scintilla of doubt in my mind.

It’s a little bumpy, this flight, probably why the little sign is still on. It might be a little bumpy when I get to Seattle too, a little turbulent, but nothing I can’t handle, nothing we can’t handle. 

Or maybe it will be a smooth landing. Maybe she’ll just tell me she loves me, maybe nothing else will matter except that. Maybe it will be like after the shooting – we’ll both see what we lost sight of for a while – that we love each other, that we need each other and that truly nothing else matters.

“Whoa! That was a big one” I’m not sure if I said that out loud or not but by the way my nearest companion is looking at me I guess I did. She’s smiling sympathetically at me, the way people always smile at nervous passengers. I guess it was an air pocket like a big bubble of air that our tin can just burst through. 

“Burst the bubble, Arizona” I can hear Teddy’s words from all those months ago. Well I sure did that, we sure did burst our pretty pink bubble. Me in the airport “I don’t want to go to Africa with you”, “We are already over” “You are ruining this for me” and she before that with her fake pretence of wanting to go with me; her ill- disguised anger at me that I chose to ignore until I couldn’t. Why couldn’t she have been proud of me; I would have been so proud of her, I was so proud of her with her cartilage research but instead...and then I snapped ...and we were over.

I cringe when I think of my words then and the look on her face – disbelief, shock, pleading, then anger – the sound of her voice in the days and weeks afterwards – on voice messages listened to over and over again but never once replied to – pain, anguish, begging, then anger again. Voice messages saved and listened to over and over again like a self imposed penance for what I had done. Voice messages saved because that was all I had left of her. All those words she had spoken to me throughout our relationship –in tones of laughter, love, lust – in moments of deep sadness and sublime joy – in company and in the privacy of our bed. All consigned to history. Like us.

But now I’m coming home and we will have a new history. Me and my fiery Latina – how could it be otherwise? We are made for each other. She is mine. I am hers. We love each other. We both made mistakes. We will both forgive and we will be fine.

I grasp the armrest of my seat even more tightly as the possibility of us not being fine enters my consciousness – my action mirroring the tightened grip on my heart. She will forgive me. She has to.

“Are you okay? It’s just a little bit of turbulence, nothing to worry about, dear”

“What?” I swallow thickly, my companion’s voice suddenly disturbing my already troubled mind.

“Nervous flyer?” sympathy evident in her voice and maybe it is that or maybe it is the security of being over US soil again or more specifically over soil that doesn’t consider me to be a criminal because of the way I love or who I love or maybe it is fear, that mind numbing fear that I have tried to keep a lid on ever since I decided to come home but whatever the reason I feel the dam breaking.

“No, I mean yes, I always feel closer to death up here but no, I...” I can hear myself rambling, see the look on her face, the wish she hadn’t initiated a conversation with what is clearly a deranged person but I continue anyway because I don’t think I can stop, just as I can’t stop the tears streaming down my face “...I left my, my partner in SeaTac almost 3 months ago, I just left them, walked away saying “be happy here” and “I’ll be happy in Malawi” and...What a joke” I am now sobbing. She reaches as far forward as her seatbelt will allow and wraps her arm around me

“I just left...walked away from the best part of my life, the one person I have truly loved outside of my family and...What if it’s too late...what if they’ve found someone else, met someone who doesn’t rip their heart out for fun, who doesn’t abandon them in an airport, someone who won’t leave”

I’m playing the pronoun game, another legacy of my months in Malawi, I’m a proud out lesbian and I’m playing the pronoun game with a stranger on a plane. I look at her, this kindly older woman who has donated her tissues to me. She’s wearing a small gold cross on a delicate chain so Christian of some sort, the book she’s reading – a Sarah Palin biography, one of the flattering ones so Conservative and I saw her mouth a prayer at takeoff so religious. 

The fasten seatbelt sign is still lit. She’s asking questions now or saying something “If he’s the one for you, then he’ll listen to what you have to say, if he loves you the way you seem to love him he’ll be there, give you a second chance”

I don’t care if she looks at me with disdain, disgust even, three months of crying silently, not being able to say her name out loud, three months of self preservation, of self imposed silence, no more. I want to shout it from the rooftops, that I’m gay, that I’m proud, that I love her, that I can’t live without her.

“She”

“What?”

“She, my girlfriend, the love of my life, my lover, my best friend, she not he”

“Okay, she will listen” accompanied by a kind smile, no judgement, no disgust. I’m the judgemental one here, judging a book by its cover...almost literally in this case.

“She’s, she’s amazing, stunning, miraculous even...how could I do that, to her, how could I?” I’m just asking this stranger to explain to me my actions of the past few months; maybe if I can understand then I can get Callie to understand. I’ve refused to discuss it, with my parents, with Teddy or Bailey – my main email buddies over the last few months. My father called me a coward, Teddy called me an idiot. What will she call me – a bitch? I don’t care, I’ll take whatever abuse she has to throw at me, I’ll do what it takes, whatever it takes and this time I’m not going to mess it up.

The woman smiles at me, a gentle smile, a smile of experience that seems to say who knows why we do what we do. I see her remove her glasses folding them and they hang off her chest from the gold spectacle chain she is wearing “Why don’t you start from the beginning?”

And I do. This stranger whose name I don’t know, whom I may never see again. I pour my heart out to her, I tell her how we met, how quickly I fell, how unlike me that is, the misunderstandings, the lovemaking (she squirms a little at the mention and then apologises saying that it’s just something she doesn’t really understand) the friendship, the break-up, the make-up, the pretty pink bubble, the fuck buddy across the hall (she frowns at that, I’m not sure if it’s because she thinks Callie would be better off with him or that she empathises with me) and the apocalyptic scene at the airport.

 

“And then?”

“And then?” I repeat her words.

“Since you left her how have things between you, when you’ve talked or emailed or...”

I pale, if I can’t explain to her that there has been no contact or more accurately none from me, then how will I explain that to HER.

“Nothing?” she asks in amazement? I simply stare back.

“Oh” There is silence and that’s when I realise the enormity of what I did, of what I face, it’s not necessarily going to be the leaving or the manner of the leaving but the silence, the failure to return, to respond, to try to fix it. 

I become aware that the fasten seatbelt sign has been extinguished but I can’t move, not now.

“She’ll forgive me; she’ll see that I’ve come back right?” I need this stranger to tell me it’s going to be okay, I need her to re fill my now empty well of optimism but she is kind this stranger, too kind to fill me with platitudes and lies. Her silence accompanied by a tight smile speaks volumes.

 

“What if she’s met someone else, dear?”

No, I find words somehow to explain that what Callie and I have, our love, it can withstand hurricanes and slings and arrows and that there is no way she could get over me that quickly, because I haven’t even thought of being with anyone else so she couldn’t, could she?

 

“But you were in Malawi, not exactly the most...” she pauses looking for words clearly not normally in her vocabulary “...gay- friendly place? She was in Seattle?”

“No, she won’t have found someone new...I mean she’s gorgeous” I start to look for her photo in my wallet as proof, the now tattered photo I have held onto in my sleep on countless nights “...she’d have people lining up for her, men and women but...she won’t have moved on ...she can’t have, right?”

She takes my hand and just squeezes it in a gesture of solidarity and that’s when the floodgates open. I cry, just openly and uncontrollably cry, resting my head on her shoulder, her arm wrapped around me, comforting me. When finally I stop I become vaguely aware that the fasten seatbelt sign is back on and we are descending towards SeaTac, towards Seattle, towards her, us, home.


	7. Saints and Lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SUMMARY: Another scene at Sea-tac Airport, this time on Valentines Day (A one shot written for the Valentines Day Challenge 2011).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the first one shots I ever wrote.

Callie had wondered why Valentine, an obscure 3rd Century martyr, came to be associated with love and lovers. Now she knew- it wasn’t love-it was the pain that love brought-the pain of the truly broken ( for ‘broken’ read crushed- shattered-ripped out of your chest) hearted. Saint Valentine had been stoned and beaten with clubs and, finally , beheaded. Callie felt like she had been stoned and beaten with giant ‘Arizona Robbins’ shaped clubs twice! Beheading would be a blessed relief.

She had believed , really believed her when she said she had come back for her, that she was back to stay, that she ‘was in’; that nothing else mattered except that they loved each other and that it was ‘their’ baby. When the first trip back to Malawi meant her returning to Seattle too late on the 14th February to celebrate Callie believed when Arizona said she would ‘always come back, come home to her heart’; that they would have many more Valentines together.

Arizonas flight landed at 22.15 and Callie decided to surprise her, just to spend the last few moments of the day together. 

She had a present too, a symbolic replacement for the heart necklace of 2010. Both necklaces discarded amidst the pain and bitterness of the breakup. A gold medal and chain, Saint Christopher-patron saint of travellers- because Arizona absolutely hated flying but for Callie had committed to six flights every two months for the next three years. A symbol for her safe return. 

She had watched as a torrent of passengers emerged from the Arrivals gate then slowed to a trickle then no-one. No Arizona. She didn’t come back and now here Callie was back again at Sea-tac; head in hands, heart in shreds, déjà –vu. The only difference - this time it was Arrivals.

 

“Calliope? What are you doing here, oh god you’re crying, the baby, what...” stuttered a tired looking and increasingly panicked Arizona. 

“Arizona, you came back? You’re here?” She sniffled “I came to meet you and I waited and waited and everyone else came out ages ago and you didn’t and...”

“Stupid airline sent my suitcase to god-knows-where and your Valentines present with it... but you’re crying...and, oh, you thought I wasn’t coming back ..” she finished off in a muted sigh.

“Calliope, I will ALWAYS come back, I LOVE you, wild horses couldn’t keep me away from you and our baby” Arizona whispered “I could be stoned and beaten by a club- yielding mob and I’d still find my way back to you” She gently wiped the tears from Callies face, leaning in and kissing her tenderly at first and then more passionately. As the kiss deepened neither of them cared that they were standing in the middle of Sea-tac; this was an Airport scene, an Airport memory they would happily recreate as often as possible.

“Happy Valentines Day, Sorry about your present” 

“Your presence is the only present I will ever need! I love you, too.”


	8. Heart left Behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SUMMARY: Just a one shot originally written for the Callie_ Arizona Live Journal Valentines Day Challenge 2011.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another of my firsts, back when i could write something that didn't morph from a one shot to a lengthy novel.Written before the car crash so in this fic none of that happened. Also explains the name change

Arizona Robbins lay in her bed, alone and lonely, watching and waiting as the flickering digits of her alarm clock changed to 5:30 ,bracing herself for the harsh tone of the alarm. She switched it off and lay back on the bed and sighed. She didn’t need the alarm; she’d been awake since 4 a.m., yet another disturbed sleep to add to the months of disturbed sleeps.

As she got up to start her day she realised that she just wanted this day to be over- Valentines Day-one of her favourite days of the year-just not this year. Arizona Robbins was not someone used to being alone on Valentine’s Day. Hers was not the old narrative of ugly duckling to beautiful swan. No, with those dimples, the blonde curls and those large blue eyes Arizona was a gorgeous child who transformed into a pretty, graceful teenager and finally into a confident beautiful thirty-something. From Grade School on she had always had admirers especially on Valentines. The early cards from secret anonymous admirers had changed to cards and gifts from a steady stream of girlfriends; some serious, some not so, all ultimately let down gently.

Today, however, there would be no Card, no gifts, and no flowers. Not today.

As she showered Arizona realised this should have been her fourth Valentine’s Day in Seattle. Even on the first, when she had been in Seattle only a few weeks, she had a date. A second date no less with Ju-, June or no, was it, yes, Julie. It had been pleasant and a third date was agreed upon for the following week. A third date that began at the Emerald City Bar and who knows what might have happened, on the significant “third” date, had Calliope Torres not happened. Yes, Arizona sighed in remembrance, Calliope Torres, unique by name, unique by nature. Poor Julie didn’t stand a chance.

Her second Valentine’s Day in Seattle - now that was memorable. She and Calliope were like love-struck teenagers all day. They were both on-call that evening so had an early romantic dinner and swapped beautifully delicate heart-shaped necklaces as symbols of their love. Giggling like schoolgirls they pledged never to remove them at least not until replaced by more significant jewellery. Arizona recalled that her now broken necklace was still in her purse. 

Neither of them would have believed that by the time her third Valentines in Seattle rolled around they would have been through two painful breakups and one glorious makeup. Last year they were trying, struggling to find a way to rebuild what had been broken. Had they been a patient the chart would have read- “CALZONA- critical but stable for now”. They had both tried so hard, both had desperately wanted them to survive.

As she crossed the short distance from her accommodation to the Hospital Arizona recalled again the scene at Sea-Tac Airport, and the copious amount of tears she had shed on the flight over. She had left her heart behind in Sea-Tac of that there was no doubt. Walking through the doors of the CARTER MADISON Paediatric Clinic she knew that this should have been her fourth Valentine’s Day in Seattle; the place her heart still remained even though the rest of her was standing in the open door of her small office in the Malawian capital.

Still, peering into her office, she could not but smile at the sight before her. It was still standing on her desk where she had left it last night. She knew it was meant to remain undiscovered until today but to take her mind of the ache in her heart she had decided to get some work done ahead of schedule. 

It had been hidden in her briefcase, amongst some very dull budget forecasts; slipped in surreptitiously, probably as her tears were still flowing. The most beautiful, handmade Valentine’s Day card Arizona had ever received. It was just a simple piece of stationery folded in two, probably stolen from the supply cupboard. She recognised the crayon colours, red and purple, from the secret crayon stash in her office. The message on the front could not have been simpler –“Happy Valentine’s Day” printed in Capitals with crayon. Of course like all great Valentine Cards it was anonymous but a clue had been left behind by the author. A rather large clue in the shape of a tiny smudged red handprint.

A handprint that Arizona would recognise anywhere. It was the print of the tiny hand that had held her finger with a surprisingly firm grip when only a few hours old just 4 months ago. The hand whose grip on blonde curls was now strong enough to make Arizona almost cry in pain; the same grip that had brought about the destruction of her heart-shaped necklace only days ago. The tiny hand whose tiny owner possessed the largest set of lungs in Seattle; the cause of all those sleep disturbed nights. The tiny, beautiful, most precious hand of one Miss Danielle Sloane Torres.

Calliope had told her time and time again that, as she was the one breastfeeding, there was really no need for Arizona too to be awake for the midnight and 4am feeds; Arizona had simply replied that if she was not wearing that telltale bleary-eyed sleep-deprived zombie look how else would people know that she was a new mom?

 

She knew she had made a bit of a scene at the Airport; tears flowing, clinging on for dear life to both Calliope and Dani ,crying that she did not want to go to Malawi, that it was for far too long . Calliope laughing at her, telling her that in only seven days she and Dani would be standing there again waiting for her to disembark from her plane. SEVEN days, that was a whole week, that was a lifetime to Dani - what if she didn’t remember her when she came back; what if she did something new, like a new type of gurgle, or a new different snore or grimace. Arizona was sure to miss something, SEVEN days.

Calliope promised to record everything and that when she got back and had recovered from her jetlag they would belatedly celebrate Valentine’s Day with a night at the Archfield; their first night alone in four months. Dani’s Dad would do his babysitting duties. Calliope had kissed her, called her a moron and sent her scurrying to the boarding gate with the last call for boarding ringing in her ears.

As Arizona held the card to her face and placed a gentle kiss on the red handprint she knew she had left her heart behind in Sea-tac but she knew too that in six days she would be reunited with it.


	9. I have a wife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s after the wedding and Arizona has something to tell Callie. Total fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another one I still kind of like.

“Calliope” it was barely a whisper, certainly not enough to wake her if she was in a deep slumber.

“Whmm, no, sleep”

“Calliope” it was less of a whisper and more of a low hum, accompanied this time by a gentle puff of air into her left ear. She knew that was one sure way of getting her attention.

“Arizona...I can’t...after a bit of sleep we can go again”

Arizona giggled, then stretched some of her aching muscles and then cuddled even more tightly into her wife’s right side. She threw her right leg over Callie’s thigh as she rested her head in the crook of Callie’s neck. “Calliope Robbins – Torres, you have worn me out...I’m not sure ‘a bit of sleep’ will be enough.” She giggled again, just thinking of the way their wedding night had gone...and all the countless times they had gone. And then feeling way more serious and remembering why it was she had wanted to wake her Calliope up - “I have a wife.”

“What, hun?”

“I have a wife.”

“Uhh, I know...I was there.”

“No, I have a wife. I, Arizona Robbins, have a wife.”

 

And yes Callie was a little bemused and a little confused but she could hear the smile in her wife’s voice and she could feel the love emanating from her as Arizona embraced her even more tightly than before so she didn’t interrupt. After all there was seldom anything more impressive than a spontaneous impromptu Arizona speech.

 

“I have a wife.”

Arizona stopped speaking for a moment, lost in her thoughts, lost in her own emotion. She held onto her lover as closely as she could, trying to express her infinite love in an embrace.

“I never wanted a wife. I never expected it...well not since I realised I was gay. I mean the last time I thought I’d be getting married I was five and I wanted to marry the little boy from E.T but by the time I was fifteen it was Drew Barrymore and it wasn’t marriage that was on my mind. I never dreamed about walking up the aisle on my father’s arm, I never dreamed about the white dress or any of this.

But now I have a wife.

And I have a daughter. And I never wanted a daughter, or a son, or any kind of baby.

And now I have a baby and a wife.”

 

Through all of this Arizona peppered her wife with gentle kisses, on her ear, her neck her clavicle, along the upper curves of her breasts.

“And now I am a wife.....and a mother. You are my life now...the two of you. And I don’t...I don’t...” she took a deep breath as she tried almost in vain to keep her emotions in check

“Arizona...”

“Callie...I don’t know how, why I didn’t want this...why I was so scared of this...I love you so much it hurts...I love her. I’ve loved her since you first told me you were pregnant...even though it took me hearing her heartbeat that first time to realise it...it’s only been 8 hours and I miss her so much. I want to be a good wife...you deserve the best wife ever...and I want to be a good mother...she’s going to have a great mom with you but I want to be a good one too, to her and all our babies”

 

“All our babies? How many are you planning for us to have, Mrs Torres?”

“Well, Mrs. Robbins – Torres, seeing that Sophie is so perfect, I was thinking somewhere between two and ten...and tens a lot and twos not enough.”

“Twos not enough?”

“Na-uh...you have to have at least one more so nope twos not enough”

“So, are you saying you’re going to give me a mini Robbins? Dimples, blonde hair and all?”

“As you well know, dimples and blonde hair are recessive genes so I’m making no promises...and I can’t guarantee he or she or they will be as gorgeous as Sofia but I’ll do my best.”

“They?”

“Twins run in the Robbins family...it’s a little scary” 

“I can imagine you pregnant with twins...too cute for words. And drinking all that lovely green goo and no caffeine...oh yes...revenge is a dish best served cold.” Callie giggled as she contemplated her wife in full caffeine withdrawal, hormone casserole combined with a marine inspired OCD for order and tidiness...suddenly it didn’t seem quite so funny. 

 

“I have a wife too.”

“Huh?” 

“I have a wife too and I never expected that. Not when I was five or fifteen or twenty five. I knew I’d be a wife...I played ‘happy families’ with Jorge Sanchez when I was five and when I was fifteen I wanted to marry Tom Cruise...but I never expected to have a wife.

I never wanted a wife...I mean I never thought about it...then I met you...and I still didn’t think about it...not until my Dad asked me would there still be a wedding and babies...”

“Your Dad? Carlos?” 

“Yes, after your ‘I was named after a battleship speech’ he asked me if I would still give my mother a wedding and I said yes...that’s when I knew I wanted to marry you one day...sort of ironic really...seeing that he wasn’t even there.”

“He wanted to be there though, he accepts you, me, us...your Dads kind of cool, Calliope and...”

 

“But he wasn’t, he chose her and...”

“He supported his wife...cause that’s what you do...in public you backup your wife...even when she’s wrong...even when she says black but its white or she says its night but its day...in private you can tell her she’s wrong but in public you support her...that’s what you do when you have a wife” 

“Oh that’s what you do when you have a wife” Callie murmured “Is that what I’ll have to do?”

“Well, no, because I’m never wrong, remember” Arizona said the words stifling a laugh that rapidly became a yawn “She’ll come around eventually, she’s scared for you, but she’s your mother and you’re her daughter. And I’m awesome and Sofia is miraculous so it will work out.”

 

And as sleep began to overtake both of them again and as Callie dozed off the last thing she heard was Arizona saying, oh so quietly, again and again “I have a wife, I have a wife”


	10. Uniquely Qualified

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set near end of Ep. 7.22 ( the Season Finale) - references back to Season 5 but inspired by a deleted scene from 7.22. Motherhood changes you but what if you’re a Peds surgeon who never wanted any of this.

“You smoke?”

“What, Bailey, uh, no, uh, don’t tell Calliope! Please? Look the packs open but I haven’t...they’re all there, I just...I used to...when....you know...rarely... if I ...stressed but then Sofia and... I quit, I did... and...please don’t tell her”

It was probably one of the least used rooms in the hospital, the 3rd floor Attendings lounge. No-one quite knew why, maybe it was because it was on the wrong side of the building and didn’t get its share of the sometimes limited Seattle sun; maybe it was because it was much smaller and darker than the ones on the Second and Fourth floors. Maybe it was because the coffee machine in the 3rd floor lounge was particularly notorious – for whatever reason if you wanted to hide away without actually hiding away – this was the attending’s lounge to visit.

Bailey went there because occasionally when she just needed a little space - a place where she was not the ‘Nazi’, nor Eli’s girlfriend –so she had been surprised to see the room occupied, more so by the blonde Peds surgeon - one of the more sociable attendings in the hospital and a woman she now considered to be a close friend notwithstanding their own rocky start. That surprise was nothing compared to the sight of the blonde twirling a pack of cigarettes in one hand while flicking on and off a ‘Zippo’ lighter with the other.  
She gave her the famed Bailey stare as she walked into the room and sat at the opposite end of the somewhat tattered couch.

“So?”

There was a long silence – the Bailey stare was formidable but Arizona Robbins had grown up the daughter of a marine, in a military family and as much as she respected Miranda Bailey her stare would not cause her to shrink, she was not her boss, she was not her father she was not an authority figure - but she was her friend.

“I..I can’t...I’m not sure I can do this anymore, I mean, not the way I did be....before...”

“...before?

“...Sofia, before Sofia, before...I was a mo...before I had a daughter”

“Sofia is 6 months old – what brought this on?” Robbins was her friend – a friendship partially based on her relationship with Torres but mostly based on them, the people they were - Miranda Bailey and Arizona Robbins – two committed doctors, two decent people trying to be the best people they could be, the best doctors they could be.

“The lone survivor, she could be, she looks like an older version of... she could be Sof...” the rest of the sentence disappeared, engulfed in a sob.

“I don’t ...I don’t understand...She’s okay right, the little girl but she’s fine right?” A slight inflection in Bailey’s voice.

 

Surgeons liked to cut. It didn’t matter whether you were a Cardio or an Ortho; General or Peds. All surgeons liked to, wanted to, needed to cut. It was why they were surgeons, after all. They liked to cut so that they could fix because the need to fix, to repair, to make better was why they were doctors. Sometimes on quiet days they hoped for traumas to come rolling in; not because they wanted to see people ill or dying or in pain but so that they could cut and fix and repair what was broken. So that they could be surgeons. And in the case of Dr. Miranda Bailey and Dr. Arizona Robbins - well they were both fine surgeons – the best - they were at the top of their game and there was nowhere else and nothing else either woman knew to be.

Today was not a good day. Not for the passengers of a certain plane nor their families. Not for the first responders, the police, the paramedics. Not for the staff of SGMW. There was no cutting today; there was no fixing today. There was nothing left to fix of the passengers and crew of that ill-fated plane. The corridors echoed with the sounds of grief for hours as one by one the families were informed of their losses. The worst part of the job of being a surgeon, a doctor and today every doctor in the hospital had to perform that part.

Bailey and Robbins had both met their share of the families – watched as their words changed lives, destroyed hope, caused heartbreak. Today was not a good day. And then when all hope seemed extinguished a sole survivor was found, a young girl, brown eyed, dark hair, sallow skin. Suffering from severe hypothermia and her share of injuries but she would survive, she would be fixed.

Arizona just nodded, confirming the little girl would be okay. Bailey’s silence felt like an interrogation. And she broke. “I used to be detached from this, we’re trained not to care, because it’s better that way, but now every time I see a preemie struggling I think of Sofia. Every time I see a child with brown eyes or even a Hispanic surname or...I see Sofia. How can I be their surgeon how can I give them the impartial care they need, they deserve if I’m thinking what if she gets ill or has an accident. When that little girl came in, she needed me to be the best I could be and I hesitated because she could be my Sofia”

“And then?” Bailey asked softly, already knowing the answer

Arizona looked at her quizzically “...uh, we assessed her and then Derek and I operated and...”

 

“And she’s going to be fine. The miracle girl, the one who lived”

“That’s not the point, the point is...”

“You think you’re a lesser surgeon now that you’re a Mom”

Arizona nodded unable to meet her friend’s eye, shame and a little self-loathing preventing her.

Bailey sighed loudly and moved over on the couch so that she was almost touching her blonde companion. “You may have been taught not to care, to be impartial but the Dr. Arizona Robbins I know, she cares, she has always cared and its one of the many things that makes her a damn fine surgeon and an awesome friend”

“Awesome? Bailey, seriously, did you just use the word awesome” Arizona couldn’t help but smile at how incongruous ‘her’ word sounded from Baileys lips. Then fell silent again.  
“Ever since that day, when Sofia had heart surgery and when Stark.... I thought she was going to die and I,I couldn’t be there, I couldn’t stand to watch, to see her die and....I don’t know if I can be a surgeon and have their tiny lives in my hand anymore if I can’t be the best, if I’m scared to...”

“That day doesn’t count. That day you weren’t being a surgeon. That day you were being a Mommy and you were scared because when you’re a Mommy you’re scared all the time, even when you don’t know it but it doesn’t matter because even being scared is worth it because the joy being a Mommy brings beats the fear every time.”

Arizona couldn’t help smiling at that and laughed too “She is the most joyous, miraculous...she is” the smile was broader now and yet she still sighed.

Bailey stood up and beckoned for her companion to do the same and to follow her. As they walked towards the elevator she spoke. “A very wise, very talented surgeon once told me that the fact that I had stood helplessly by and watched as my friends and colleagues operated on my little boy, to save his life, made me uniquely qualified to be a Peds Surgeon”

Arizona stayed silent.

“Did you mean those words, Robbins?”

“I did”

Standing in the elevator now pushing the button for the Peds floor Bailey stared at her companion once more “So then, I think, that your experience with Sofia, as a tiny ill micro- preemie, as a baby battling against all the odds in the NICU, as her mother watching helplessly as your colleagues saved her – that doesn’t make you a lesser surgeon, if anything it will make you an even better one – a little different than before sure – but still a great one”

“Thanks, Miranda” Arizona said lowly but genuinely

“Oh don’t thank me yet” the shorter woman laughed as she grabbed the pack of cigarettes and lighter from the blonde.

“Hey, you can’t...” Arizona stopped as the stare began. Maybe it was being in a confined space but suddenly the Bailey stare seemed all powerful.

“Can I at least have my lighter back? It’s sort of a family heirloom, it belonged to my grandfather”

“Hmmff...Fine” she handed it back “don’t let me catch you smoking again or next time I will tell Torres”

Arizona visibly gulped at the thought of Callie’s reaction.

As the elevator doors opened onto Peds Miranda half pushed her out saying “Go see your patient, go see the joy” and then with a smile matched only by Arizona’s “then go home to see your own bundle of joy”

 

And so there she stood looking in through the window as the little girl slept peacefully, her traumatised mother sitting by her bedside with that look of relief mixed with fear so common on this ward. And as she stood there, staring in at the private scene, she saw it, ‘the joy’, why she did this job, ’the joy’ that her own tiny human brought her now and she saw in the face of that little girl what her own little girl might look like one day and she felt it ‘the joy’ and she couldn’t help but smile.

Moments later she felt their presence just as she heard the footsteps she would recognise anywhere and the mixed scents of her wife’s perfume and their baby’s fresh ‘baby’ smell.

And the whispered words that lifted her soul every time “Hey, here’s Mommy, say hi to Mommy” and her smile broadened at the sight of her family and as she reached out to take her in her arms Sofia just looked at her, recognising her and Arizona’s heart skipped a few beats.

 

“Hey big girl” and after kissing her lightly on the forehead and kissing her wife slightly less chastely she whispered “let’s go home”


	11. Butterflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pointless bit of fluff. About a Scrub Cap!!!

“Is there a new surgical attending in the hospital?” Arizona asked as she sat down at the table, her tray laden with pasta and a melon fruit cup.

“Male or female?” Mark asked with his customary gleam in his eye.

“Girl surgeon, I’d imagine” Arizona replied before slurping noisily from her drink.

Mark just smiled.

Callie just thumped him on the shoulder “Mark Sloan you are a sexual predator and furthermore aren’t you supposed to be seeing Julia Kenner these days”

Mark grinned his trademark schoolboy grin asking faux-innocently “What, what did I say”

“Why, babe?” Callie turned to her wife

Arizona chewed on her food and after swallowing explained “Just heard a few of the new interns gossiping about some surgeon with a butterfly scrub cap...” she paused, shivering visibly “...I mean what self respecting surgeon would wear butterflies on her scrub cap, I mean I assume it’s a she, with butterflies..” and there it was again, a shiver.  
Silence descended as the other three surgeons stared at her dumbstruck – Callie’s mouth hanging open, Mark’s nose scrunched up the way it did when he was confused or shocked and Teddy just stared her inscrutable stare.

Arizona stared back at them wondering what it was she’d said to cause such a reaction in all then, in a panic as realisation hit “Oh, no Teddy, your scrub cap is awesome, birds are cool, not like butterflies, besides you‘re a hardcore cardio God ex - soldier who has earned the right to wear any scrub cap she damn well pleases and the birds are symbolic of your friend too but what are butterflies supposed to signify?” She shook her head in disdain.

“But, Blondie, you...” Mark muttered, not quite as yet in control of his words.

“Oh, what Mark ,just because I’m in Peds you think I should like ,eeewww, butterflies, they’re just over-dressed moths “ and she shivered again, and in a lower voice as if talking to herself “...I hate, hate moths”

Callie was still staring at her, it was a bit disconcerting really, she was just staring at her as if she was a stranger. “Callie? Are you Okay?”  
Teddy broke the silence this time, too afraid of the twilight zone that they had seemingly been transported into to state the obvious, she decided to state the second most obvious instead “Your earrings are butterflies, Arizona?”

Arizona sighed “I know! But the little girl, who gave them to me, told me they were lucky earrings and she asked me to wear them during her surgery. This was back during my fifth year residency; it was one of my first solo surgeries; she wasn’t supposed to survive, she was 12 and really clever so she knew the odds weren’t good, I was doing it because my Attending felt it was hopeless and...” she smiled at the memory of her first “miracle” save “...she writes every Christmas, she’s in College now...and so I’m kind of stuck with the earrings” another shiver.

“I wonder what her excuse is. Butterflies on a scrub cap....bleughhh” she took a bite of her lunch “...I mean they’re glorified caterpillars, that’s what they are”

“I, I, I can’t take any more of this...” Callie practically shouted, loudly pushing her chair back and dragging Arizona to her feet too “your locker, now”

“Calliope....” Arizona half hissed, half whispered as she found herself dragged through the cafeteria “...my lunch, what’s gotten into you, are you okay...” stumbling as she struggled to stay on her feet, shouting backwards to the table “Sloan, I’ll be back don’t even think about eating my lasagne or nibbling on my melons”

Little more than moments later the pair were stood outside Arizona’s locker.

“Open it, Arizona!”

“Callie, have you, what’s going, what’s wrong” Arizona asked her slowly, softly, worried at her wife’s frankly bizarre behaviour, noticing the look of concern Callie was now sporting.

“Show me one of your scrub caps, babe” Callie was wondering ever since Arizona had launched her ‘anti- butterflies on a scrub cap’ diatribe if it was a tumour or concussion or...

“What? Why? You know what my scrub caps look like, they’re all identical, pink and...” she dropped her voice murmuring sexily “...girlie and...” even as she opened her locker revealing the orderly and oh so neat contents including a pile of freshly laundered trademark pink scrub caps.

“Butterflies” Callie finished for her.

“What, where, get ‘em off me, please” Arizona nearly screamed as she leapt on Callie for protection from the offending insects.

Callie was more confused than ever as she found herself comforting a clearly terrified Arizona “Arizona, no not here, on your scrub caps”

Arizona leapt away from her wife’s arms and her locker as if bitten by a viper “How did they get into my locker, are they, are they crawling on my scrub caps” trembling as she asked the questions, visibly pale, ashen even “oh God, are there caterpillars too? We’ll need pest control and...”

“Arizona, are you afraid of butterflies? Callie asked incredulously, even as a memory of Arizona muttering darkly about moths to a flame came to mind.

“No, of course not” huffed indignantly but the way she shifted awkwardly from toe to toe was a giveaway.

Callie began to smile which turned into a chuckle, a giggle then a laugh; the laugh turned into an uncontrollable body tremor as her entire body shook with laughter.

“Callie it’s not funny.” 

Callie slunk to the floor holding her sides, the laughter making it hard to breathe.

“It’s not nice to laugh at someone else’s fears especially your wife’s!”

“But, Arizona, butterflies...” was all Callie could say before being taken over by a fresh eruption of laughing

“They’re not butterflies, they’re horrible slimy...eew except the hairy ones...caterpillars who one day just decide to take up hang-gliding...caterpillars with stupid fluttery wings” Arizona’s face was a picture of fear and abhorrence.

“I’m sorry, babe, I’m not laughing at you, it’s just surprising, you of all people and the scrub caps....” the worst of the laughter was over, the odd spasm still hitting her.

“Oh, don’t remind me, what if I have to operate with this new attending and her stupid butterfly scrub cap and....” she paused “I can’t, I won’t”

“Babe, there is no new attending, it’s you”

“Who’s me?”

“The surgeon with butterflies on her scrub cap...is you.” Callie felt she was explaining something to a child, especially with the vacant look Arizona was now giving her. She reached in to the now open locker to retrieve one of her wife’s caps.

“Don’t let them out, shut the locker, maybe they’ll die from lack of oxygen” words hurtled in fright at her wife.

“Arizona, babe, there are no caterpillars, or butterflies in your locker...”

“Promise?” Arizona replied in a small voice “....cause they’re really scary”

Callie just shook her head in bemusement “why do you wear a butterfly pattern on your scrub cap if you’re scared of them?”

“I do not!”

“Uhm, yeah, ya do”

“Why would I do that, there are no, no, eew, none of them on my cap, look” she grabbed her scrub cap from Callie and then shoved it closer to Callies face “See, NO butterflies”

“Arizona, I see butterflies”

“There are no butterflies, just random pink dots”

“Arizona, I can see them, look if you look carefully, you can see a pattern of...” now it was she being dragged by her wife, back from whence they came, to the cafeteria, just in time to see Mark take the last bite of her lasagne.

She glared at him “...if you so much as think of touching my melons, I’ll...” Mark went a peculiar shade of pink

“That is my scrub cap” she really meant to talk only to Mark and Teddy but it was more of a shout so all the surrounding tables heard too “...see NO butterflies”  
It was both a question and a statement.

Mark and Teddy spoke as one “Butterflies” pointing to the scrap of pink cloth.

“NO!” What is wrong with these people, Arizona thought even as she scrunched her eyes, trying to see what her wife and friends saw.

“Uhm, Dr. Robbins...” Alex Karev cleared his throat “...I don’t see butterflies either.” He had joined them from a few tables away.

Arizona smiled, thinking it was his vision and perception that would make him a great Peds fellow next year.

“Me neither Dr. A” the older scrub nurse said as she passed by with her tray.

“Thanks, Bokie” Arizona returned.

“I see butterflies, big ones and little ones, I love that you wear butterflies on your cap” April Kepner joined in, a little taken aback at the death glare she received for her troubles.  
In the end most of the cafeteria joined in, some seeing butterflies, others just dots in a random pattern; an intern swore he saw seahorses but he was from dermatology so no-one took any notice. In the end when the votes were counted it was close but by a majority of two it was YES to the pink dots NO to the butterflies.

Victory was hers; it was official Dr. Arizona Robbins did NOT wear butterflies on her scrub cap (and as an added bonus her melons were left untouched by Sloan).

 

Still when the cafeteria was emptied only the two wives remained behind, the one clutching a beloved yet now somewhat diminished scrub cap, the other hugging the first.

“Its stupid, I know, being scared of butterflies.”

 

Callie tilted her wife’s chin up and with a smile said “I’ll help you get over the butterflies, babe, after all I did.”


	12. Pride, no Prejudice.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A missing scene from ep 8.08, little more than a drabble (700 words) involving Mama O'Malley

“Can you just...don’t go anywhere, ok? I’ll be back in a minute”

“Callie, I’m just recovering from surgery I don’t think I could go anywhere even if I wanted to” the warmth of the smile could have melted the polar icecaps.

“Well, ok, then, I’ll be back soon”

“Could you leave your phone, I want to look at your gorgeous Sofia some more?”

Callie nodded her head furiously her smile matching Louise’s in intensity

 

“Lovely meeting you Dr. Preston, safe journey home” Arizona was already turning back into the hospital when she spotted her wife jogging,nay,sprinting to catch up to her with a 1000 watt smile on her face.

“Someone’s in a good mood...”

The rest of her sentence was swallowed up by Callie’s lips on hers, with a kiss that could never be described as platonic, in the most public place in the Hospital.

“Mmmm....that was ...” Arizona mumbled even as she ended the clinch, proud and out she might be but PDA at the hospital, well in the Public parts of it, she liked to keep them to a minimum “...nice”

“Was that your super-duper All-Star fellow just leaving?”

“Oh,yeah,meh, she was...go- od...impressive but maybe not quite awesome...her reputation was maybe a tad more impressive than she....some of the people here are equally impressive without the reputations to go with it” Arizona said seriously, really more interested in what had made Callie so happy “...have you been Sofia watching again?” She knew surreptitiously watching her daughter in Day-care always but a smile on her own face so...

“What? So....some people here are equally impressive huh?” turning her wife towards then onto the elevator “don’t you mean your boy Karev?” asked in a sing song jokey way as she pushed a floor number.

“No, not just Karev ah uhh Kepner’s shown an interest in Peds and...” looking at her smirking wife 

“ Ok,fine, Alex, yes but God Callie, you don’t see him in Peds, with the kids, and advocating for them, I doubt Polly Preston even know what that means...she’s all about the equipment and the latest technique....but Karev...he’s got the instinct and he cares...and no amount of teaching can give you either of those things....if only he’d take his head out of his ass sometimes” she shook her head then noticing again the broad smile on her wife’s face “what’s made you so happy?”

Callie halved the distance between them and engulfed her in a kiss that made the one in the lobby look like a peck on the cheek; coming up for air Callie whispered “you...  
...I’m proud to be your wife, I’m proud to be with a woman as amazing as you, I love you” another kiss and this one felt like an apology to Arizona.

“Callie, stop, its okay, I’m not mad, I told you I under...”

“I hurt you...”

“No, its fine...”

“No, it’s not, you were standing there smiling waiting for an introduction and I bottled it...and I’m sorry.”

The elevator dinged as the doors opened. Callie led Arizona down the corridor, holding her hand.

“Where exactly are we going?”

“You said you’d kick my ass if I hid you from friends or family”

“Yeah” Arizona did not smile “...but you never have, not even when you couldn’t afford rent”

“Mama O’Malley...”

“An ex mother-in-law, I get it, you don’t have to fight every battle, I get that, not every one of my patients parents get told I’m gay, it’s fine,Callie”

“I’ll kiss you in front of the entire city of Seattle,Arizona,strangers all, I don’t care, I’m proud of my wife, I’m proud of our life but... she’s not my dead ex - husbands mother who happens to be an extremely devout Roman Catholic”

“She’s not?” a confused Arizona said.

“No, she’s not...” Callie shook her head with a small smile adorning her face now “No, she’s much much more than that” pushing the door to a patients room open and pulling Arizona behind her

Arizona just saw the smiling woman from earlier, propped up now in a bed, clearly post-op.

“Arizona, meet Louise, my Mama O’Malley”

“Louise, meet Arizona” Callie beamed with pride “...my wife”

 

And they all wore matching smiles.


	13. School Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Canon up to 8.09 at least. This is just a bit of pointless fluff...about an extraordinary ordinary night.

She had played with Sofia while Callie tidied up after dinner. It was their routine on those nights when they were both off; one would cook the other clean up. It worked and it meant on those nights Sofia got both Mommie-time and Mama-time.

Arizona had been surprised when Callie’s views on parenthood and raising Sofia so mirrored her own (once the crucial matter of actually wanting to be a parent was overcome). She supposed it was reverse snobbery really. She expected to have to fight for her parenting beliefs far more; she had expected Callie, given her background, to be the indulgent one; to oppose her views on discipline (a discipline tempered always with abundant cuddles and kisses). She geared up for the invariable verbal sparring; the reminders that they were raising a child not a marine; that she was a Mommy not a drill sergeant. 

It turned out, rich or not, the Torres were strict but loving parents just like the Robbins. Their houses may have been different; one a Miami mansion the other a succession of small military housing but their homes were the same; bastions of love and discipline.

In short they both came from loving, stable homes – and wanted the same for their girl. A settled routine; a sense of discipline, love and security; a normal childhood. If when she was a teenager she accused them of being dull and boring and mundane (not dissimilar to their own rebellious teenage rantings) then they’d consider it a job well done.

They both agreed, regardless of how busy they were, that Sofia had to come first. It meant getting home early on nights when they weren’t on call even if there was a mountain of must-do paperwork and there was always a mountain of must-do paper work. It came with their jobs of being Head of their respective Departments.

Tonight however Arizona’s mountain of paperwork had to accompany her home. Budget forecasts were due; a submission for new equipment needed writing and rosters and other personnel stuff needed reviewing. All part of the job.

Still the paperwork had to wait until Sofia was in bed. On tucking her into bed, the usual battle of bedtime commenced.

“But I’m not slee-pie, Mom- mie”

“Sofe...when the big hand is at the top and the little hand is there (pointing at the giant Donald Duck clock on the wall) what does it mean?”

“Mom-mie, it means Donnie Duck has to go to bed!” and the most adorable little 3 year old in the world (and no, she wasn’t at all biased) pulled the covers over her head and giggled uncontrollably at her own joke.

“Uh, uh, my little duckling it means Sofia has to go to bed too.” 

“But Mom-meeeeeeee” the last desperate attempt to stay up usually involved an impossibly elongated last syllable.

“No buts, Sofe, now settle down and Mama will be in soon to read you a story.”

She chuckled as she dimmed the light and softly closed the door behind her. It seemed her own mother’s oft-repeated phrase during her childhood “No buts, Arizona” had followed her here.

“I’m going to shower, babe and climb into bed with a sexy budget forecast” she sighed as she picked up her briefcase and laptop from the living room and made her way to their bedroom.

Callie had kissed her absentmindedly as she ironed some of Sofia’s clothes for the morning “’Night, I’ll be in later...might catch a bit of the game”

 

Two and a half hours and a million calculations and recalculations later she had moved on from the interminable budget( how do you forecast from quarter to quarter how many tiny humans will need help anyway?) and was now working on her 500 word synopsis as to why Peds needed new vital lifesaving state of the art equipment. She was tempted to use only 5 words “because they do damn it” except the current board did not hold fast to her philosophy that “no-one ever says no to the Tiny Humans.”

She was distracted now though by the sight of her wife pottering around their bedroom. Callie had come in half an hour before.

“Well how did it go?”

“Huh, Miami lost...again...I don’t know why I bother” Callie huffed in exasperation.

“Must be the sight of all those hot sweaty men running around in their tight...” she smirked at Callie.

She received a glare for her troubles. And she couldn’t help but grin back.

It bothered her so much, once upon a time, that Callie was bisexual, terrified her actually. She had never been one of those lesbians who distrusted bisexuals, never understood the distrust, the dislike, until Callie. Callie changed everything.

The thought of losing Calliope had almost meant she never had her in the first place. It may not have been quite love at first sight but from the very first moment, she knew Callie was different, dangerous, possessed the potential to destroy her. She didn’t know how she knew but know she did. Callie terrified her.

And she was a Type-A arrogant know- it- all and not just with work but with her romantic life too. She was self-possessed and assured. She could take on a rival in love and win but with Callie came self doubt. Callie was a newborn and even though she knew Callie loved her she found it hard to believe that she wouldn’t change her mind. Her hatred of being labelled coupled with the open and easy way she loved meant for the first time Arizona found herself doubting if she would be enough, if she was enough.

In the end her insecurities, along with a few of Callie’s own, broke them. Beyond repair, it had seemed. Then again, working in Peds, with or without magic fairy dust, should have taught her to trust in miracles. Theirs was a painful miracle but miraculous none the less and somewhere in the long and painful recovery process her insecurities slipped away.  
So now, much to Callie’s chagrin at times, she would tease her wife about her attraction to men. Deep down she knew, they both knew, that the teasing was a tacit acceptance of Callie’s sexuality and the feigned annoyance was in return Callie’s way of acknowledging old fears.

“I’m going to shower, you nearly finished there?” Callie asked, nodding at Arizona’s laptop and the bundle of papers strewn on their bed.

“Ugh, no...lots more to do” she smiled back. A smile, Callie noticed, she had been wearing on and off all evening.

“What’s up, Arizona?” she finally asked, curiosity getting the better of her. It wasn’t that a smiling Arizona was anything new, she wore a smile almost permanently but this was different, as if she knew something that Callie didn’t, it was less of a smile than her patented ‘Arizona Robbins self-satisfied smirk’.

“What? Nothing...” and she smiled that same smile again.

“Uh, no, something’s up, I can tell, you forget I know you!” Callie lightly interrogated back.

“No, it’s nothing it’s just, ya know, tonight’s just a school night” and the smirk appeared again, just broader than before.

Callie scrunched her face in confusion about to ask the obvious when Arizona innocently interrupted “...Cal, when you’re finished, can you critique my synopsis?”

Callie stood in the doorway to their bathroom replying with a smirk of her own now “Really Arizona, that’s the line you’re going with to lure me into bed? You need to work on your technique, babe.”

“Huh, you’re my wife, I don’t need to lure you, I save my best lines now for luring my mistress and my girlfriend” Arizona wore a broad grin and began to giggle uncontrollably at her own joke.

Callie merely rolled her eyes towards heaven as she made her way to the shower.

On return from her shower she went about her nightly routine, the two of them chatting intermittently about their day and their daughter.

“Hey, did she stay awake for her story? 

Callie simply nodded in reply.

Shrek and Fiona again?” Arizona quizzed.

“Of course, and this time Fiona sang so loud the ‘birdie’s feathers ex-per-loaded’”

“How unexpected!” and they both laughed at Sofia’s antics. For the last two weeks, at bedtime, she had insisted on re-enacting the same scene from one of the Shrek movies; the one where Princess Fiona sings so loud her feathered audience explodes leaving only feet and feathers behind. She of course was the Princess Fiona while either Mommie, Mama or, rumour had it on one occasion; Daddy had to play the hapless birdie.

“She told me I didn’t and I’m quoting directly here ‘ex-per load proper, not the way Mommie ex-perloads’ ”

“What can I say Cal, Mommy has secret skills and some of us are just better at ex-perloading than others”

“Oh...” Callie grinned at her wife who was leaning back against the pillows nor, work papers all tidied away but with her laptop still on her lap “...I know how good you are at ex-perloading, seeing that I get to make you ex-perload all the time”

“Calliope! You did not just turn our innocent little daughter’s bedtime routine into something...” She whispered the last part accusingly “...dirty”.

Callie shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly as she climbed into bed; Arizona automatically snuggling into her as Callie took the bright pink(and bedazzled)laptop in hand to cast a critical eye on Arizona’s work.

“Mhmm, you smell good, Callie” Arizona muttered absentmindedly as she nuzzled into her wife’s neck.

“Ah hah, you need an apostrophe there and a semi-colon there honey” Callie replied now engrossed in proof reading “...and you spelled...”

Arizona huffed back “Focus on the content, not the grammar, Callie”

“Grammar is important, one misplaced apostrophe here, an incorrect tense there and you can have a catastrophe.” intoned Callie now engrossed in reading.

Arizona stuck out her tongue, quietly muttering something about a grammar Nazi. Callie retorted “I can see you out of the corner of my eye, ya know, and if I see Sofia sticking out her tongue I’ll know who’s to blame!”

She noticed Arizona sporting the same smile as before, if anything it was getting wider.

“It’s good, really good, the Board won’t be able to resist.” she said when she finished reading and correcting, putting the laptop down beside the bed and turning to face her wife.  
“Now, babe, what’s with the smirking, you’ve been doing it all night and it’s getting worse, out with it”

“Huh? I’m just, ya know...content, it’s a school night, ya know?”

“Uhm, no, not really...what’s a school night, cause last time I checked ain’t no students here, so...?”

Arizona shifted uncomfortably before saying “forget it; you’ll just laugh at me and...”

Callie suppressed a grin, pulling her wife close to her and after nodding said “I promise I won’t laugh, now spill.”

Arizona lay on her back, sighed and began “you know when you were a kid, those nights where something special was going on, out of the ordinary, like, like...Christmas Eve waiting for Santa Claus or the day before the Summer Holidays or, oooh, like after you’ve lost a tooth and you’re waiting for the tooth fairy to come by?” 

Callie bit her tongue to prevent the laughter building up inside her from escaping. Arizona was by far the most adult mature person she’d ever had a relationship with and yet at times she still had the exuberance and enthusiasm of a five year old.

“Yeah, ok.”

“But then there were all those other nights, that nothing special happened, you know? Just evenings and nights like all others, coming home from school, doing chores, homework, dinner, a little tv then bed early for school the next day, just ordinary nights.”

“O-kay” Callie said not having any idea where Arizona was wandering with this.

“Well, those ordinary, routine, nothing-much-happening nights were school nights and...”

“Wait, you said tonight was a school night, right?”

Arizona nodded in reply.

“So, what, tonight was a routine, ordinary, nothing night...what are you saying, are you saying we’re boring, I’m boring, that you’re not ha...I mean, what?” Callie asked in confusion, brow furrowed.

Arizona was now the one smothering a laugh, leaning in as she did so to plant a light but loving kiss on the full lips before her “Oh, hush Calliope, you could never be boring even if you tried”

“Ok, but...” Callie was a reassured but no less confused.

“Tonight was one of those nights, an ordinary night, I got home first, collected our duckling from Day-care – she talked the whole way home about how her new “boyfriend” Joey and when we got home she “helped” me do some laundry before you got home. You arrived and while I made dinner you guys had a tickle war. After I put her to bed I heard the two of you laughing in her room...just a simple night...and I thought about when I was a kid and...” she sighed but Callie squeezed her hand in a gesture of encouragement “...the nights I remember best aren’t the special ones, I remember the school nights...not any one in particular cause they were all pretty much the same, all part of the routine, but I remember the routine, the sheer ordinariness, how safe and secure it was,nothing unexpected, just ...”

“...school nights.” Callie finished off for her.

“Yeah, those are the nights I really remember when I think about growing up, the routine,mundane nights... and tonight felt like one of those nights, safe, secure...”

“Routine and mundane? Really? ‘Cause you were all smiling and they don’t seem all smiley happy words, I mean safe and secure is great but they’re not exactly sexy and exciting and...”

“I was smiling, Calliope...” and she was smiling again now “...because I realised that if I’m really really lucky, I might get to share another fifty years of ordinary routine nights with you...I might get to watch you go to have a shower but after about fifty seconds see you come back into the bedroom because you’ve forgotten something, I might get to hear you humming off-key in the shower, get to watch you come out wearing nothing but a towel while you search for a clean tee-shirt, watch you apply your face cream, watch you climb into our bed and my arms...and yeah you make me feel safe and secure and thinking about you doing that for the next fifty years is the sexiest most exciting thing ever” and she buried her face in the crook of Callie’s neck a little embarrassed by her sudden and not so characteristic outburst of sentiment.

“Wow...just wow” Callie laughed, even as she felt overcome by love and affection for the woman in her arms “...you make routine and mundane sound glorious and magnificent” and as she pulled her wife impossibly closer whispered “... fifty years of school nights, huh?”

Arizona nodded into her neck and could feel the smile develop on her wife’s lips as Callie muttered “school nights are for learning right?”

 

“Uh-huh” Arizona replied feeling Callie’s giggles before hearing them.

 

“Well then, how about you teach me your awesome ‘ex-perloading skills’, babe?” as she rolled on top of her wife. 

 

And there was nothing mundane about the rest of their night.


	14. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a conversation set near the end of their first ‘married’ Christmas Day (Written as part of the ga_fanfic Secret Santa 2011 for just_drifting_6 who wanted Callie/Arizona).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just re-read this before posting it. Given the events of end Season 8 and since then 9 & 10 this feels kind of sad now but when it was written...I thought nothing would tear them apart.

“Oh God, I Love You...” the words were half screamed, half moaned as Arizona came hard, rolling off Callie as the full impact of their shared orgasms still coursed through her. The words spoken involuntarily but no less sincere or heartfelt for that“...so much.” The last words gasped out in a mere whisper as she struggled to get air into searing lungs.  
Callie, also struggling for air and a semblance of coherence and knowing that actual words were beyond her capability at that exact moment, fumbled in the tangled sheets for Arizona’s hand and locating it squeezed tightly, once then twice. An acknowledgement and then, after many moments and several deep breaths later “Me too, babe...me too.”  
For a while the only sound audible in the apartment was their ragged breathing and a muffled ticking clock from the living room. 11.15 pm Christmas Night. The streets around their apartment uncharacteristically quiet. They were exhausted, shattered even. It had been a long, long day.

 

They had been awoken by their own living breathing alarm clock at 6.30 am Christmas Morning. What little hope they’d harboured for a lie in on a rare mutual holiday off was dashed by a now familiar wailing emanating from the nursery but amplified in stereo through the baby monitor.

“Ougghhh, Sofia! Doesn’t she know its Christmas morning?” Callie had muttered in her usual half asleep disgruntled mode.

Her sleeping companion, who herself seldom reached fully awake status without a double caffeine shot, chirped uncharacteristically for the time it was “Apparently not! Be grateful because when she figures Christmas and Santa Claus out she’ll be waking us up at 4 am! Happy Christmas, Calliope!” 

“Uh, yeah, ap..ee..is..mas A..zona” or at least that’s what her wife’s reply sounded like, muffled as it was by sleep and the warm duvet Callie had once again snuggled under, rapidly approaching fully asleep status again.

“Oh, no, pretty lady; it’s time to get up time!” Arizona said breezily as she threw back the covers, grabbing a dressing gown from a chair for herself and throwing one on the bed for Callie too. She reached down and planted a sloppy kiss on Callie’s lips before unceremoniously pulling the duvet off the bed while reciting like a mantra “It’s Christmas, it’s Christmas, its Christmas” over and over again.

In fairness she had warned Callie that Christmas morning was not like any other morning of the year.

364 days a year Arizona Robbins was a morning grouch. She could sleep through disasters, natural and manmade; deafening thunder and shrill police sirens. However the sounds of her alarm clock, their pagers and, they had discovered in recent months, the slightest Sofia-related noise would wake her in an instant. Waking up and being happy about it were not however one and the same. Caffeine (and lots of it) and, once the crying stopped, a morning cuddle from Sofia were about the only cures for Arizona’s morning-it-is. If anything she made Callie, a renowned morning grump herself, look like Perky McPerk in the mornings.

But...on the 365th day Arizona would bounce out of bed, full of Christmas spirit, not unlike the excited child on Christmas morning she once had been. Unlike most people the discovery of the awful truth about a certain rotund rosy cheeked Arctic dweller with a predilection for shimmying down chimneys had dimmed her enthusiasm but little. Yes, Arizona Robbins was decidedly not a morning person BUT she was a CHRISTMAS Morning person.

“Arizona! Stop...want to sleep!” 

“Nope, up, up and away.” Arizona was relentless, by now she had dragged Callie out of the bed too. Dipping to place a fond kiss on unruly bed-hair she continued “I’ll see to our little duckling, you shower and I’ll have hot chocolate and a mince pie waiting for you in the kitchen...happy Christmas!” and with that she was gone in a whirlwind of activity.  
“Who are you and what have you done with my wife?” Callie was left to mutter to no-one in particular. It was now 6.35a.m. It was then she realised or remembered that though this was the third Christmas since she and Arizona had first started dating it was their first Christmas morning together. The thought of another fifty more brought her first smile of the day to her lips. 

 

It was the first of many smiles. Hot Chocolate and mince pies in the company of her two favourite ladies in the world; exchanging gifts, one recipient bouncing up and down with excitement and giggling incoherently; the other, Sofia, a tad more refined. Mark arrived at nine, laden down with gifts for Sofia and Callie and to her surprise Arizona too including an original Julia Childs cookbook, signed by the author, at least 40 years old, complete with additional handwritten notes and recipes in the margins from a previous owner.

 

Preparations for dinner began early. 

Callie was on turkey duty, Arizona was rostered for all the trimmings and Mark took charge of dessert. They hadn’t planned a big get together, it was just going to be them, and Mark. Or at least that was what Arizona had assumed. She had long since resigned herself to sharing the festive Brussels sprouts with Mark so had therefore been surprised when Callie had timidly asked if, as he was alone, again they might invite him over. It turned out that Callie had assumed initially it would just be Arizona, herself and Sofia (and a chicken masquerading as a turkey). Once Mark was included it was Callie too who suggested inviting Teddy, though in the end she declined. Her loss still too raw, the circumstances too fresh, so Teddy had chosen to work.

Bailey was off and Arizona casually invited her and Little Tuck, not really expecting a yes but Miranda had spent too many holidays alone lately so eagerly accepted. After that things snowballed. Miranda mentioned that Richard was struggling with Adele’s situation, so the two of them were added to the mix. By then the word was out. Yang invited herself saying Pizza for Christmas dinner was a step too far, even if she was Jewish. Owen just looked forward to the rarity of a home cooked meal. Dinner was set for five but lots of others were invited to drop in for drinks if they had time before or after shifts etc... April arrived with presents for Sofia before her shift began, Karev arrived mid shift, made himself a turkey sandwich, updated Arizona on the goings on in Peds then left clutching hors d’oeuvres and pudding and Little Grey came at the end of her shift, had a couple of drinks, kissed Mark on the lips and fled. In the end apart from dinner guests there had been a steady stream of callers all day long. By the time the last guests left it was after nine; by agreement Mark had taken an exhausted Sofia across the hall for the night so they were alone. Somehow on the way to the kitchen to start cleaning up there was a detour to the bedroom via the couch and via the bedroom door and via the shower.

 

Nearly two hours and a very strenuous and enjoyable workout later their breathing was returning to normal levels.

 

Still grasping Arizona’s hand Callie managed to utter “I love everything we do, with...to each other, with our bodies, with...but God, when we come together like that, it’s amazing, it’s...I feel so close to you when we...”

Her words triggered something in Arizona, a want, a visceral need almost and she rolled back onto her side, pressing her naked body tightly against Callie’s right side, throwing her right arm across Callie’s body, laying her head gently on Callie’s still lightly heaving chest. Unconsciously repeating her words from earlier “I love you so, so much” then lightly placing chaste kisses at the top of the swell of her breasts.

“Hey” Callie responded softly “...me too. Happy Christmas, baby...our first Christmas together.” 

Arizona stopped her ministrations and looked up at Callie in mild confusion. “First?”

“Well, yeah, as wives anyway, and as Mommies....” Callie stopped in mid sentence as Arizona beamed a broad smile at her “....and our first as a couple was hardly together...remember I worked all Christmas and you worked all New Years Eve...I think we only spent a couple of hours together the whole holidays...”

“  
I remember.” Arizona muttered even as she pressed her body ever more tightly against that of her wife.

She noticed Arizona’s demeanour changing, well it was hard not to as her smile changed to a frown and then a sadness seemed to settle on her face.

“Arizona, what’s wrong?” Callie asked softly. Callie felt her shake her head even as she wrapped her arm and leg over Callie’s body trying to pull her even closer still.

“Arizona?” She asked more firmly this time.

“I need, I want... to get closer to you, I can’t get close enough, I need to be under your skin, inside of you, part of you, so close that.....”

“I’m pretty sure you were inside me barely ten minutes ago, babe” Callie’s jocular reply earned her a poke in the ribs and a muffled “shuddup” and then silence for a while.

“I wish we were so close not even a scalpel could separate us ever again.”

 

Callie could hear sadness almost desperation in Arizona’s voice and it confused her. They had just spent the most sublime picture postcard Christmas together, with their daughter, their friends. They had just spent hours making love and Arizona had been effervescent all day and now she seemed almost despondent.

“Arizona, nothing is going to separate us, we’re good, really, we’re great, where’s this all coming from?” 

The silence seemed to stretch into infinity whereas in reality it was only moments before Arizona answered.

 

“That first Christmas, we made all these plans, remember, all the things we were going to do and then our schedules came out and you were so upset because we weren’t going to spend it together so I promised that...”

“You said next year we’d have our proper Christmas, that we’d somehow get the time off and we’d...that it would be perfect.” Callie remembered.

“I meant it, every word, even if it scared the hell out of me cause I was making a commitment, a whole year in advance and I never did that not for anyone before you but I meant it, I meant all the promises I made you, everyone of them.”

 

Callie stayed silent but placed a kiss on the blonde head now lying on her chest.

 

“Last Christmas...I had just come back, to a slammed door, to a deafening silence, we were done, we were over and that’s when I realised, properly, fully, what I had done, the promises I made that I had broken...”

“Arizona, stop, this is ancient history, last Christmas was...”

“The worst time of my life.”

Words simply stated as fact. Stated sadly with a sigh.

“Where did you spend Christmas Day?” Callie realised in that moment she had never asked what Arizona had done while she herself had spent the day breaking into bilingual rants about the blonde woman who had broken her heart, rants about how much she hated her, loved her; needed her to leave, needed her to stay; rants screamed as she paced back and forth in Marks apartment, rants to Mark, on the phone to her father, to Addison in LA, to God and at God.

“I volunteered to cover the Pit and Peds, and then ended up in an on call room for a few hours. I had Turkey sandwiches in the Cafeteria and a half bottle of Tequila in Joes after midnight.”

 

“But we survived and we’re here now and today was...” Callie’s words were interrupted.

“Best Christmas ever.”

Another simply stated fact. Stated happily with a smile.

Callie smiled as she placed another kiss on blonde curls. Now she was the one pulling Arizona closer, almost on top of her.

“What if I mess it up, or you do or...we’re morons you and me sometimes and...What if next Christmas or the one after we’re not...” Arizona worried.  
“We’re not going to mess this up. We.Are.Together and we’re staying together and...”

“But what if you get sick or you get hurt in an accident or...” Arizona was crying now, openly even as Callie wiped the tears from her wife’s face. “I want to be so close that...we can’t be separated, like, like...conjoined twins sharing vital organs and...” Even as she spoke the last words she recognised their absurdity and just like that the tears became tears of laughter and the moment lightened.

“Arizona, I can’t promise that one of us won’t get ill or...but I can promise that you and I will be together for as long as we are both still breathing, I love you and you love me and nothing else matters, remember?”

This time all she felt was an affirmative nod.

“Besides, you are already as close to me as humanly possible...no, closer than that. You got under my skin a long long time ago. I’m pretty sure you are part of my heart and I’m part of yours and I know my soul is conjoined with yours.”

Arizona raised her head to look Callie in the eye, gifting her with a super-magic smile too. “Wow, who taught you to deliver speeches like that?”

“I have this wife, she’s been known to make a speech or two, think I learnt from her.”

She sounds great” Arizona replied with a giggle.

“No, actually she’s awesome” Callie laughed back as she shifted in the bed pulling Arizona directly on top of her now, making her intentions clear as moved her hands lower down her body.

“Callie, really? I mean, you want to go again, aren’t you exhausted, it must be after midnight and...”

Callie looked over at the clock; it was a few minutes before midnight. “Nope it’s still Christmas and... ya know like they say Christmas comes but once a year so no, I’m not exhausted and...”

Arizona cut her off “Christmas comes but once a year, huh?” and she lowered her head to Callie’s breasts before looking up one last time with a glint of mischief in her eyes “Well Calliope, good job your parents didn’t name you Christmas so...” and she lowered her mouth again towards Callie’s chest.

 

Best Christmas ever.


	15. My Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: (Written as part of the Callie_Arizona community Secret Santa 2011. Prompt included “anything with Sofia’s first Christmas, even an argument over where Christmas morning should be held, grandparents in the mix, maybe a resolution with Lucia Torres”)

“Okay, so you happy with it there, Major Robbins?” Extra emphasis on the army rank as he put up the last, but one, Christmas decoration. 

“Yes, Private Sloan” Arizona couldn’t help the slight sneer in her voice. God if Mark thought she was a hard taskmaster he should have tried growing up in the Colonels house.

“Okay, then...” Mark took the final sip of the rather delicious mulled wine Arizona had made from scratch earlier as “provisions for the troops” then carefully placed his glass on the coaster provided. A shiver went down his spine at the thought of the punishment the blonde might order if he left a stain on the furniture – K.P duty for a year (he wasn’t actually sure what that was but it was in all his comic books as a kid) or Dirty Diaper Disposal - whatever it might be it wouldn’t be fun, for him. It was quite likely to be “fun” for both Robbins and Torres. No-one appreciated how hard it was for him – he was whipped, hen-pecked even, by not one but two hot bossy women, but without the sexy benefits that usually came as a consolation prize. And Sofia was, at not yet eight months of age, showing signs of being every inch her Mommy’s (and her Mama’s) daughter. Yes, he, Mark Sloan, former manwhore and now baby Daddy, was now well and truly whipped by all the women in his life. Not the way he had ever dreamt it but, aside from his “Lexie” regrets, he wouldn’t change a thing.

“....right so I’ll see you in the morning...our girl’s first Christmas...nine hundred hours good for you or do you need me to report for duty earlier?”

“Nine is fine Mark.” She hid her smirk at his use of military terms today (usually in completely the wrong context) as his self-styled “Operation Sofia’s First Christmas“swung into operation; the tree was bought, erected and decorated. That took longer, twice as long as it ever did in her childhood home, because, every aspect of the decoration had to be negotiated and that was just with her and Mark. Callie had been called in after two local geniuses had fallen off their roofs in a mindless competition as to which of them had the most Christmas lights on their roof – answer – neither as they both managed to break their electric circuits as well as multiple bones. So it had been just her and Mark in a weirdly domestic setting of squabbling over where to place the crib, the mistletoe, the decorations on the tree, the Angel or the Star on top, the flashing or the static lights. Bickering, disagreeing on almost everything, ultimately compromising, laughing a lot at, occasionally with Mark. It was peculiar and strange but in an odd sort of way kind of...okay. It had been...fun, almost. It had been a long while since she spent the day bickering and quarrelling with an overgrown immature but funny guy. He wasn’t Timothy, never would be, but....well he was Mark. Now if only he’d stop with the staring.

As Mark left closing the door behind him she couldn’t help but sigh as she looked at the overgrown monstrosity now taking up too much space in the living room. It was way too big, completely out of proportion. They couldn’t agree on a tree so they’d drawn straws; Mark won and of course size mattered so they got the biggest tree there. Arizona was sure Mark was compensating for something. So she looked at the tree and shook her head and sighed and clutching her glass sat down and waited for her wife to emerge from Sofia’s room.

 

It hit Callie like a ton of bricks. Sofia had taken an age to settle as if she could sense the Christmas excitement of the adults around her. So she had tiptoed out of the bedroom quietly just in time to observe, unseen, Mark’s departure and Arizona’s wistful look, the shake of her head, the heavy sigh. Maybe it was that or the fact that she was now sitting on their red couch, glass in hand, waiting for her that brought it to mind. Whatever the reason the memory, long forgotten emerged with surprising force and clarity, like a diver emerging from the deep blue sea.

Of all the bad memories she might have chosen to repress this was not the most obvious. She remembered, in Technicolor almost, the sight of Arizona bent over a small child in protection, whispering a terrified mantra. She could recall in vivid detail every angry word that passed between them in an Airport departure lounge; could recall, almost photographically, every nuance of conversations on unwanted motherhood; would never forget the horror of a moment that seemed to encompass her entire life, when a truck and then a windscreen came into sharp focus. She could even remember things, that logically, were impossible – conversations, images, emotions of those in her presence and beyond – while she lay in a coma – blurred images set to a soundtrack of indie music.

But this memory had been buried deep, not recalled since her accident, until now. 

The words uttered being heard by her again, maybe properly for the first time.

“My dream doesn’t look like this.”

Callie remembered the look on her wife’s face back then, back when Arizona was just a girlfriend, beloved but not trusted. Back then she had felt annoyed, angry almost that Arizona’s jealousy, her failure to just let it be was coming to the fore again. Only Callie could see it clearly now. From the distance of ten months on - the look of resigned acceptance on Arizona’s face, that this was her life now; that she had made her bed and now she had to lie in it - even if it meant sharing it with Mark.

“A lifetime of decisions...with Mark.” 

She tried to shake the images, the sounds of words falling from those most sensuous lips; she tried to tell herself that she was being foolish, that Arizona was happy, that she made her so happy, her and Sofia. God knows Arizona told her often enough. But was she? Callie remembered now, as if the words had only just been uttered, the terror they had struck in her heart. Ten months ago, when Sofia was just a baby bump, without a chosen name, without her own unique personality, a blurred image on a scan, more concept than reality

“Bottle or sippy cup... Basketball or Tap, Dartmouth or Berkeley ....Christmas mornings...with Mark”

Maybe it was because she had still been angry at her for leaving, maybe it was because she had not yet been convinced that Arizona would stay; whatever the reason she hadn’t heard the despair, seen the sorrow, felt the pain...until now. After the accident, after Sofia was born, after the proposal and the acceptance none of it seemed to matter. All her anger at Arizona had just disappeared – they got married. They lived their lives looking forward not back.

She had not looked back – until now.

It hit her like a ton of bricks – this was not Arizona’s dream. She had her dream – Arizona had given it to her – a home, love, a family – but what had she given Arizona in return – a lifetime with Mark.

She tried to stop them but the tears came unbidden, falling like rain. As she walked across the living room to the red couch she thought she could actually feel her heart break.  
Arizona had laid back in the seat, eyes closed, savouring the moment, waiting for Callie to join her. She sensed her approach opening her eyes with a smile already resident on her face, a smile that quickly died when she saw Callie.

“Cal? What’s wrong, oh my God is Sofia sick, has she a temperature is she...” her maternal panic dissipating with each shake of Callie’s head.  
“I’m sorry, Arizona, I’m so sorry...” Callie whimpered more than spoke as she sat beside her wife “...I am truly, please forgive me.”

“Calliope? What, what’s wrong, why are you apologising?”

But Callie was now sobbing in her wife’s arms “I love you so much and I’m sorry, I’m sorry” 

“Calliope, it’s okay, whatever this is, it’s okay” and Arizona knew it would be, because whatever it was she knew her wife would not really have done anything to truly hurt them.  
Callie, a little more composed now, only the odd stray tear escaping. She shook her head saying “It’s not okay, but I can’t fix it, because I can’t let you go, I can’t, I’m sorry”

Arizona just shook her head, her face etched in confusion, mouthing the word ‘what’ even as she moved herself closer to Callie so that their sides were touching.

“You gave me my dream, Arizona and...” Arizona couldn’t help but smile at the words but the smile gave way to a furrowed brow as Callie continued “...I took yours away.”  
Even as Arizona shook her head Callie went on “This isn’t your dream...a life time with Mark Sloan...a baby with Mark...that wasn’t your dream, it’s your nightmare and...”

“No!”

“Yes, Arizona, and your dream was Africa and you once said I was ruining it...but I wasn’t, not back then but in the end I did anyway and...”

“Stop, just stop, stop talking.” anger audible in Arizona’s voice now.

Callie looked at her in surprise; she hadn’t thought any of this out but hadn’t expected anger.

“I married you, I love you, I tell you every chance I get that I love YOU, I try to show you how damn much I love you! How can you still doubt that I love you? How...”

“Arizona, no, I...”

“What do I have to do to prove it to you? How can you doubt that I love her, Jesus Callie...?”

“I don’t! I don’t doubt you, I know you love me, I know how much you love, no, adore her...I know you will never leave us. I trust you absolutely...but it doesn’t change the facts that I destroyed your dream, Africa, helping the tiny humans in Malawi, that’s how I’ve repaid you...that and giving you a lifetime of Mark in your face and...” Callie’s words never got a chance to be spoken, smothered as they were by Arizona’s lips on hers. A long and languid kiss broken only when Arizona pulled away saying “You’re a Moron, you know that, right?”

“I saw the way you looked when he left, you sighed and...”

“I spent the entire day with Mark, watching him flirt, badly by the way, with every female we met. Each one that didn’t respond to him, he told me she “had to be batting for” my team; he stared at my boobs, told juvenile jokes and talked in military clichés all day long...it was a long day...and then....” her words would have sounded like complaints were they not accompanied by a bemused grin and a lilt in her voice “...and then he insisted on us buying ...that” Arizona gestured to the huge tree in the corner. “He actually said the words ‘Size matters, biggest is best and I know what I’m talking about, baby’ “at which point Arizona laughed out loud.

“What? Are you saying you had a good time today, with Mark?” Callie asked quietly, the tracks of her tears still visible on her cheeks “...that you’re not hating the thought of ...Christmas morning with...Mark and...”

“Well let’s not go overboard” Arizona giggled leaning in for another kiss. Then, kiss over, she pulled Callie’s head towards hers so they were almost touching, then caressing Callie’s cheeks with her thumbs and looked at her solemnly. “Callie, we have a relationship, we are married, me and you and that doesn’t include Mark. And we, me and you, have a daughter, we are a family and that doesn’t include Mark. Mark is her Dad and our friend and our extended family...”

“But your dream didn’t look like that, I mean....”

“No, it didn’t” Arizona cut her off simply.

Callie swallowed and looked at the floor.

“I never dreamt of a life with someone like you, I never dreamt of a baby like her, with you...my dreams were wonderful, full of helping tiny humans, with people lining up for me, my dreams involved me being free, no long term commitments, free to do what I wanted when I wanted...my dreams were...nothing in comparison to my reality.”

“But....”

“But nothing....you say I gave you your dream....I am so so grateful you didn’t give me my mine...instead you gave me my life, my wonderful life with you and our baby...”

They fell asleep entangled in each other and fully clothed on the sofa. It was after midnight before Arizona woke up, leaving out milk and a mince pie for Santa and rearranging presents under the tree before dragging a half asleep Callie to their bedroom.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Happy Christmas Morning, baby girl...” Arizona cooed as she took their little girl from Callie’s arms “...Santa’s been here, he drank some milk we left out and look he’s just left some crumbs behind from the mince pie and he’s left you something under the tree and...”

“You realise she’s only eight months old, right? She doesn’t really get the whole Christmas, Santa thing just yet? Right? She’s yet to figure out there is a Santa Clause never mind...” as she spoke she brushed the telltale mince pie crumbs of Arizona’s shirt and licked the trace of a milk moustache from Arizona’s upper lip “...the crushing disappointment of discovering at age 6 that Mommy is Santa and...”

“Calliope! Sshhh....” Arizona whispered hurriedly as she covered Sofia’s little ears “...she’s like a sponge at this age!”

“Arizona she’s a baby ....” 

“A sponge, Callie, a baby shaped sponge...”

“I married a dork” Callie shook her head leaning in and kissing her dork softly “Happy Christmas, babe”.

After a leisurely breakfast of Coffee, bagels and sprinkled donuts for two and warm milk for one they placed Sofia in her play pen and sat back and enjoyed the perfect solitude of the moment while it lasted. Before long Mark had arrived at 9am sharp for two important ceremonies. Present opening and the Angel ceremony. Arizona had explained that when she was growing up Christmas morning was when the top of the tree was decorated; in the Robbins home it was with a star, it appeared that in the Robbins-Torres home it would be with an angel.

“Ok, so we’re going to do this?” Mark asked “....cause I really need to get back to the Turkey and my hors d’oeuvres and... we should be doing this in my place so I wouldn’t have to go back and forth to check on the bird all the time and...”

“Mark, shut it.” Callie said sternly “Firstly we decided, we took a vote and our apartment is where Christmas is being held, your place is just too small and secondly YOU insisted on doing the Turkey ‘and all the trimmings’ remember ? Besides Arizona and I don’t really want to hear about your problems with... birds, feathered or non feathered varieties”

“Calliope!” Arizona giggled in admonishment.

“Hmmm...” Mark huffed “....Blondie, your wife has a mean streak in her.”

“So Sofia, time to do the honours baby girl” Callie placed the angel in Sofia’s pudgy little hand and Sofia after staring at it with her big brown eyes for a moment then tested it in time honoured fashion by placing it in her mouth and chewing. 

“Mark you want to hold her while she places the Angel on the tree?” Arizona asked softly.

“Really, me? You want me to...” Mark swallowed thickly.

“Yeah, My Dad always lifted me up...Daddies are good for that kinda stuff” Arizona said even more softly as she felt Callie's arms sweep around her, and in a whisper only Callie could hear “...and Mommies are really good for this kinda stuff” as they snuggled into each other watching in pride as Sofia, aged almost 8 months, placed the angel on top of her first Christmas tree.

A glass or two of eggnog later (and chocolate milk for Sofia) later Mark departed for turkey watch bringing Arizona with him for an urgent roast potato consult. After checking the status of all there was an awkward silence.

“Thanks for letting me do this with you guys this year, Robbins.”

“No problem.”

“Except it could have been, if you had wanted it to be, Callie will always take your side, you know that, right?”

“Mark, it’s not like...”

“No, it is but that’s the way it’s supposed to be – she’s your wife and your hers – you have each other’s backs – that’s what a good marriage is about and you guys, you have a great marriage.”

Arizona beamed at him. “I like to think so.”

 

“After everything, I’d understand if you didn’t want me...I said some stuff that...”

“Ancient history, ok, Mark...” Arizona was never going to be a great communicator when it came to her own feelings and while opening up with Callie was becoming second nature it was different with others, especially Mark.

“I called you nothing...and I never even believed that to be true...but I was so scared that I was going to lose them both and you were the only one I could lash out at...my daughters lucky to have you as her Mommy.”

“I love her so much, Mark.” 

“I know, it’s not like you hide it, Blondie.”

“Every inch of her, her beautiful eyes, her stunning black hair...”

“Purely her Mama” Mark interrupted.

“...and her cute little nose” Arizona continued “...which I’ve heard described as the Sloan nose. So in the interest of fairness you’re a great Daddy too and you’re not just the sperm donor.”

 

Mark sighed. “So you and me, we’re....friends now right?”

“Yes Mark.” 

“And friends stick up for each other even if one of them has done something....”

“Sloan, what did you do?” Arizona eyed him up carefully.

“Uhm....I may have invited some people to your place for dinner today....”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

Sofia was napping, Callie and Arizona, having prepared the table for three adults and one Sofia, were relaxing watching the Wizard of Oz on TV or at least Callie was.

“Arizona, you’re like a Cat on a hot tin roof, relax or else go to Marks and help out if you’re so worried about his cooking but chill out...”

Knock knock knock.

Arizona nearly jumped out of her skin. 

“Arizona, it’s probably just Mark trying to get the door while carrying our dinner, I’ll open it, okay?”

“Oh, God, Callie it’s not Mark, It might be...” she had wanted to tell her wife ever since Mark had dropped his bombshell but he’d said no because he wasn’t sure if the guests would show. All Arizona had wanted was a nice loving quiet Christmas with her family then Mark had to go and do this.

Knock knock knock.

 

“Jesus, Sloan, I’m com...” Callie paused mid-word as she opened the door “Ma, Mama?”

Lucia Torres stood there, a scared smile on her face, looking every inch a condemned woman. Her husband now joining her, mostly hidden by a load of tastefully wrapped presents.

“Daddy?”

“Mi’ja, Happy Christmas, where is my little granddaughter?” and Carlos kissed her warmly then breezed past her into the apartment, stopping briefly to hug and kiss Arizona, before dropping the presents under the tree.

“Arizona, did you know about this?” Callie had turned back into the living room, leaving her mother frozen on the doorstep, her question forceful.

“Since this morning, M-Mark told me but...” Arizona replied, uncertainty all over her voice, praying silently that Christmas was not about to go up in flames.

“What are you doing here, Mama?” Callie tried to keep her voice steady but it wavered nonetheless. She saw the door to Marks apartment open and then close suddenly. Sloan, she told herself, would pay for this.

“I...I wanted to see my daughter for Christmas, and my granddaughter....” Lucia’s voice never timid before was now, even as she took a deep breath and continued “...and, and my daughter-in-law.”

Callie stared at her in silence, even as she could hear her father in the background making baby noises to Sofia. Still her Mama said ‘granddaughter’ and then ’daughter-in-law’ so what did that mean. “Oh.” Was all she could mutter in reply.

Arizona approached the two women carefully; one the love of her life, the other a woman who had nearly broken the first woman’s heart but who, Arizona knew, remained incredibly important none the less.

“Lucia...”

“Arizona...happy Christmas.”

“I just wanted to wish you all a very Happy Christmas and a better New Year – I know the last year has brought you both a great deal of hurt and troubles and...”

“And joy too Mama, we had a baby and we got married...you may have forgotten that because...” Callie's words were interrupted by Arizona’s gentle squeeze on her arm.

“I am deeply, deeply, so...deeply sorry for what I did Callie....” Lucia swallowed and composed herself “...to both of you. I don’t expect you to forgive me today, we just called with presents we’re staying at the Archfield, we have a dinner appointment at...and ....I just hope one day you can...”

“It’s Christmas.” The words popped out of Arizona a lot louder than intended.

Both Callie and her Mama stared at her, the same stare from identical eyes, the same eyes her daughter had too. A stare that suggested they might be dealing with a mad woman.  
Arizona shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot “Well it is.” A lot lower and a little defensively; both Callie and even Lucia smiled back.

“We have turkey...” Arizona continued with a characteristic small nod, as if convincing herself of the fact “and parsnips and Brussels sprouts” her nose crinkled up involuntarily at the thought of the festive veg “and enough roast potatoes to feed a platoon.”

Now even Carlos and Sofia were staring.

“Stay for dinner, Christmas dinner?” the invite directed at the Torres but the question directed at her wife, a silent question accompanied by a hesitant version of a super-magic smile.

 

So they stayed. It was uneasy, tension in the air, even after Lucia held her granddaughter and, clearly captivated by her, cooed and cuddled with her even as silent tears streamed down her face. Carlos diplomatically (cowardly) disappeared to assist Chef Sloan in the other apartment. Mark and Carlos had been instrumental in the visit happening at all.

“Mama” Callie approached her mother after Sofia had been handed over to Arizona “...one visit, one doorstep apology doesn’t fix this, a shared meal doesn’t mean...” she couldn’t continue as tears began to fall down her face. Tears of anger and sadness and bitter disappointment. Lucia’s tears fell too, of sorrow, of shame....

Arizona was at a loss. This was a moment for a Robbins speech but she was also the one who didn’t always get people, didn’t always call it right. 

“But it’s a start, right?” She had her arms around her wife’s waist, the intimacy between them not hidden from Lucia, not lost on her but she looked at Lucia as she spoke.  
Lucia nodded hopefully. Callie nodded more carefully.

 

“On Christmas Day, during World War I, in the trenches, simultaneously truces broke out, between the warring armies, they sang Christmas Carols – ‘Stille Nacht, Holy Night’ and they played soccer in No Man’s land and exchanged provisions so...” Arizona trailed off, prudently deciding not to mention that hostilities inevitably broke out again after the Holiday passed.

“Happy Christmas, Mama.” Callie said quietly, disentangling herself from Arizona to stand in front of her mother who closed the gap between then and pulled her daughter into a tight hug “Happy Christmas my Darling Callie.”

 

As if on cue Carlos and Mark arrived with turkey and trimmings in tow and so began Christmas dinner.

Their first Christmas as wives, Sofia’s first ever. The first of many (but not all) shared with Mark. Their first (but not their last) shared with Mr. And Mrs. Torres. Their first of two as mothers of one child; by the third Christmas their brood had increased and by the sixth it had increased again.

It was the first and last in Apartment 502; their first shared home together simply became too small as Sofia began to meet her developmental goals. 

Their first Christmas as a happy married couple; the first of very many over the coming decades.

 

Far better than any dream it was their life.


	16. Blossomed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arizona ponders her newfound realisation. Mark had become her friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when reading these its important ( maybe) to realise that they were written a long time ago. Like this one written not long after the Valentines Day "camping" in Dereks trailer episode. Long before planes, amputations and the rest.

To say it was unexpected would be an understatement, the understatement of the year. And yet as she let the thought roll round her brain she knew that unexpected or not it was true. And she couldn’t but smile at the thought in all its unexpected and truth filled glory.

 

Sure it wasn’t something she had planned; it wasn’t something she’d even ever countenanced planning and yet there it was and she couldn’t help smile again and be happy for it. For it was a good thing, for all of them, really it was, yet that wasn’t really the point, was it? If it was then she’d have set her cap at it, planned meticulously to achieve it and doubtlessly she’d have succeeded, because she was Arizona Robbins and she did not do failure. But this- this happened organically, grew of its own volition, unloved and for a time most definitely unwanted; it grew when she, and everyone else was looking in the opposite direction - like a beautiful rare flower in an untended and weed filled garden.  
Growing unnoticed until one day it was simply there in all its blossomed glory just waiting to be noticed. And tonight she finally noticed it and wondered how she had missed it before.

It was a bit incongruous that her true feelings for Mark should somehow become clear to her tonight of all nights. And she knew it was a bit, well weird for want of a better word, that she was thinking of Mark and analysing her feelings towards him and indeed, his for her, as she lay wrapped in her Calliope’s arms, safe and secure and loved by her wife. Weird and maybe even wrong that after the most romantic night of “non-camping” she’d ever had; after the most wonderful Valentine’s night, after the most perfect night of gentle lovemaking and orgasmic, out- of- this- cosmos, sex with her soul-mate and companion for life, her head was filled with thoughts of Mark “McSteamy” Sloan. 

“Eeewww” she suddenly thought “...not in a sexual way...God, god, NOooo” her entire body shivered involuntarily at the thought, causing the warm body next to her to stir briefly.

“Babe, you...okay?” Callie’s sleepy and croaky voice whispered in her ear even as those strong arms enveloped her even more tightly than before causing another shiver to run through her body, this time for polar-opposite reasons.

“I’m fine, babe, go back to sleep” she whispered in reply, and waited with a knowing smile, for the gentle snores that were such a soundtrack to her life now to be heard once again. It never failed to amaze her, her wife’s ability to fall back into a sound sleep so quickly, no matter what. Sadly, it was not a trait their daughter had inherited, at least not thus far. She supposed that genetic trait would probably manifest itself when Sofia was a grumbling morose teenager making their lives a version of hell on earth. She couldn’t help smile at the thought and wondered for the millionth time how on earth she had once thought she hadn’t wanted this, hadn’t needed it, all of it and more, forever.

After revelling for a little while in thoughts of Sofia and the possibility of more Sofia’s eventually her thoughts returned to Mark, and her; to her and Mark and their relationship.  
If she thought about it, and now she was, he had been one of her earliest friends at Seattle Grace. She hadn’t ever called him such. She had called him Callie’s annoying neighbour and friend; the arrogant but incredibly talented plastics guy, the hospitals resident manwhore - well everyone called him that in fairness - but never her friend. 

She had been at Seattle Grace only a little while before the phenomenon that was Callie Torres had hit her like a ten ton truck. Long enough to become Head of Peds, long enough to earn her reputation as a hardworking, extraordinarily talented surgeon and a loyal compassionate but tough boss and mentor. Not really long enough to make friends, other than of the most superficial kind. She was single-minded when she needed to be, career-oriented and for her Seattle was just a stop along the road to her ultimate destination. It was where she would prove her ability to be the Boss not just the talented deputy, where she would take a decent enough Department and turn it into a well oiled machine, turn it from a mid-ranking Peds unit to one of the best in the country. Seattle was to be a brief, hopefully enjoyable and fulfilling, sojourn, nothing more. 

She’d make friends, in that “work friends” kind of way; have some enjoyable flings with some pretty girls, nothing too heavy and leave when the time was right for her, either if, as unlikely as it was, the Carter Madison people came calling or, more likely when the call came from her old mentor, Dr. Norman McHale at Hopkins’ – the call that would tell her that his position would soon be hers. Head of the Best (in her view) Peds Department in the USA.

Arizona Robbins was a veteran of being the new girl, of making friends and finding lovely girlfriends and of never over-committing so that when the inevitable move happened she would move on, with a few tears and promises to stay in touch but unscathed by messy attachments.

 

Then Callie happened and she hadn’t really needed to make friends. She took on Callie’s as her own. It was how she found herself in a weird like/hate friendship with Yang, a person who in any other universe she would have avoided like the Plague and then there was Sloan.

Now as she looked back she realised that after Callie, Sloan was the one she’d lunch with, sit beside at Heads of Department meetings, even on rare occasions sit in a booth with at Joe’s while they waited for their partners to arrive. She’d be the first one, well after Callie, to kick him in the shins after a particularly chauvinistic remark at lunch, and he’d be the one she’d walk home with after a long shift, well to Callie’s if Callie was working late. That was the thing about Mark, for all his man-whorish ways, for all his politically incorrect banter, deep down he was quite chivalrous even if he did his best to hide it.

That was the thing about Mark, he really liked women. 

Ok fine that might be the most obvious thing about him, the manwhore who’d slept with most of the available women in the hospital and more than his share of the unavailable ones too. But that was about attraction, need but Mark genuinely liked women and not just for their bodies! Maybe that explained why, for such an unashamed manwhore, he had never had so much as a whisper of an allegation of sexual harassment against him. He liked women and women liked him- for reasons that had been beyond her until now. The truth was, as unbelievable as it might seem, Mark Sloan respected women. Of all the male attending he respected his female colleagues the most and treated them based on ability not gender. Sadly it was not something she could always say of some of her colleagues. Yes Mark respected and loved women (if not necessarily in that order).

Her relationship with Mark had of course been marred by his relationship with Callie. Her Callie. She got it-now- but couldn’t in truth berate herself for not getting it sooner - not in the circumstances.

Arizona Robbins was not a woman who worried about rivals- either in love or professionally. Professionally she was the best that had been seen in long and many a year- she knew that and those who mattered also knew that. With women, her lovers, well she knew her worth, knew that there had never been a rival in love she couldn’t better, if she wanted to, until Calliope.

Calliope Iphigenia Torres changed everything.

For the first time in as long as she could remember she was unsure, uncertain of her own invincibility. Because for the first time, maybe in forever, it mattered. Long before she’d uttered those three words she had fallen hook, line and sinker for Calliope Torres. The thought of losing her- to man or woman- was unfathomable. She persuaded herself she could defeat any other woman if it came to that but any other man? So her self- doubt grew and manifested itself in the shape of one Mark Sloan.

It was hardly her fault either. Mark was there always. He was there- the former sex buddy turned best friend. The one who got her before she had. The one who made her laugh, the one who had never let her down. So instead of considering him a friend she treated him with caution. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer

She hid it well and bit down the unusual, to her, fears and insecurities, even as he was invited to share their bed, even as her everything offered to raise a child with him. And when her future crashed down around her, when the one thing she could not offer, a child, was demanded, she waited to see him take her place.

When it didn’t happen and by some miracle her life, her everything was restored to her Mark suddenly became less of a worry, in fact ceased to be a worry at all. No by then, she had entered her own period of doubt, of fear, of adjustment. By then she knew Callie was her one; that one day she would want to be her wife, that one day she could see herself, just maybe, being a mother just not right then. It was one hell of an adjustment- for her- and she was exercising her need for time. A need that manifested itself as a pretty pink bubble of avoidance.

By the time her avoidance, aided and abetted by their mutual stubbornness and failure to talk had led to the catastrophe that was Malawi Mark Sloan was no longer the enemy. She had been defeated, had lost her everything and to the enemy within. Her fears, her misplaced sense of duty, her inability to adapt. 

In the hot airless confines of her apartment in Malawi thoughts of Mark Sloan never penetrated her mind. To survive she compartmentalised and the compartment that was her former life and love in Seattle was locked tight. It was not to be opened or the pain would have been unbearable. It was not to be opened until such time as its contents had been forgotten. So it was destined to never again see the light of day.

She should have known however that a free spirit such as Calliope Torres could not ever be so confined. A few kindly spoken words by a colleague and near stranger was all it took to shatter the tightly sealed compartment in her mind freeing every memory every emotion and making her return not just inevitable but essential. The time it had taken to arrange her return had been mere weeks but felt like a life sentence. Of course it had occurred to her that the woman who was now as oxygen to her might have moved on but strangely Mark had not been her concern. She had believed that he would never be more than a friend to Callie again, had truly believed it. 

That belief had just made her feel doubly pathetic when she returned and had a grenade lobbed in her face. Talk about not seeing the woods for the trees. Even knowing Callie had moved into Sloan’s apartment had not made her see the inevitable awful truth. After Karev Mark was one of the few who had seemed happy to see her return- she’d even thought Mark was doing his best to see them reunite-then Wham!

 

Of course now she saw it differently – anything leading to the wonder that was her daughter could be tolerated now but back then – when Sofia was just the most unwanted reminder of her biggest mistake and of the greatest betrayal – back when she had not heard a heartbeat – back then the news that her Calliope had, had....well even now that part was hard to contemplate – it shattered her. 

Then it was the ultimate slap in the face from a man who had professed to be her friend and the woman she had thought of as her destiny. Marks betrayal had stung but clearly it was nothing in comparison to the hurt she felt over Callie. 

Of course she got that Mark, being Mark, saw sex somewhat differently to most grown adults. To him sex could just be sex and sometimes it was also his emotionally stunted way of offering comfort. Sofia may not have been conceived in love but she had been conceived in friendship. Arizona supposed a lot of children born in this world would take that as their entry point. Still it had hurt beyond imagining at the time.

A hurt that continued to grow and fester during Callie's tragically truncated pregnancy.

Had she been told then that her relationship with Mark would one day heal she would have laughed. In the dark days of rivalry for Callie’s attention, in those awful months where she laid herself on the line time and time again, exposing herself completely, surviving on scraps of love and attention, praying that she would not be discarded as yesterdays news once the baby arrived Mark Sloan was nothing more than the enemy.

She would not re-live those awful months for anything. She had no longer recognised herself as the once perky arrogant type A person she had been. She had transformed into a creature willing to survive on morsels of affection, instead of striving to have it all she was prepared to take whatever fraction of herself Callie had been prepared to give her. Her pride gave way to a type of shamelessness, a beggar willing to survive in the crumbs that fell from the table while Mark Sloan sat at the table sharing the banquet with her Calliope. She had reached her own personal nadir, or so she thought, as she heard herself propose to Callie just so she could have “a ring, and commitment and things”. 

 

She knew now that Mark too had struggled during those months too, fearing the loss of yet another child of his. Not that she would ever believe his struggles matched her own but at least now she recognised that those months were not all wine and roses for him either. Back then it had seemed to her that he had gotten everything he could possibly need and at her expense.

 

Sofia made everything worthwhile of course. And more and more every day. Arizona could not imagine a life without those big brown eyes set in that cherubic face. As much as she had convinced herself that she would love “Callie’s’ baby”; as often as she repeated the mantra to Callie and herself and her worried parents and to Teddy she really had no comprehension of how much she would love her own little girl. It was such an inadequate word really – love – when it came to what she felt for Sofia. It transcended love; it made her almost believe in a higher being absolutely for what she felt for Sofia surpassed the mere boundaries of human emotion. If Calliope was her everything- and she was – then Sofia was her infinity.

 

She sighed at the unwanted memory of the day before her birth – the day she thought she had lost everything. A day etched in her mind surpassed only by the following one. In truth little more than 24 hours. And as always the words he had hurled at her were remembered, would never be forgotten even if understanding and time had brought forgiveness.

Sure she had stood her ground and uttered harsh words too that day – a day when united by fear they chose to be separated by hate. But those three words “You are nothing” surpassed all. Even now when she knew that he felt the exact opposite, knowing that he had been nothing but supportive, knowing how close they had become, even now those words could undo her.

 

Instinctively she pulled Callie’s arms around her- those arms that made her safe, that never failed to keep away the nightmares.

 

Other than a feeble acknowledgement that she was a Mother and not nothing - uttered as they watched Callie from afar wondering if she would ever know her own child – they had never spoken of that argument, the hate filled tirade of hurt and abuse again. Words were not necessary, not always and action spoke louder anyway.

A shared bond of acknowledged parenthood was the foundation of a tentative friendship. And when the oxygen of fear and insecurity was removed the friendship flourished. Sure they shared the superficial interest of a love of cooking and a fondness for a delicately shaped ankle and, disturbing as it was for her to admit, they were both admirers, indeed connoisseurs of the female bosom. Growing up on military bases and with a Marine father and brother Arizona Robbins was no delicate flower but possessed an earthy sense of humour which she shared with Mark. 

Callie had even admitted her jealousy of her growing friendship with Mark on occasion.

“But he’s my friend, not yours – why can’t you do a Transformers marathon with Teddy?”

“Uhm because Teddy doesn’t like Megan Fox and Mark does?”

 

It was healthier now – Mark was no longer Callie’s best friend and her begrudged lunch companion. No, now she was Callie’s best friend and Callie hers but Mark was their very close and true friend.

Sure sometimes she would have moments of panic, when jealousy and fear would rear their ugly heads but she knew Mark and Callie would never do that, not to her or to Sofia. 

Sure she had had the conversation with Mark - the “ if you ever so much as think about having sex with my wife again then thinking about sex will all you’ll ever be able to do again” but it wasn’t necessary, not really.

 

Somehow Mark had become one of the reliables in her life and she in his. She had cried in his arms on her wedding day and had felt not only safe but loved in doing so. She had been a sympathetic ear over what seemed as the inevitable and final loss of Lexie. 

 

For all her protestations of being an awesome friend and ‘a good man in a storm’ it seemed that Mark Sloan knew a little about friendship and safe havens too. 

 

And he was a great father and Sofia would be a better person for having him in her life – even if Arizona was determined that she and Mark would co-parent once only. She would be quite happy to have him as cool Uncle Mark to the rest of their “ten kids”. And she wanted to see him happy – settled – and not purely for selfish reasons.

And he was funny, in a goofy dorky way and he made her laugh. Like today and his stupid game of “rock, paper scissors” – oh Mark she thought – that was one game he would never win with her. A lifetime of beating Timothy Robbins had made her the queen of “Rock,Paper,Scissors”.

 

In a strange way Mark reminded her of Timothy – funny, a lover of women, yet honourable. Timothy could never be replaced but Mark had become a surrogate brother and she loved him for that.

As she snuggled into her wife’s arms she realised that somewhere along the line she and Mark had become true and fast friends. 

 

A friendship that against all the odds had blossomed

 

 

Title: Blossomed 1/1  
Author: Neolithicdream   
Characters: Arizona, Mark  
Rating: PG-13  
Summary: Arizona ponders her newfound realisation.   
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual.   
A/N: I appreciate not all might like the sentiments behind this but while I adore Arizona Robbins and love, love, love Calzona I’m still a fan of one Dr. Mark Sloan so here goes.   
To say it was unexpected would be an understatement, the understatement of the year. And yet as she let the thought roll round her brain she knew that unexpected or not it was true. And she couldn’t but smile at the thought in all its unexpected and truth filled glory.  
Sure it wasn’t something she had planned; it wasn’t something she’d even ever countenanced planning and yet there it was and she couldn’t help smile again and be happy for it. For it was a good thing, for all of them, really it was, yet that wasn’t really the point, was it? If it was then she’d have set her cap at it, planned meticulously to achieve it and doubtlessly she’d have succeeded, because she was Arizona Robbins and she did not do failure. But this- this happened organically, grew of its own volition, unloved and for a time most definitely unwanted; it grew when she, and everyone else was looking in the opposite direction - like a beautiful rare flower in an untended and weed filled garden.  
Growing unnoticed until one day it was simply there in all its blossomed glory just waiting to be noticed. And tonight she finally noticed it and wondered how she had missed it before.

It was a bit incongruous that her true feelings for Mark should somehow become clear to her tonight of all nights. And she knew it was a bit, well weird for want of a better word, that she was thinking of Mark and analysing her feelings towards him and indeed, his for her, as she lay wrapped in her Calliope’s arms, safe and secure and loved by her wife. Weird and maybe even wrong that after the most romantic night of “non-camping” she’d ever had; after the most wonderful Valentine’s night, after the most perfect night of gentle lovemaking and orgasmic, out- of- this- cosmos, sex with her soul-mate and companion for life, her head was filled with thoughts of Mark “McSteamy” Sloan.   
“Eeewww” she suddenly thought “...not in a sexual way...God, god, NOooo” her entire body shivered involuntarily at the thought, causing the warm body next to her to stir briefly.  
“Babe, you...okay?” Callie’s sleepy and croaky voice whispered in her ear even as those strong arms enveloped her even more tightly than before causing another shiver to run through her body, this time for polar-opposite reasons.  
“I’m fine, babe, go back to sleep” she whispered in reply, and waited with a knowing smile, for the gentle snores that were such a soundtrack to her life now to be heard once again. It never failed to amaze her, her wife’s ability to fall back into a sound sleep so quickly, no matter what. Sadly, it was not a trait their daughter had inherited, at least not thus far. She supposed that genetic trait would probably manifest itself when Sofia was a grumbling morose teenager making their lives a version of hell on earth. She couldn’t help smile at the thought and wondered for the millionth time how on earth she had once thought she hadn’t wanted this, hadn’t needed it, all of it and more, forever.  
After revelling for a little while in thoughts of Sofia and the possibility of more Sofia’s eventually her thoughts returned to Mark, and her; to her and Mark and their relationship.  
If she thought about it, and now she was, he had been one of her earliest friends at Seattle Grace. She hadn’t ever called him such. She had called him Callie’s annoying neighbour and friend; the arrogant but incredibly talented plastics guy, the hospitals resident manwhore - well everyone called him that in fairness - but never her friend.   
She had been at Seattle Grace only a little while before the phenomenon that was Callie Torres had hit her like a ten ton truck. Long enough to become Head of Peds, long enough to earn her reputation as a hardworking, extraordinarily talented surgeon and a loyal compassionate but tough boss and mentor. Not really long enough to make friends, other than of the most superficial kind. She was single-minded when she needed to be, career-oriented and for her Seattle was just a stop along the road to her ultimate destination. It was where she would prove her ability to be the Boss not just the talented deputy, where she would take a decent enough Department and turn it into a well oiled machine, turn it from a mid-ranking Peds unit to one of the best in the country. Seattle was to be a brief, hopefully enjoyable and fulfilling, sojourn, nothing more.   
She’d make friends, in that “work friends” kind of way; have some enjoyable flings with some pretty girls, nothing too heavy and leave when the time was right for her, either if, as unlikely as it was, the Carter Madison people came calling or, more likely when the call came from her old mentor, Dr. Norman McHale at Hopkins’ – the call that would tell her that his position would soon be hers. Head of the Best (in her view) Peds Department in the USA.  
Arizona Robbins was a veteran of being the new girl, of making friends and finding lovely girlfriends and of never over-committing so that when the inevitable move happened she would move on, with a few tears and promises to stay in touch but unscathed by messy attachments.  
Then Callie happened and she hadn’t really needed to make friends. She took on Callie’s as her own. It was how she found herself in a weird like/hate friendship with Yang, a person who in any other universe she would have avoided like the Plague and then there was Sloan.  
Now as she looked back she realised that after Callie, Sloan was the one she’d lunch with, sit beside at Heads of Department meetings, even on rare occasions sit in a booth with at Joe’s while they waited for their partners to arrive. She’d be the first one, well after Callie, to kick him in the shins after a particularly chauvinistic remark at lunch, and he’d be the one she’d walk home with after a long shift, well to Callie’s if Callie was working late. That was the thing about Mark, for all his man-whorish ways, for all his politically incorrect banter, deep down he was quite chivalrous even if he did his best to hide it.  
That was the thing about Mark, he really liked women.   
Ok fine that might be the most obvious thing about him, the manwhore who’d slept with most of the available women in the hospital and more than his share of the unavailable ones too. But that was about attraction, need but Mark genuinely liked women and not just for their bodies! Maybe that explained why, for such an unashamed manwhore, he had never had so much as a whisper of an allegation of sexual harassment against him. He liked women and women liked him- for reasons that had been beyond her until now. The truth was, as unbelievable as it might seem, Mark Sloan respected women. Of all the male attending he respected his female colleagues the most and treated them based on ability not gender. Sadly it was not something she could always say of some of her colleagues. Yes Mark respected and loved women (if not necessarily in that order).

Her relationship with Mark had of course been marred by his relationship with Callie. Her Callie. She got it-now- but couldn’t in truth berate herself for not getting it sooner - not in the circumstances.

Arizona Robbins was not a woman who worried about rivals- either in love or professionally. Professionally she was the best that had been seen in long and many a year- she knew that and those who mattered also knew that. With women, her lovers, well she knew her worth, knew that there had never been a rival in love she couldn’t better, if she wanted to, until Calliope.  
Calliope Iphigenia Torres changed everything.  
For the first time in as long as she could remember she was unsure, uncertain of her own invincibility. Because for the first time, maybe in forever, it mattered. Long before she’d uttered those three words she had fallen hook, line and sinker for Calliope Torres. The thought of losing her- to man or woman- was unfathomable. She persuaded herself she could defeat any other woman if it came to that but any other man? So her self- doubt grew and manifested itself in the shape of one Mark Sloan.  
It was hardly her fault either. Mark was there always. He was there- the former sex buddy turned best friend. The one who got her before she had. The one who made her laugh, the one who had never let her down. So instead of considering him a friend she treated him with caution. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer  
She hid it well and bit down the unusual, to her, fears and insecurities, even as he was invited to share their bed, even as her everything offered to raise a child with him. And when her future crashed down around her, when the one thing she could not offer, a child, was demanded, she waited to see him take her place.  
When it didn’t happen and by some miracle her life, her everything was restored to her Mark suddenly became less of a worry, in fact ceased to be a worry at all. No by then, she had entered her own period of doubt, of fear, of adjustment. By then she knew Callie was her one; that one day she would want to be her wife, that one day she could see herself, just maybe, being a mother just not right then. It was one hell of an adjustment- for her- and she was exercising her need for time. A need that manifested itself as a pretty pink bubble of avoidance.

By the time her avoidance, aided and abetted by their mutual stubbornness and failure to talk had led to the catastrophe that was Malawi Mark Sloan was no longer the enemy. She had been defeated, had lost her everything and to the enemy within. Her fears, her misplaced sense of duty, her inability to adapt.   
In the hot airless confines of her apartment in Malawi thoughts of Mark Sloan never penetrated her mind. To survive she compartmentalised and the compartment that was her former life and love in Seattle was locked tight. It was not to be opened or the pain would have been unbearable. It was not to be opened until such time as its contents had been forgotten. So it was destined to never again see the light of day.  
She should have known however that a free spirit such as Calliope Torres could not ever be so confined. A few kindly spoken words by a colleague and near stranger was all it took to shatter the tightly sealed compartment in her mind freeing every memory every emotion and making her return not just inevitable but essential. The time it had taken to arrange her return had been mere weeks but felt like a life sentence. Of course it had occurred to her that the woman who was now as oxygen to her might have moved on but strangely Mark had not been her concern. She had believed that he would never be more than a friend to Callie again, had truly believed it. 

That belief had just made her feel doubly pathetic when she returned and had a grenade lobbed in her face. Talk about not seeing the woods for the trees. Even knowing Callie had moved into Sloan’s apartment had not made her see the inevitable awful truth. After Karev Mark was one of the few who had seemed happy to see her return- she’d even thought Mark was doing his best to see them reunite-then Wham!

Of course now she saw it differently – anything leading to the wonder that was her daughter could be tolerated now but back then – when Sofia was just the most unwanted reminder of her biggest mistake and of the greatest betrayal – back when she had not heard a heartbeat – back then the news that her Calliope had, had....well even now that part was hard to contemplate – it shattered her.   
Then it was the ultimate slap in the face from a man who had professed to be her friend and the woman she had thought of as her destiny. Marks betrayal had stung but clearly it was nothing in comparison to the hurt she felt over Callie.   
Of course she got that Mark, being Mark, saw sex somewhat differently to most grown adults. To him sex could just be sex and sometimes it was also his emotionally stunted way of offering comfort. Sofia may not have been conceived in love but she had been conceived in friendship. Arizona supposed a lot of children born in this world would take that as their entry point. Still it had hurt beyond imagining at the time.  
A hurt that continued to grow and fester during Callie's tragically truncated pregnancy.  
Had she been told then that her relationship with Mark would one day heal she would have laughed. In the dark days of rivalry for Callie’s attention, in those awful months where she laid herself on the line time and time again, exposing herself completely, surviving on scraps of love and attention, praying that she would not be discarded as yesterdays news once the baby arrived Mark Sloan was nothing more than the enemy.  
She would not re-live those awful months for anything. She had no longer recognised herself as the once perky arrogant type A person she had been. She had transformed into a creature willing to survive on morsels of affection, instead of striving to have it all she was prepared to take whatever fraction of herself Callie had been prepared to give her. Her pride gave way to a type of shamelessness, a beggar willing to survive in the crumbs that fell from the table while Mark Sloan sat at the table sharing the banquet with her Calliope. She had reached her own personal nadir, or so she thought, as she heard herself propose to Callie just so she could have “a ring, and commitment and things”. 

She knew now that Mark too had struggled during those months too, fearing the loss of yet another child of his. Not that she would ever believe his struggles matched her own but at least now she recognised that those months were not all wine and roses for him either. Back then it had seemed to her that he had gotten everything he could possibly need and at her expense.

Sofia made everything worthwhile of course. And more and more every day. Arizona could not imagine a life without those big brown eyes set in that cherubic face. As much as she had convinced herself that she would love “Callie’s’ baby”; as often as she repeated the mantra to Callie and herself and her worried parents and to Teddy she really had no comprehension of how much she would love her own little girl. It was such an inadequate word really – love – when it came to what she felt for Sofia. It transcended love; it made her almost believe in a higher being absolutely for what she felt for Sofia surpassed the mere boundaries of human emotion. If Calliope was her everything- and she was – then Sofia was her infinity.

 

She sighed at the unwanted memory of the day before her birth – the day she thought she had lost everything. A day etched in her mind surpassed only by the following one. In truth little more than 24 hours. And as always the words he had hurled at her were remembered, would never be forgotten even if understanding and time had brought forgiveness.  
Sure she had stood her ground and uttered harsh words too that day – a day when united by fear they chose to be separated by hate. But those three words “You are nothing” surpassed all. Even now when she knew that he felt the exact opposite, knowing that he had been nothing but supportive, knowing how close they had become, even now those words could undo her.

Instinctively she pulled Callie’s arms around her- those arms that made her safe, that never failed to keep away the nightmares.

Other than a feeble acknowledgement that she was a Mother and not nothing - uttered as they watched Callie from afar wondering if she would ever know her own child – they had never spoken of that argument, the hate filled tirade of hurt and abuse again. Words were not necessary, not always and action spoke louder anyway.  
A shared bond of acknowledged parenthood was the foundation of a tentative friendship. And when the oxygen of fear and insecurity was removed the friendship flourished. Sure they shared the superficial interest of a love of cooking and a fondness for a delicately shaped ankle and, disturbing as it was for her to admit, they were both admirers, indeed connoisseurs of the female bosom. Growing up on military bases and with a Marine father and brother Arizona Robbins was no delicate flower but possessed an earthy sense of humour which she shared with Mark. 

Callie had even admitted her jealousy of her growing friendship with Mark on occasion.  
“But he’s my friend, not yours – why can’t you do a Transformers marathon with Teddy?”  
“Uhm because Teddy doesn’t like Megan Fox and Mark does?”  
It was healthier now – Mark was no longer Callie’s best friend and her begrudged lunch companion. No, now she was Callie’s best friend and Callie hers but Mark was their very close and true friend.  
Sure sometimes she would have moments of panic, when jealousy and fear would rear their ugly heads but she knew Mark and Callie would never do that, not to her or to Sofia. Sure she had had the conversation with Mark - the “ if you ever so much as think about having sex with my wife again then thinking about sex will all you’ll ever be able to do again” but it wasn’t necessary, not really.

Somehow Mark had become one of the reliables in her life and she in his. She had cried in his arms on her wedding day and had felt not only safe but loved in doing so. She had been a sympathetic ear over what seemed as the inevitable and final loss of Lexie.   
For all her protestations of being an awesome friend and ‘a good man in a storm’ it seemed that Mark Sloan knew a little about friendship and safe havens too.   
And he was a great father and Sofia would be a better person for having him in her life – even if Arizona was determined that she and Mark would co-parent once only. She would be quite happy to have him as cool Uncle Mark to the rest of their “ten kids”. And she wanted to see him happy – settled – and not purely for selfish reasons.

And he was funny, in a goofy dorky way and he made her laugh. Like today and his stupid game of “rock, paper scissors” – oh Mark she thought – that was one game he would never win with her. A lifetime of beating Timothy Robbins had made her the queen of “Rock,Paper,Scissors”.  
In a strange way Mark reminded her of Timothy – funny, a lover of women, yet honourable. Timothy could never be replaced but Mark had become a surrogate brother and she loved him for that.  
As she snuggled into her wife’s arms she realised that somewhere along the line she and Mark had become true and fast friends.   
A friendship that against all the odds had blossomed


	17. live for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s been nearly three years since Arizona left her but Callie hasn’t moved on.  
> Angst with angst and a little angst added in for good measure. :-(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is one of those I still like, but I still find it very sad so be WARNED: Major Character Death

“God she’s getting so big ...” the Blonde surgeon smiled at her companion as they strolled leisurely on the paths in their favourite park “...and she’s going to be a real heart-breaker when she’s older.”

It had become a habit for the two women, on those rare occasions when they both had the weekend off, to take a walk together in the tiny park with spectacular views of the City. Usually their third companion monopolised the conversation possessing as she did an incredible ability to talk non-stop for what seemed like hours without even taking breath. A trait Callie swore she had inherited from her Mommy. Those who knew Arizona and now Sofia tended to agree regardless of the reality of the situation. Today, however, was different – Sofia’s attention today was entirely on her new best friend, Maggie. Maggie’s parents had just moved to Seattle (a Doctor and Nurse at SGMW) and so Maggie had just started school, months into term and had been a little lost. Sofia, a child who liked to fix things, had taken her under her wing and now they, after two whole weeks of knowing each other, were BFFs.

Callie laughed, a sound the Blonde seldom heard these days unless the topic was the subject of their current discussion - five (nearly six) year old Sofia Torres

“Please, I’m hoping not to have to deal with boys for a very, very, very long time!”

“Well maybe you’ll be dealing with Girls not Boys...” the Blonde said with a smirk “...and...”

“Oh, please, stop I don’t want to have to think of dating at all for many years yet” Callie laughed even if partially horrified at the prospect of ever having to deal with Sofia and boys or girls.

“Are we still talking about Sofia or are we talking about her Mama now?” it was a pointed question – one she knew would not be well received.

“Don’t, just don’t” the carefree tone in her voice now replaced by ice.

“Callie...it’s been too...”

“No, just no. No.”

 

They carried on walking, in a somewhat frosty silence now, following the familiar path and the two giggling girls some distance ahead of them until Sofia twirled around then rolled back towards them “ Mama, Auntie Teddy, Can me and Maggie go to the playground? “

“Maggie and I” Callie corrected even as she nodded her assent “...but slow down on those shoes of yours, So!”but Sofia had already masterfully turned and glided away.

“I thought, and I’m quoting exactly here “My daughter is never going to wear those death-trap shoes” Teddy asked with a smile as they sat on the bench nearest the swings.

“Cristina brought them on her last visit. I didn’t know whether to kill her or kiss her...” Callie’s voice had changed again - now the too familiar tremble audible “Sofe’s been asking for them ever since the last trip to her Grandparents when she came across an old pair of Ar...” She stopped unable to complete the name.

“She seems really good on them, her Mommy would be proud.” Teddy said softly.

Callie let out a small laugh “Cristina laced them up and within half an hour Sofe was rolling like a pro...now Cristina’s calling her Rollerkid.”

 

Teddy shook her head remembering her old student and a conversation had a long time ago with her old friend.

_“I mean Yang, Teddy...Yang! Of all the people in all the world Callie had to ask Cristina....what the...”_

_“Well she might surprise you she might be...”_

_“Might be what Teddy? A good Godmother for the ba...for our baby? Yang hates kids, she despises the tiny humans and now she gets to be Godmother to my tiny human, really?”_

_“Well she dislikes Sloan almost as much as you do, Arizona and besides Yang is a perfectionist so she’ll probably rock as a Godmother?”_

 

“She’s a good Godmother; I’ll say that much for her.”

Callie laughed  “She is, she hides it well but in her own way Cristina has a huge heart...” she paused remembering the past “...I just asked her you know, without even discussing it with Mark, or Arizona...it was like I was rebelling, picking someone neither of them would agree to...I was just so tired of the fighting and the constant negotiation over every little decision...”

“Exercising your vagina vote, huh?”

“You knew about that?” Callie asked reddening slightly at the remembrance “Not my best ever moment.”

Teddy just nodded then after some thought decided to speak on the one topic that could result in her friend laughing out loud or crying uncontrollably or ranting at the heavens even now after so much time. “Arizona and I talked a lot back then or rather she talked and I tried to get a word in every now and then.”

“Yeah...” Callie smiled softly “...when she got started it would take a juggernaut to stop her.” She paused, staring at the swings where Sofia and Maggie were engaged in a ‘who can go highest’ match “Girls be careful – not too high.”

“I thought during my pregnancy that if we got through it we’d survive anything...it was so hard...and some days I was so convinced she’d leave...and I wouldn’t have blamed her, I mean I never expected her to stay when....when I told her about Sofia...I mean the baby...and Mark...I just expected her to go...and when she didn’t...then it made it even scarier because I thought I’d lost her and when she said she was all in it meant I had something to lose again...” Callie sighed at the memories “...I thought after all that we went through back then that nothing would ever tear us apart again...guess I was wrong.”

“Callie, she didn’t want to...” Teddy’s voice faltered now. Arizona had been a huge presence in her life too leaving a gaping hole behind when she left.

“We had this whole big conversation, well mostly a lot of little ones, after the accident – we talked about the past and all our mistakes but mostly about the future and I promised that I would never make a major decision about Sofia again without her...” Callie shook her head tears threatening to escape “...and now I have to make them all without her”

 

 

“Do you still talk to her?” Teddy asked gently. Callie looked straight ahead – she knew Teddy would not judge her – she knew Teddy understood and yet she also knew Teddy thought it was time to move on - so she looked dead ahead even as she nodded “...every day.”

Teddy simply reached out and squeezed her hand and said nothing as tears ran down the Latinas face.

“You?” The question was understood instantly as now it was Teddy staring straight ahead “I can’t imagine a time when I won’t talk to him.” And Callie squeezed her hand in a gesture of solidarity and comfort. The two girls had moved to the jungle gym and the adults were watching from a short distance away.

 

“I need to get laid!” Teddy said abruptly. Callie waited till her eyebrows had returned to their default position before responding “Uhm...sorry but I can’t help you out on that one, old friend.”

“Actually, yes you can, Callie...” Teddy said trying not to chuckle at the aghast look on the woman who had become her best friend “...it’s Saturday night and Sofia’s with her Dad tonight right and...”

“No.”

“Callie, there’s this guy and I....”

“No, Teddy, I have zero interest in being a gooseberry for you and your latest....whoa what ever happened to the I.T guy you were banging a while back...”

“Ughh don’t remind me- Nigel! Never date someone called Nigel, Cal never!”

“Well I wasn’t planning to date a guy called...”

“Or a Nigella, Callie...don’t! Stick with the non Nigel types...” Teddy paused remembering the mission she had set for herself today “...Nigel was just for sex...but I met this guy, Matthew and he seems nice and...I need a wingman, Callie...”

 

Callie hadn’t seen that look on her friend’s face in...well...in forever. It was almost six years since Henry had been ripped from her in the cruellest way. She and Arizona and their friends had watched as Teddy struggled to cope with anger, shock and above all grief. Watched from the sidelines not knowing what to say or do other than utter the usual banal words _“So sorry....sorry for your loss...if there’s anything we can do....”_ She and Arizona tried their best to be the support system their friend needed – at times feeling guilty for their own blissful existence as they talked about Teddy and her loss while wrapped up in each other’s arms. Had she known then that in the not too distant future she herself would cease to be a spectator and be the recipient of the same inane sympathies – well it was probably as well she had not known.

Teddy had tried dating, then gave up, then tried again but Callie knew that her friend had never even come close to finding another Henry not once but now the expression on her face...hope, excitement, anticipation?

 

“What exactly does being a wingman entail these days?” the last thing she wanted to do was go out on a Saturday night to a bar; those days were over for her. She had met her soul mate, loved her, married her then lost her. Her dating days were over – if she couldn’t be with Arizona then she wouldn’t be with anyone and she couldn’t be with Arizona. Arizona was gone. But she could be a friend. Teddy had driven her and the girl’s home – Maggie’s parents were to collect her later – and they’d made plans to meet at the swanky bar that Callie only knew by reputation.

“He may have his friend with him...a nice guy called...” Teddy had begun tentatively.

“No.”

“But Callie...”

“Teddy, I’ll turn up, I’ll play nice but no match-making, ok. I’m not interested.”

“Callie, you have to get out there and start...”

“I don’t want to start anything, Jesus Teddy...I have Arizona here....” she gestured at her heart “... and she’s all I need, all I want.”

 

It was an old refrain, an old argument and they were old enough friends by now for Teddy to press the issue

“She’s gone Callie, she’s not here and she’s not coming back.”

 

Callie stood up in silence, taking their empty coffee mugs to the kitchen area of her apartment. Teddy watched her go, mentally noting how little the apartment had changed in the three years since Arizona had last stood in it. She remembered as if it were yesterday; Arizona had come home from the Hospital for Sofia’s party determined not to miss it. They’d had the party at McDonalds (Sofia’s choice) and it had been hard to tell, at the end of the day, who was most exhausted - 3 year old Sofia hyped up all day and now hitting a sugar slump or Arizona hyped up on adrenalin for her first visit home in weeks. She had to be re-admitted two days later and never made it home again. She remembered her old friend taking in her surrounds, as if absorbing them, committing them to memory – Arizona had known her time was almost up. She wondered what her friend, her bubbly perky awesome friend would think now – of the permanent sadness resident in ‘her Calliope’s‘ eyes, the crows feet round those eyes now etched by sorrow not smiles, the semi-museum that this place had become - a place once dedicated to laughter and joy now a repository of sadness.

 

“She would be so mad at you, Calliope Torres, so goddamn angry!” Teddy burst out.

Callie didn’t know what surprised her the most – Teddy’s angry tone or her use of Calliope – she had banned even Carlos from calling her that after Arizona died – no one had the right to say her name when Arizona could no longer say it. Before she could say anything Teddy started again

“She would want you to be out there, meeting people and...God when was the last time you even had sex? I mean has there even been anyone else apart from Karev?”

“Alex?” Callie spluttered in disbelief “I’ve never slept with...well I mean that one time but that was nine/ten years....what?”

“Didn’t you sleep with him, after that time in Joes about six months after...?”

 

The look of horror mixed with fury on Callie’s face changed to shame in seconds as she recalled the night. It was still so raw – looking back she reckoned she had still been in the shock and denial stages. It had been seven months, almost to the day, since her wife’s death and it wasn’t as if they hadn’t known it was coming; ever since the diagnosis there had been an inevitability about it. Six to Nine months was the Oncologists verdict. The one in New York agreed, the one in Los Angeles said maybe a year. The one her Dad flew in from Havana said maybe 18 months but they didn’t know Arizona not like she did. She had endured for over 2 years and they lived every day of those 2 years in love. That night in Joe’s celebrating God knows what – she had gotten drunk - and propositioned Nancy in Pathology and Angie in Dermatology and Michael in Ortho. Alex Karev had taken her home; they opened and finished pretty much every drop of alcohol in the Apartment before she begged him to fuck her, to make her feel something. Alex was a full on whore back then and he too was in full on mourning himself at the time. He had adored Arizona and probably missed her the most of all her colleagues. He had declined even as they fell into bed fully clothed; her crying for Arizona, him muttering barely coherently about being showered with ghostly bricks. After Teddy he was probably her best friend now; she still got to visit the Peds Department and in the way he treated his patients and advocated for them Arizona’s spirit lived on.

“I didn’t sleep with Alex, not then, not since, not anyone. She was my last, she’ll be my last.”

 

Teddy stared at her long and hard. “This is not what she would want. I know what it’s like to have the love of your life up and die on you but we do them a disservice if we don’t live our lives ....”

“No you don’t know what she would want, Teddy, I can’t sleep with some random woman not after Arizona and she’d hate it if I just slept with some guy cause...”

“I do know, Callie, I was there, remember?”

Teddy’s voice was firm determined as she was to get Callie to see. “She didn’t know what she was saying...she’d been in and out of consciousness for 2 days and...”

“She knew _exactly_ what she was saying, _I_ know it and _you_ know it.”

 

She didn’t want to yell at her best friend but sometimes maybe that’s what friends are for. They were both transported back to that day, the day before she left them for good. Her devastated parents were in the Cafeteria trying to keep it together, a confused Sofia with her Dad asking questions about why Mommy was sleepy all the time and why was Daddy crying and Callie spending every possible moment with her wife, her heart breaking as she prayed for time to stop marching on. Teddy had just been keeping Callie company in her bedside vigil when Arizona came to, lucid this time, perfectly so. She had gotten up and made it as far as the door when Arizona signed silently to her to stay even though Callie thought she had gone. Teddy had wondered then but knew now that Arizona was making sure she was there to bear witness; maybe she had known that one day Callie would have to be reminded of her words.

_“I love you Calliope...” Arizona had begun softly “...love and adore and worship you.”_

_“Me too honey, me too” Callie had whispered back._

_Teddy had felt like an intruder and went to leave but Arizona’s eyes issued a command to stay so she did, in silence, at the door._

_“I think I only truly began to live when I met you until then I was...” she shook her head “...just existing...”_

_She paused for breath, her mouth bone dry, lips cracked, skin grey face harrowed but to Callie she remained a beautiful Goddess_

_“...promise me Callie...”_

_“Anything honey...anything” Callie’s voice hoarse with emotion._

_“I, I don’t want you to forget me...”_

_“Arizona!” Callie almost screeched out, pain evident in her tone “I could never...”_

_She was silenced by Arizona’s shaking of her head, a movement so slight yet she was so weak it was only with effort she managed it “I know you won’t just... I want you and Sofia to be happy...tell her when she’s old enough to understand that I loved her...that she was mine too and...tell her how proud of her I am but...” she had to pause for oxygen. “...tell her it’s okay that she doesn’t remember.”_

_“She’ll remember you, she will, she will.”_

_Arizona shook her head even as Callie said the words. “My parents....”_

_In some ways Arizona thought leaving her parents was the hardest of all. Sofia was just 3 and would be over this soon; it was the way it was meant to be even though the thought of her little baby not remembering how much they loved each other near broke her. Callie, well there were no words to describe the pain her wife had, was and would be going through but she was young and time, they say heals all. Her parents would not heal, not this time, the wound had not healed over first time with Tim, just a weak scab had formed and it had been yanked right off when her news had come. Their wounds would not heal over_

_“...take care of them for me, Callie, you’re their daughter now.”_

_She had taken her time to find the most important words of all._

_“I love you, Calliope but you have to promise me that you’ll be okay, ok babe?”_

_Callie shook her head “I can’t, I need you, I...”_

_“Promise me you’ll not just sit and cry and die slowly, promise me you’ll get over this and...”_

_“No, Arizona, don’t make me promise something I can’t do, I can’t get over you, this I can’t....”_

_Callie’s tears mingled with Arizona’s so close were they now; cheek to cheek, lip to lip._

_“Donuts, lots of donuts...” Arizona even managed a laugh before becoming serious again “...promise me you will live a long happy life, full of laughter and silliness and fun ...” she whispered theatrically “...and sex and love.” “_

_NO!”_

_“Yes!” Arizona asserted with all the energy she could muster._

_They’d had this conversation before and Callie had promised to date and love even re-marry but she hadn’t meant it how could she._

_“Promise me Callie....”_

_This time Callie nodded and somehow she meant it even as she thought she heard her heart crack as she did so. Arizona smiled at her even as she whispered “...that you’ll live for me.”_

 

 

“I can’t Teddy, I just can’t”

“You’re breaking your promise to her, you know that right, the last thing she asked of you and you’re letting her down.”

She threw her out at that, uttering whispered profanities as she closed the door behind her ignoring Teddy’s last words, “Three years, Callie, three years you have mourned, it’s time to live.”

 

She busied herself making snacks for the two girls, anger at Teddy subsiding into guilt then re-emerging as anger once more, at Teddy, at Arizona, at the world, at herself. Lost in her own thoughts she was only vaguely aware of the conversation between the two little girls - fragments only drifting into consciousness. There was talk of the latest Pre-teen sensation and Shrek V and why grown-ups were so fond of green vegetables.

“Sofia?”

“Yeah, Maggie?” Sofia was concentrating hard on beating her new friend to a pulp on her Wii, bottom lip held firmly between teeth in a gesture that Callie knew had been learned from other Mother; it was quintessential Arizona.

“Who’s the pretty lady in all the pictures?” Callie’s ears pricked up at the reference, a sad smile ghosting across her face, replaced by consternation when she saw Sofia’s unenthusiastic shrug “I dunno.”

“Sofia Robbin!” The rebuke was sharper than she intended even if it had the desired result.

“Sorry Mama...” Sofia answered sheepishly “...that’s my Mommy....she doesn’t live with us any more, she had to go live in heaven to fix the tiny angels.”

“You have a Mommy and a Mama and a Daddy? Wow that’s cool!” Maggie was impressed.

Sofia whispered her response “I don’t ‘member her even though Daddy tells me stories all the time so Mama thinks I do. I get mad at her sometimes cause she makes my Mama cry a lot...”

She may have been whispering but loudly enough that her Mama heard anyway and her still fractured heart cracked anew. Was Teddy right, had she been living in the past, raising her daughter in a Museum, trying to force her to love a memory, was this what Arizona would have wanted. “...but she used to have shoes just like mine!” Sofia had continued excitedly

“...and she really liked donuts and pizza.”

“Wow she sounds like a really cool Mommy!” Maggie felt a little jealous cause her Mom only wore grown up shoes and didn’t eat donuts - ever.”

“Yup!” Sofia said proudly.

 

 

Mad at Teddy or not she was her friend so she met her at the bar as promised. Truth was Teddy was her best friend and wished only the best for her. And it wasn’t as if Teddy hadn’t walked in her shoes. Matthew was a nice guy and he and Teddy did seem mutually smitten over drinks. Probably just as well then he’d brought his friend Lucas or Callie would have spent the night talking to herself. Lucas was...nice...an interesting conversationalist...easy on the eye...and she had absolutely no interest in him whatsoever. The bar was nice, a real mixed clientele, both in age and otherwise. There was a smart casual vibe from the place; the sound of laughter and people having fun still audible over the steady hum of conversation and usual bar noise. She was having a good time, it had been a long time since she’d been out as an adult amongst adults and she couldn’t help but smile.

“Penny for them?” Lucas asked, he had a nice easy manner and a way of putting her at her ease.

Callie smiled “Just thinking how much Arizona would love this place.”

“Arizona?”

“My wife... ” Callie smiled – it never failed to bring a smile to her face, the fact that Arizona had been, was, always would be her wife - come what may “... she would have loved this bar.”

They talked for a while. Even exchanged numbers though clearly for nothing more than friendship. After Lucas took his leave of them and before Callie could do likewise the barman passed a fresh Mojito to her “...courtesy of the red head at the other end” he had smiled.

Before Callie could shake her head in refusal the same redhead had moved along the bar to the stool beside hers

“Hey, thought you needed company, your friend...” she nodded in the direction of Teddy and Matthew who were ripping up the dance floor “...seems to have abandoned you.”

“Uhm, aah, I...” Callie spluttered totally unsure of what was happening. Was the woman hitting on her or just being ultra friendly.

“It’s just a drink, no biggie... my name’s Maria and my friends have abandoned me too.”

She pointed out the very amorous pair of women on the dance floor.

“I haven’t seen you before, do you come...” Callie couldn’t help it, maybe it was nerves, or maybe it was just the absurdity of it all

“I know I’ve been out of the game for a while but...please tell me you weren’t about to ask me if I come here often?” She giggled.

Maria giggled back “Oh God I think I might have been!”

It broke the ice and the two women chatted animatedly for a few minutes just superficial stuff. Maria was a redhead but nothing like Callie’s friend Addison who was all smouldering sexuality. Maria was more bubbly, vivacious but with a little gravity underneath. Recently separated from a long-term girlfriend she was pretty, she was nice. Callie noticed her eyes were emerald green and immediately felt guilty for even noticing another woman’s eyes. Maria noticed the shadow that passed across her face almost exactly at the moment she noticed the ring on her left hand.

“Oh my God, you’re...I’m sorry I don’t hit on married women....I’m not looking for anything serious but I’m not interested in...” she spluttered.

“No me neither, I’m not interested in anything at all...I’m not...she died.” Callie felt nothing but relief, Maria was a nice woman and maybe in a different life... They talked, well she talked, about Arizona, about how empty everything was without her, how the pain was duller now but still ever present. How she didn’t want the pain to go away; the fear of forgetting worse than the pain of remembering. In the end Callie decided she needed more than a few running repairs to her face. In the solitude of the bathroom she allowed herself the luxury of a few tears

“Hey, you Ok? You’ve been in here quite a while.” Maria asked sympathetically.

“Yeah, sure...” Callie tried for nonchalance, fooling neither of them “...I’m fine.”

“It’s just I know you’re sad and lonely and upset...” Maria said coming closer “...I just wanted you to know that when you’re ready to start living again there will be lots of people interested in ...” she leant in and laid a gentle kiss on Callie’s cheek “...who knows I might be one in the crowd.”

 

Alone once more Callie couldn’t help but compare tonight with another incident in another bar bathroom – Maria was no Arizona that was for sure and her speechifying didn’t compare either and yet she couldn’t help feeling something, as if her heart and soul were beginning to awake from a long hibernation. She wasn’t ready, not yet but she would be, one day, she knew that now. One day she would be ready to live again...for Arizona...she would live again.


	18. Big Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callie and Arizona have a big decision to make (fairly fluffy – assume Sofia is about 2, and either the Plane Crash never happened or else Arizona has no long term injuries)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy fluff, that is all.

They made their way across the car park to the grey, non-descript building – Callie practically skipping with excitement, Arizona noticeably less so.

“Callie, this isn’t going to take long is it?” Arizona didn’t even bother to disguise the slight whine in her voice.

“Arizona! C’mon, this is going to be fun, choosing – together!” Callie retorted with laughter in her voice. She had had to practically drag her wife here.

“Hmmmff – fun – sure, forgive me if I can think of more fun ways to spend our first day off together without Sofe in months! Seriously, babe it’s not going to take more than twenty minutes, is it? I hate these places.”

Callie stopped in her tracks, just shy of the door way and turned to face her wife - raising their already entwined hands to her lips and pulling Arizona close as she did. “Honey we are here because you broke our other one, I told you to take it easy but no you lost control and....” smiling a bemused smile “...it will take as long as it takes...we are not rushing this, it’s a big decision and...” Callie dropped her voice to a sultry whisper “...when we bring our purchase home we can have hours of fun with it” and then ruined the effect by ending with an excited giggle “C’mon, let’s go.”

Arizona rolled her eyes, exhaled in exasperation and followed her wife through the door.

 

*********

 

“Well, what about this one then?” Arizona swore she was trying to be enthusiastic but this really wasn’t her thing. It was not that she wouldn’t use it, she would and get plenty of enjoyment from it but it just wasn’t something she could get excited about. Unlike Callie. Callie was like a child in a sweet shop, eyes wide, oohing and aahing as she considered the various options.

“Arizona – No. It’s way too small.”

“It’s the same size as our old one.” 

“Exactly.” Callie smirked; she found her wife’s disinterest simply adorable. Then again she found pretty much everything Arizona did adorable. After all their ups and downs, the obstacles, the breakups, the traumas overcome they were ridiculously happy. She was blessed with her life; her wife, her family and the greatest blessing of all was she knew Arizona felt the same.

She smirked again “Size matters, honey, bigger is better” She beamed and failed miserably to suppress her giggles at Arizona’s unimpressed reaction.

Hands still entwined until suddenly Callie broke away. “This is it, this is the one.”

“Uh, no, I don’t think so, Cal.” Arizona shook her head authoritatively.

Callie nodded back equally authoritatively “Yes.”

“Calliope? Really? No – it’s huge. It’s way too...” pausing as she noted her wife touching, no caressing the sleek lines “...just No.”

“Why?” Now it was Callie sporting the slight whine.

“I, I, it’s too...I wouldn’t be comfortable with one that large, it’s too much for where it needs to fit.” It really was and she couldn’t believe Callie really wanted one that size.

“It’s not too big, it’s just right – just open your mind and imagine the possibilities – you will love it babe...” she pulled Arizona close, swatting her ass playfully.

“Callie, if you want one like that go across the hall to Mark’s.” Despite her words, her resolve was faltering – the truth was she would do almost anything for Callie, big or small, though this fell into both categories.

“Really? You want me spending more time with Mark now?” Callie’s cheeky grin was matched by the smile that Arizona could not keep off her face even as she attempted a glare.  
“Besides, honey...” she whispered conspiratorially “...this is way bigger and better than Mark’s.”

 

She was on the verge of conceding too – that was until she saw the price tag. “Oh my God Callie, have you seen this? No, no way. No.”

Callie shrugged “It’s only money.” And braced herself for the inevitable rambling rant about money, about economising, saving and the importance of instilling proper values in their daughter and leading by example. Not that she disagreed with what Arizona would say; she was fully in agreement on all of that – she merely disagreed with her on the practical implementation of their shared beliefs.

She let her rant then interjected “...but Arizona it’s not that expensive, not for an’ all singing all dancing’ one like this – it’s got all these amazing features and it’s a Smart TV, totally interactive, it’s more than a TV, it’s a ,a life style and...”

“It’s a TV.” Arizona said tersely then much more softly “We need to start saving, for the future, for...”

“For what...” Callie was buying the 59” inch Plasma even if her wife didn’t know that yet.

Arizona sighed, and taking a deep breath, plunged in “For us, for Sofia’s college fund, for...”

 

“We have a trust fund for that.” It’s how she saw it, even if Arizona didn’t, not really. She loved her wife for an infinite number of reasons not least her attitude towards the Torres money. Arizona was neither overwhelmed nor over-interested in it. And it was theirs now. Legally, she had sat down with her father’s Lawyers shortly after their wedding. Having become officially domestic partners had made it simple. Arizona had objected to being made a beneficiary at all saying it should be Callie’s and Sofia’s alone but Callie would not be deterred. Pointedly Arizona had never once asked about its actual value. In fact Arizona had always made it abundantly clear she did not want to know. “Callie, I don’t care – for richer or poorer – remember. I don’t care if it’s got Fifty thousand or half a million bucks in it or just a few nickels and dimes.” Well she was only out by a couple of million after all.

“Calliope!” Arizona sighed again. “The trust fund isn’t infinite, we still need to save for stuff....like...” she worried her bottom lip between her teeth “...a house and...”

Callie couldn’t help but smile “A house?”

“Well, yeah, like the one you talked about, with the yard and the picket fence and now that she’s finally walking Sofia is out growing....” her words were swallowed by Callie’s lips on hers, a brief but still passionate kiss earning a disapproving cough from another customer in the TV aisle of the large electrical store.

“And...it’s not just Sofia’s college fund, what about the others and...”

“Others?” Callie’s voice sounded thick as emotion threatened to take over. “Mo-more kids?”

 

Arizona replied, head tilted to one side, a gentle smile gracing her face “Well, I mean I promised you ten kids, didn’t I? I mean I know we haven’t talked about it much not since Sofia was born...” they hadn’t talked about adding to their family at all in fact. The circumstances of Sofia’s birth, her months in the NICU, the constant if subconscious monitoring of her developmental goals had mitigated against it “...but you want more, that’s your dream right, when we did talk you said ten was excessive but kids plural is what you talked about.” 

Rash promises of ten in the immediate aftermath of the shooting had turned into a more measured conversation that same night and in turn into a silent acquiescence on future kids in time. Life returned to normal then got shot entirely to hell by Africa and Sloan and crashes and there was no more talk.

Callie wasn’t smiling anymore though. She wasn’t saying anything either. 

“What...Callie?” Arizona’s smile was broad now “Did you think I’d bail on my promise?” Bailing had, surprisingly, become a running joke, her way of letting her wife know that in fact bailing was the last thing on her mind.

“Do you want another kid? Callie asked, her voice little more than a whisper.

“I want what you want...” Arizona simply smiled back “...your dream is...”

“No.” Said too quickly. 

Arizona just looked at her quizzically then smiled again “...ten was always a bit excessive but I promised...”

“Stop! Just stop, please.” Callie was shaking her head now. “I can’t....I can’t do this...”

Arizona was no longer smiling now either. Her mouth opened but no words came out.

“I can’t do this...with you....here, I....”

“Callie? What did I, what’s...?”

“Not here, I can’t talk to you here. There was a coffee shop by the entrance. Coffee, we need coffee.” With this Callie simply turned and walked off leaving Arizona no alternative to follow in her wake. A confused, disheartened and slightly worried Arizona trudging behind

 

***********************

 

As she sat and waited in the corner booth her mind ran over what could have upset her wife so. One minute they were arguing about the replacement TV – only needed because she had in fact lost control over her heelies and tumbled almost head first into their old one – and the next minute...it felt like their perfect world had just tilted a little off kilter.

Lost in her thoughts she didn’t even hear Callie return carrying two lattes.

“You want the heart or the smiley face?” Referring to the elaborate designs the barista had made on their coffees.

Arizona reached for the smiley face, whispering with a weak smile “You can always have my heart.”

“Arizona...” the trepidation was clear in her voice, this wasn’t a conversation she’d planned on having today but as she began she realised it was one that was sometime over due.

“Callie, no....forget I said anything...we don’t have to talk about this, hey we have a big ass TV to buy remember?” the forced jollity was never going to fool her wife even as Arizona fell back into old habits of avoidance.

“You gave me my dream.”

Arizona’s face scrunched up in confusion.

 

“When you gave me our baby, you gave me my dream.” Callie reiterated simply, her voice level.

“Well, technically I didn’t gi...” Callie had her completely blindsided right now. Usually they were always on the same page these days, but at this exact moment Arizona wasn’t certain they were even reading the same book.

“No, you did.” Callie smiled as she reached across the table to take her wife’s hands in hers. “Mark gave me a baby, got me pregnant and...I will always love him for that...but...” Callie sighed buying time for the right words to form “....when you...when you stayed after I told you I was having his baby, when you didn’t run like any normal human being would have, when you said our baby...when I gave you your worst nightmare, you gave me my dream.”

“No. Don’t ever call her that!” Arizona was a maelstrom of emotions. “She’s not...”

“I know she isn’t, not now...” Callie hurriedly replied.

“Not ever! I have loved her since that first day, with Fields and the Ultrasound and...” Arizona was almost pleading, how did Callie not know this, after everything.

“Arizona, stop, just listen...” a reassuring squeeze of hands accompanied by a smile full of adoration and love “... I know how much you love her, you are the most amazing Momma and she adores you right back, that’s not what I’m saying, ok?”

“ ‘k.” A quiet mutter in reply.

“A baby was never part of your plan, a baby with a man you had to work hard to even like less so and... a baby living for months in your NICU... a little girl months behind her peers in walking and speech and...even now we don’t know how if...”

Now it was Arizona’s time to squeeze hands in reassurance “She’s perfect, our little girl is perfect just the way she is.”

Callie smiled at that then continued as if uninterrupted “...none of that was part of your dream, was it? Honestly?”

“No, but...”

“You gave me a family, our family, my dream...you’ve kept all your promises...you don’t bail...” a smirk at the word “...at least never permanently. You don’t owe me anything, babe and....I don’t want us to have ...”

“You don’t want more babies? Arizona asked, swallowing hard.

Callie took their hands to her lips. “It’s time for me to give you what you want, concentrate on your dreams.”

“I don’t know what that means?” Arizona asked in genuine confusion “you want us to stick with one...what...”

“If you want a house let’s buy a house, one with chickens...” Callie’s eyebrows rose “...if that’s what you want...ten of them...or leave Seattle, go back to Africa if you’d like...not Malawi...I’ll go anywhere with you...so long as we can be a family, so long as we don’t have to hide. Whatever your dream is, that’s what I want.”

“My dream?” Arizona asked rhetorically. Callie just nodded.

Arizona shook her head, a smile gradually forming on her lips. “Your dream is my dream.”

“Arizona, no...it can’t be all about what I want, you...”

Sometimes the truth was simple.

“Your dream is my dream.” Arizona repeated.

Now it was Callie who looked on in confusion.

Arizona was the one smiling now, a dimple busting one at that.

“Just because it wasn’t always my dream, doesn’t mean it isn’t now. You and Sofia and as many babies as we decide to have, that’s my dream...that’s what I want, not because it’s your dream, but because it’s ours.”

********************

The waitress approached to see if more coffee was needed but stopped in her tracks. They were strangers to her but it didn’t take a genius to notice that the two were sharing a moment, something significant. She retreated in silence.

“So...?” Arizona asked with a magnificent smile.

“A bigger place, a house...?” Callie’s smile was if anything bigger.

“And at least one more baby, maybe two?” Arizona looked like her face would split in too so big was her smile.

“And chickens...?” Callie was laughing now.

“Definitely chickens!”

The smile disappeared from Arizona’s face as she struggled once more for composure. “I can’t lose you, you can’t leave me, you can’t...”

Callie was speechless at the sudden change in her wife.

“I want more kids with you but...after your emergency section and your tbi and...Addison said that...” 

“Oh...” At the time, happy to be alive, happy that Sofia was alive, trouble with a possible future pregnancy was simply not something either of them had energy to focus on. “I don’t have to...I mean we could adopt, or use a surrogate or...if you wanted...” Her wife had never once expressed a desire to experience pregnancy, and as much as the idea of a mini-Arizona made her heart leap, it wasn’t a deal breaker; there would never be a deal-breaker when it came to her wife.

Arizona breathed out loudly. “Scares the hell out of me...but...yeah...we could try to get me...” the words she’d never imagined saying catching in her throat “...pregnant” a tentative smile transforming into a broad one before a laugh escaped.

Then they both laughed, and smiled and laughed and kissed. 

 

******************

 

Sometimes big decisions got made in the greyest most non-descript of places. Sometimes the big decisions were about big ass 59” TV’s and sometimes they were about somethings much smaller and, yet, much bigger, like babies and chickens.


	19. The Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arizona has a plan, but will Callie stick to it? If not they could be in trouble. Fluff McFluff could have written this one :-D

Callie giggled nervously as Arizona pushed her roughly against the door of their car.

"Uhm, honey? Not that I don't want to but...we're in a busy car park in broad daylight and our 3 year old daughter is only inches away so..."

The way Arizona's eyes narrowed in exasperation would have been enough by itself even if she hadn't punched her wife hard on the shoulder. "Callie! I'm not trying to...."Arizona shook her head, a smile peeking through, despite her the serious nature of the topic at hand "... can you please focus on the Plan?”

"Hmmm...the Plan, how could I forget?" Callie replied with a smirk. She figured this is what Barbara Robbins had to put up with for over 40 years and counting. The planning. The strategising. The “fail to plan, plan to fail" mentality that came hand in hand with being married to a Marine. Then again, her mother in law had knowingly married a Marine. She, on the other hand, had walked up the aisle towards a smiling, perky Pediatric Surgeon but somehow ended up married to a master military strategist all the same.

"Yes, yes, yes, Honey, the Plan, I know!" and laughed out loud.

"Callie! You are not taking this seriously, and if we don't stick to the Plan your daughter will go in there, fall in love with the first completely unsuitable animal she sees and we'll end up going home with a Great Dane named Stefan."

Callie failed miserably at stifling her laugh. "Why is she my daughter when she's in trouble? Or brings home a..." Callie smirked again "...Stefan?"

Arizona looked at her for a moment, an enigmatic smile adorning her face. "Because our little girl, she has the biggest heart and she gets that from you and..." She nodded with a smile "... she will fall in love with a Greyhound who needs to be walked 20 hours a day unless we stick to the Plan."

 

*****

 

"Maaaaw-mmies, plee-eeze!" Sofia Torres had been patient, she had been good... but ...really her Mommies needed to stop talking to each other, open the car door, release her car seat belt and get going. She knew how to open the belt herself but she wasn't 'lowed to, that was one of her Momma's rules and her Mami's too - she had to wait for them. But she had waited and now it was time to get going cause today was when she got to bring home a doggie. A real one, not like her stuffed toy Rover but a real one that barked and wagged his tail and everything!

 

They quickly released their little prisoner and made their way across the car park to the large, rather non-descript building. As they walked towards the largest pet shelter in Seattle, little Sofia swung gently from her Mommies arms. She never tried to swing too hard cause her Momma's leg didn't like that so much but it was just so exciting to be getting a real live doggie she just had to swing a little bit. She didn’t think her Momma would mind too much cause Sofia knew her Momma wanted a doggie just as much as she did - just don't tell Mami.

Sofia didn't pay much attention to her Mommies though 'cause all she could think of was her new doggie even though she didn't know what she looked like yet except that she was going to have a really, really, waggedy tail just like in the song her Mami sang to her last night.

 

*****

 

"So, just to be clear, the Plan is we..."

"Arizona!" It came out a little more annoyed than she intended, probably because in truth, Callie wasn't entirely sure this whole dog thing was a good idea in the first place. Dogs were....smelly and needy and...really, if you had to get a pet, well what was wrong with a cat? Even though cats were a little bit supercilious and mean and really if they had to have a pet what was wrong with a ferret? They were so underrated as pets, discriminated against even! She sighed and when she spoke again it was in a much softer tone. "The plan - in and out quickly - a dog not a P-u-p-p-y, 2 or 3 years old - fully housetrained already - a girl not a boy- a small dog, but not too small 'cause small dogs are too yappy."

Arizona beamed her most benevolent smile at her wife. "Exactly, that's the Plan."

"Told ya I was listening." Callie simply smirked. "Uh -oh honey she's doing her pee dance, I think it's all the excitement, do you want to get started on the paperwork and I'll bring her before we have an accident?"

 

*****

They had already been accepted as suitable adoptees. Callie had laughed that if they were adopting an actual child, it wouldn't be this hard. Not half.

They had been checked out, their spanking new house had passed muster; their yard had been deemed perfect for a dog, even a really big one. Then again it was a great yard. Big, part lawned, part gravelled trees and shrubs.

Their sleeping arrangements had been vetted and deemed adequate, although the inspector did indicate it would have been even better if the dog was allowed to sleep in their bedroom and not in the kitchen. Callie had put her foot down on that one. It was one thing to be stopped from making out with her wife by their rambunctious daughter but no way was a jealous dog going to 'vagina block' her too.

 

*****

 

As she sat at the small seating area in the corner, Arizona tapped her foot in mild impatience. The paperwork was completed and, when her girls got back from the bathroom, they were going to meet the latest member of their family. A medium sized well behaved girl in need of lots of love, but not too much, because they were busy people after all. Especially Sofia. Her social diary had more parties and play dates than any 3 year old, ever.

 

She couldn't help but reminisce on all the family pets she and Tim had adopted in their childhood. Many unofficially, nearly always without prior permission, and occasionally without even their parents knowledge. There were dogs, rabbits, cats, a hamster, four goldfish - one of whom had been a vicious cannibal and several birds with broken wings. Also, a tame white rat and two not so tame mice who escaped into the wider confines of her mother’s kitchen, having only been adopted into the family hours earlier after being caught in Timothy’s homemade humane trap. Still, the trouble they got into for Mickey and Minnie paled in comparison to their ill fated adoption of Pepe le peu. Even now, Arizona wondered who was most enraged - their father or Pepe the skunk. They had both, in their own way, kicked up one hell of a stink.

She giggled to herself at the memory, bittersweet as always. She had thought the piercing pain of his loss could never lessen, that laughter could never, should never sound again. She was wrong on both accounts. The pain was only a dull throb now, ever present but not only bearable but at times almost comforting. And laughter? It reigned, in her heart and in her home. How could it not when she shared both with her wife and daughter.

She was roused from her trip down memory lane by a loud clatter, a panicked shout that sounded a lot like " come back here you little bastard" and a high-speed blur of brownness coming straight at her. The blur appeared to notice, a fraction too late, that it was in fact in a kind of cul de sac. The blur seemed to skid sideways to a halt like cars did in old fashioned car chases. Or at least like they did in the movies.

Except in this case, the blur mistimed its skid hitting the leg of the long bench upon which Arizona was sitting. Hitting the bench with a dull thump, followed by a very loud and painful yelp. The blur, seemingly exhausted or else paralysed with fear, stayed stock still, apart from a low rather pathetic whimpering.

As Arizona bent her head downwards to more closely examine the nature of the furry brown blur now resting between her feet, the blur moved revealing itself to be nothing more nor less than a bundle of fluffy chocolate brown puppiness. Very adorable puppiness at that. As Arizona tilted her head to the left, the puppy seemed to tilt his to the right; as she moved her head in reverse so did it. It whimpered again as if in pain but remained otherwise immobile. Arizona looked up as she saw a rather officious heavy set woman come striding onwards them carrying what seemed like an oversized syringe in one hand and a collar and harness in the other. Looking down again, the puppy looked up through somewhat glassy brown eyes, and with a more muted whimper this time seemed to shuffle more snugly between her feet as if he had found a safe haven. A decision made in an instant, Arizona reached down, carefully scooping the brown fluffy creature up into her arms.

“Stumpy! What are you doing?" the owner of the rather shrill voice was the heavy set woman.

Arizona was, well, beyond stunned. She was used to curious stares and sometimes comments that ranged from crass to cruel but no-one, ever, had called her that.

"Excuse me? What did you just call me?" She kept her voice low, not wanting to startle the warm bundle now cradled against her chest; yet still there was an edge to it.

 

The owner of the voice panted to a halt, ignoring Arizona's question before launching in to a rapid fire 'half rant, half thank you' monologue of her own. Something about '...for catching him' '... always escaping, little brat'; '... shouldn't even be walking yet ...' all interspersed with air gasping pauses.

Then the woman held out her hands as if to take him and Arizona instinctively cradled him closer to her, so close she could feel his tiny heart beat thumping against her. She looked down at the still shivering bundle and smiled. Not a tooth baring smile, but a close mouthed smirk all the same. The little bundle extended its head just enough and a tiny pink tongue darted out and licked her on the nose before retracting and snuggling in to her close.

 

*********************************************************************************************************

 

The next words spoken were from a new source. "Arizona, what is that?" the loud whisper came laced with something more than incredulity, possibly a hint of a rebuke.

"Uh - uhm, hey, Callie..." Arizona had a vague feeling she was in trouble but she couldn't think of any reason why "...this is..."

"Oh, that's Stumpy, he's one of our patients at the clinic and..." the woman Arizona had mentally christened as Nurse Ratchet stopped in mid- sentence when she realised that the question most definitely had not been addressed to her. The taller brunette was giving dagger eyes to the slightly smaller blonde.

 

“Arizona, that is NOT part of the Plan. You do remember the Plan, don't you? Your plan!"

Oh, she did remember the Plan, but she had been ambushed. That part could not have been foreseen. But sometimes 'ignore'ance was the best policy, sometimes just like this.

Before she had a chance to ignore Callie, Callie spoke again. " You do know what that is, right? That is a P- u-p-p-y?" They both kind of dreaded the day that Sofia learned to spell, it was so handy, this universal secret code of mothers everywhere.

Dead set on ignoring Callie, Arizona turned to Nurse Ratchet but was interrupted again, this time by an equally familiar voice. "Momma, is that a Tiny Human doggie? Why does it have a band aid on, has she got a boo boo?"

 

Only then did Arizona take a closer look at the now relaxed bundle in her arms, so relaxed his eyes were closed and his breathing had slowed to a steady rate. In truth, she had been so enraptured by his cute button nose and those deep brown eyes and just the way his small frame fitted in her arms, she hadn't noticed much else. Hadn't noticed that his right ear had a tiny piece missing and that the fur on the right side of his head seemed a bit...singed? As if by fire. She even hadn't noticed the large white surgical bandage around his right hindquarter. Still, now that she looked at him, more closely, she really couldn't believe that she hadn't seen what wasn't there. What was missing - his lower right hind leg . Gone. She swallowed hard even as Stumpy opened his eyes once more, seemed to stare at her, and barked a solitary bark as if saying 'Hello'. Then closed his eyes again, squirming slightly just to get exactly comfy in this new soft bed of his.

Nurse Ratchet spoke again, this time to the cherubic little girl. "Hi honey, poor Stumpy here is a boy and..."

"Arizona, he's a boy P - U - P..." as far as Callie was concerned this was going from bad to worse but she was cut off before her intended tirade even got started.

"So..." Arizona addressed Nurse Ratchet who, having caught her breath was sporting a smile, not that Arizona was fooled by that "... You are a Veterinary Surgeon?"

Emily, for that was her name, smiled and nodded, “I volunteer here some weekends, I have my own small animal practice closer to the city." as she stretched out her hands for the now sleeping mutt but to no avail.

"So what happened to him? His leg? “Arizona shuffled over making room for Sofia who had now made her way carefully to her Momma's side, peering anxiously, at the bundle of brown. As her Momma listened to the nice lady with the mean medicine 'jection saying something about a ' truck and a akadent” Sofia’s bravery grew so she very carefully prodded the brown bundle with her finger before leaping back with a shrill 'Mami'.

Both Arizona and Callie turned quickly, just in time to see Sofia, who was holding up her finger, collapse into high pitched giggles "Momma, 'umpy lickited my finger!"

Well a stop had to be put to that, right away.

"Sofia, his name is not Stumpy."

"Well actually, we have been calling him that since..." Emily stopped when glared at.

"His, his name is not Stumpy..."Arizona brooked no dissent "... this big guy is a fighter, a survivor, he’s brave and he deserves a name befitting him, his name is , is...."

"Arizona!" Callie interjected. This was getting out of hand. "His new owners will name him when the time comes." She said it sternly, with authority.

Callie stared at Arizona, Arizona stared back. Blue eyes determined, brown eyes set.

Arizona peeked at the warm, now snoring, body in her arms once more then looked at Sofia whose eyes were darting back and forth at her Mommies. Arizona sighed loudly, then looked at Callie with a hint of a smile "...you are right, Calliope, they will..."

Callie's sigh of relief was short lived as her wife continued "... his name is Ike."

 

"No! “Callie near shouted just as Sofia gleefully yelled "hi, Ick."

"No Sofia, not ick - Eye Kuh" replied Arizona as Callie repeated to no one at all "No, no, this is not the Plan, what about the Plan?"

 

Emily muttered something about him not being ready for adoption for another week or so and more treatment but no one in the little family was paying her any mind whatsoever. Neither Sofia who was gently stroking the puppy, not Arizona nor Callie who were now engaged in a Mexican standoff staring competition and certainly not the snoring Ike.

Finally remembering the Vet, Callie took matters into her own hands. Beaming broadly she spoke, "Emily, our daughter Sofia would just love to see all the sick animals in the clinic, you should show them to her, NOW!"

Emily stuttered something about her not being a tour guide and it not being her job before faltering in the face of a very determined and, quite fierce, Callie Torres. Moments later, Sofia was happily sauntering down the corridor with the portly Veterinary surgeon.

 

*****

 

"Arizona, what the..."

"Please Callie?"

"We have a plan remember and Ike here is not part of it."

"...but Callie he's so..."

"He's a boy and he's a puppy boy. He will chew everything he sees. My shoes!" The horror of that thought alone made Callie shudder.

"So I'll buy you new shoes."

"He'll chew your foot!" Surely that had to be a clincher.

"15 million dollars Callie, I can buy myself a new foot".

"He's too big; I mean he will be when he grows up, he doesn't look like a small to medium."

Arizona smiled, "Yeah, he looks like a Labrador maybe with something else...ooh maybe a poodle cross. Which would make him a Labradoodle!"

"Now you just made that name up, there is no such thing as a, a..."

"Is too!"

"Arizona, he's disabled and..."

"Oh well I guess I should be grateful you didn't throw me out too so... "Arizona huffed and puffed

"Arizona that's not.... "Callie stopped when she saw the grin her wife was desperately trying to hide.

"Besides the correct phrase is differently abled and.... "

"Arizona if he's too big, he's going to be hard for you to handle on a lead and..." as much as she didn’t want to say no to her wife, she didn't want her wife hurt ever again.

"They are gentle dogs, have a great temperament and are often used as guide dogs so we'll train him and ... Callie, he found us. He got hit by a truck, like you did and he's lost a limb just like me and, please?"

"Okay”. Callie whispered gently. She knew when she was beat and the sheer look of joy on Arizona's face made the defeat a sweet one.

 

*****

 

They made their way to the clinic where moments later a yelling Sofia came trundling towards them.

"Mama, Momma look who I found!"

She was carrying a pure white and very tiny fluffy kitten. "This is Gimpy. She’s Icky’s bestest friend in the world."

Callie said, "Eye kuh, his name is IKE not Icky” while Arizona just shook her head at Emily who had arrived a few hurried steps behind and mouthed at her "Gimpy? Really?"

 

A brief explanation followed of how both injured animals had been brought in and operated on same day. They had been in side by side cages in the Recovery room. Both had whimpered and howled all night long, disturbing the other animals. One staff member noticed that the only time they stopped was when they stared at each other. He had put them in the one cage and immediately the kitten stopped her mewling. Shortly afterwards so did the puppy. Ten minutes later they were both curled up in a ball together fast asleep.

They had been inseparable ever since.

Emily called it "inter species love". Arizona called it "the love that dare not speak its name". Callie just said nothing.

 

A lot of extra paper work later they left the Shelter the proud owners of Ike and Fluffy. Both of whom would be discharged in under a week. Visiting hours were flexible in the interim.

 

*****

 

Callie had suggested calling the Kitten Tina much to Arizona's confusion.

"....you want to call our kitten after Yang?"

"No, Ya know, 'Ike and Tina', as in Turner? Ike and Tina Turner?

Arizona looked at her in horror "He's not named after him! He's named after the General!"

"The General?" Callie asked in confusion.

 

"The great World War II General - Dwight D. "Ike" Eisenhower".

Of course he was. The plan may have been shot to hell but Arizona was still the Colonels daughter. She was still Arizona, named after the Battleship, not the state.

And Fluffy? Well she was just...fluffy.


	20. Not in words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of fluff set in the future. Pretty much adheres to canon to end of Season 8. But set several years later. Sofia is 12.  
> (Written, if I remember correctly, before Boswell, but potentially could embrace all right up to mid season 11 but with a happy ending)

The footsteps gave her wife away; Callie would recognise them regardless of the type of footwear; whether it was the click clack of heels worn on special occasions or for meetings with the Board or the more common sneakers worn for real work and family life. Even the swish of her Heelies rolling along newly polished Hospital floors had been utterly and distinctly hers though it had been many a season since that sound had been heard. Her wife had always had a distinctive gait even before a Plane Crash had made it a little more so, the same one that had consigned the heelies to history.

Her scent would have been the next clue if her wife had been truly trying to be surreptitious. A scent that Callie would recognise anywhere. Arizona wasn’t actually being stealthy, not trying to sneak in the back door of their home even if she hadn’t called out her usual “I’m home - Anyone here, wife, children, Cookie monsters?”

So it didn’t take Callie by surprise when arms wrapped around her waist and a familiar body moulded itself to her own, head nestling snugly into the crook of her neck as if their bodies had been made for each other. Which, in fact, Callie believed they had.

The actions didn’t surprise her being merely a variation on similar homecomings too countless now to recall. The words did though.

 

“I’m crazy about you, Calliope Torres, about you and for you. I adore you.” Whispered gently into her right ear.

 

“Oh God, what do you want or is it a case of what have you done?” She turned from her position at the kitchen sink to face her wife, smirking broadly as she did. 

“What?” Arizona’s face was scrunched in confusion. 

It had been a long day of Budget meetings, interviews for both a new PA and a new Deputy Head of Peds since Alex Karev had finally spread his wings to take up the Head of Peds post at a Hospital in New York taking his wife (her PA) and their two children with him. Two lame surgeries bookended her day, surgeries she could do in her sleep and the last one she possibly had. In short it had been a day remarkable only for its sheer ordinariness - not bad not good; just a day, like so many others, mundane.

Coming home the usual route, hitting rush hour traffic, added to a low level but persistent irritability. Arizona had parked in her spot in their three car garage, the second as always full with Callie’s vintage Thunderbird, her much loved but now seldom driven baby and the third spot occupied by their family car, the far too conventional ( for her wife’s taste) but imminently practical people carrier. 

She wondered absentmindedly, as she took the groceries she’d picked up on her way home, if Callie had, as yet, reviewed the Tax Returns she’d spent her few spare hours the previous week completing on their behalf. She didn’t want to nag her wife but the paperwork had to be filed and as she always seemed to be the one who dealt with it the least her wife could do was look at it.

Noting the two bikes thrown haphazardly on the garage floor instead of propped up against the wall in their proper place she had sighed loudly. She didn’t want to be that parent, the one who nagged, the serious one, the disciplinarian but how hard was it to put things in their correct place? Still with Callie “tidiness is over-rated, mess is best” Torres as a role model she knew who was the real culprit. She didn’t want to be that wife either, the nagging bitchy one but Jesus sometimes Callie was just too laid-back.

Deep in thought she hadn’t greeted her household in her usual cheery fashion as she negotiated her way through to the kitchen. Normally, no matter what the day had brought - the good, the bad, the downright tragic – she made it a point to park her emotions at the door and greet her home, her family with a smile and a cheery greeting. Maybe it was because she was lost in deep retrospection, perched on the edge of a foul mood, that it had taken her by surprise.

 

The simple sights and sounds she was so accustomed to, nothing to differentiate this homecoming from countless others over the years and yet, it was astounding in its own way. Miraculous even in its simplicity. Familiar sounds of rambunctiousness wafting in through the open window from the back yard, blood curding yells interspersed with over-excited barking and the occasional frantic crowing from a discommoded cockerel.

 

And, the most stunning sight of all, her wife. Her wife. Her unbelievable wondrous sexy wife, her back turned, arms elbow deep in the kitchen sink, shaking her hips and ass to a rhythm all her own. Some silver sneaking through her wonderful mane of dark hair, hips a little fuller than in the past, but still the same sexy Latina goddess who had taken her breath away when first spotting her from the viewing gallery of OR 1.

She literally took her breath away, even now, after all their shared years, the tumultuous early ones, the blissful newly wedded ones and the years of domesticity of family life. Her body seemed to move of its own volition until she was wrapping her arms around her lover’s waist, whispering heartfelt words of love and desire.

 

“What?” Arizona repeated again.

Callie was still smiling, eyes twinkling, head tilted to one side, eyebrows raised question.

“When you tell me you love me for no good reason I know something’s up, babe.”

Arizona was offended or surprised or maybe she was just confused. “No that’s not...I’m not...I haven’t... I always tell you I love you.” She finished off with an emphatic short nod, totally at odds with the confusion brewing within.

Callie’s eyebrows rose mischievously higher, her smile broadening as she did.

“Well, you tell me a lot...during and after sex....and when one of us is going away on a trip...or if we’re flying somewhere, you know while you hold my hand in a death grip...and especially...” Callie was practically chuckling now “...when you want to have sex...” She finished speaking as she pulled her, now disgruntled looking wife towards her, placing a gentle kiss on the top of her nose “...and for the record, I adore you too.”

Arizona pulled away slightly, still allowing Callie to rest her hands on her hips, but just far enough away to see into her wife’s dark brown eyes.

“Are you serious? I really don’t say it? I mean apart from those times?”

Callie liked teasing her wife at times; sometimes it was so easy cause sometimes Arizona simply took a while to get it – that she wasn’t really in trouble - that Callie was just messing with her head. Even if this time she was speaking the truth.

“...cause I do love you, you know that right? Please tell me you...”

Callie could hear the real concern in her wife’s voice now even if it weren’t already obvious in her blue eyes.

“Arizona, honey...” Callie’s smirk was now a gentle smile “...of course I...”

But Arizona wasn’t listening “....I love you, I do, just as much as the first time I ever said the words, I...”

“Oh...” Callie could not resist, even if it meant Arizona thumped her after “...well, that’s ok, a bit disappointing...but ok...” she trailed off, sounding as sad as she could desperately trying to hide the grin that threatened to take over her face.

“Callie?” Arizona was thoroughly confused now, and concerned, staring at her wife with furrowed brow.

The grin took over accompanied by giggles even as she gasped out the words “...cause, honey I love you way more now than when I first said those words.”

Arizona stared at her, as the words sank in, as she got it, finally. A stare that started off stern but transformed quickly to a face splitting grin of her own.

“Mean, you’re mean, Calliope Iphigenia Torres, pure mean” but she was laughing as she raised her self on tip toes to meet her wife’s lips in a soft love filled kiss.

Callie laughed as she pulled her towards her in a tight embrace “I like to keep you on your toes, honey, don’t want you to get too complacent with me.”

“Never, never...” Arizona placed her hands on Callie’s ass, squeezing tightly as they kissed, more passionately now, expressing her absolute love for her wife, just not in words this time. A kiss and embrace that threatened to become more as Arizona pushed her wife towards the kitchen counter, a kiss that...

 

“EEEEEEWWWwwwwwwwwww.” A high pitched squeal followed by an almost identical one of “Kissing is ickeeEEEEE! Yeuch!”

“Yeah, stop, Mommies, that’s grosssss.”

“Charles Timothy Torres that is enough!” Arizona struggled not to have her seven year old hear the laughter behind the stern words.

“Ooooh Dude Mommy just ‘full named’ you...” his twin brother squealed in delight at his ‘older by 3 minutes’ brother’s misfortune “...then, in what he thought was a whisper, added conspiratorially, “...Mommy’s still got her hands on Mama’s butt.”

“Daniel Marcus Torres!” Callie rebuked immediately, with a patented stare that could reduce adults to tears never mind her two blonde tearaways.

“Oooh Mama just stink-eyed you, bro!”

The mothers rolled their eyes in synchronicity; their much adored sons were absolutely incorrigible.

 

Later that night, home work done - Sofia’s eagerly, the boys with the usual nightly battle of wits; playtime over, stories read – the Boy’s struggling through the Artemis Fowl series, Sofia reading voraciously everything from Harry Potter (at Arizona’s behest) to the condensed biography of Christian Barnard (at her godmother Cristina’s insistence) and after quiet individual time with their parents – Sofia’s last as at age twelve she was allowed to stay up much later, much to her brothers chagrin - Arizona found herself climbing into bed where her bespectacled wife was propped up reading old issues of JAMA. 

 

Another day over, a new one due to begin in just under eight hours.

 

Snuggling in to her wife’s side, her favourite position and place, perfected by, on and off, just over fourteen years together Arizona couldn’t help revisit the conversation from earlier.

“I’m sorry.” 

Said in little more than a whisper so Callie had to have her repeat it to be sure she’d heard her correctly.

“I’m sorry for not telling you I love you enough.” Arizona buried her face into her wife’s warm body.

Callie stared at the back of her wife’s head and sighed. That article on juvenile Osteo-Arthritis and stem cells would have to wait another night. Removing her glasses she snuggled down so that she was face to face with her wife, their legs automatically entwining through habit just as her hand seemed to move to Arizona’s waist and Arizona’s to her hip.

“Honey...don’t, don’t apologise... I guess neither of us say the words as often as we used to but.... you do tell....”

“But we should...” Arizona interrupted “...cause I love you more too, with every passing year, just when I think I can’t love you anymore I do and...I knew, you know, from even before I told you I loved you, I knew I always would...I mean I didn’t know if we would still be together or if we’d even be together in six months from then... ‘cause Iong term never seemed to work out for me...” Callie smiled as she listened – her wife had never lost her habit of rambling “...but I knew I would never not love you and...I still do, so much, so, so much Calliope.”

“I know.” Callie said softly running her hand along and underneath her wife’s tee-shirt, an old tee-shirt with the word Coach emblazoned across the front. Her sports-phobic wife had somehow managed to get herself nominated as first, soccer coach of Sofia’s soccer team and to add insult to injury, later to the boy’s. And she was the most popular coach too though Arizona herself was convinced it was because the kids loved making her practise their penalty taking with them as she was the only adult they knew who was terrified of getting hit by the ball.

“You do?”

Callie nodded.

“You tell me all the time, Honey, not with words maybe, but in all the little things you do. When you collect the dry cleaning cause you know I’ll have forgotten again and when you don’t nag me about being untidy even though I know it drives you crazy and when...”

Arizona was smiling now “...and when you stack my favourite snacks on the middle shelf so I can reach them but the boys can’t and when you always bring me a coffee after a long surgery....”

Callie nodded “It’s not just about words, babe, it’s in all the little things you do and I do, and the big things...like Charlie and Danny and...”

Her words were swallowed by her wife’s lips on hers.

“I love you Calliope.”

Callie just smiled, then grinned as she pulled Arizona on top of her. “Is that a ‘simple’ I love you or is that an ‘I want sex’ I love you?”

“Can it be both?” Arizona asked, not waiting for a reply as she kissed Callie deeply, placing knee between parting thighs as she did.

 

It could and it was. And fourteen years and counting they told each other of ever deepening love just not with words...for hours.


	21. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reminiscing over Valentines past. Set a few years after the plane crash and the amputation. They bought the Hospital but they talked and so the rest of it never happened. No Boswell, no Murphy; no more breakups.

.

A rare Sofia free night ( she was on a sleepover with the Grey girls ) led to their current position. Legs wrapped around each others waists as they bathed together in post - coital bliss.

Sweet kisses interspersed quiet conversation as they relaxed in the large roll top bath in the large En Suite of their master bathroom.

Arizona toyed with the silver necklace around her wife's neck and sighed. "Five years."

In reply to Callie's confused expression she said " You've been wearing it for five years, on and off."

"Hey, mostly on..." Callie chided gently "... and I intend to still be wearing it in 50 years." After an almost chaste kiss she added lowly "wow, five years, five Valentines, well six including today."

Arms wrapped loosely around each other now Arizona smiled and with a tilt of her head said. "Five years ago, we had necklaces, a collapsed Restaurant and...."

"... A quickie in an on call room." Callie filled in the blanks. 

 

Then sighing loudly "Four years ago..." Callie did not look back on her pregnancy as a joyous time, she remembered the bickering as well as her contradictory emotions of joy and guilt, love and fear. This time it was left to Arizona to fill in the blanks "... I had some wine, you kissed me; I joked that you just wanted to taste the wine. We made love."

"We did? Good memory." 

Arizona just smiled in reply; it was one of a handful of times Callie let her touch her intimately in that whole time. It was as rare as it was unforgettable to her.

 

"Three years ago..." Callie smiled broadly, they in unison added "Derek's trailer in the woods!" and they both giggled and blushed. " I have never heard you scream that loud..." Arizona blushed again. There hadn't been another living soul for miles and they had lost themselves all night in uncensored passion. 

 

They both stayed quiet for a while,the next Valentines Day was the most confusing of them all. Together but apart, in love but with so much as yet unsaid.

It was Arizona that said the words " Two years ago..." then stopped, sighed loudly.Calle pulled her closer, whispering "... we were a horror show."

Arizona smiled and nodded as she remembered one of the worst times of her life, " I really thought that Valentines night would be our night, the night I'd finally get it together, get my mojo back, be with you, that's what I wanted so badly and..."

Callie smirked as she kissed her "... Honey, you got your mojo back pretty soon after as I recall?" When they finally did make love again, it had been....well tentative, scary and then explosive, for both of them, multiple times and that passion , two years on had not yet dimmed.

"I know!" Arizona blushed,yet again "...but that Valentines I ..." she had fought with Callie so hard after they'd gotten home from the Shepherds, after she'd called Derek an egomaniac. Questioned if Callie still wanted to be with her, if she was still there only out of obligation not love; if she still saw her as a wife or just a roommate and potential business partner. Questioned too if, for all the fine words, Callie truly saw her as an equal parent to their daughter. 

"In a way that night laid the foundations for what we have now, honey, so its not a bad memory." Callie truly believed that. That night was hard, home truths were never easy to hear. Horrified and disbelieving as she was that Arizona could doubt her love, her feelings for her , both as a wife and mother; it was nonetheless that night that they laid all their baggage on the table. Laid bare. 

It was a fight, an epic fight. It was how it ended that was important. No one stormed out, no one slept on the couch. Barely speaking,with anger still seeping from their pores, they shared a bed, fell asleep entwined. A silent and mutual decision to stay, to slug it out, to love one another, faults and all. 

 

"One year ago..." and their moods immediately lightened. The long postponed trip to Fiji, Sofia and Arizona's parents with them. Two weeks break from the stress of being working parents, executive Board members, busy surgeons. Not to mention being mothers to a toddler still stuck in the terrible twos at age three, nor the ultimate stress of house hunting. Buying the Hospital had been only marginally more stressful.

 

"Yeah, who'd have thought all those years ago we'd be lying here in our super awesome bath, proud owners of a Hospital, a house, a dog and Sofia."

"Not me!"Arizona shook her head before yet again kissing her wife.

 

"Next year will be..."

"...interesting." Arizona sighed.

"well, yeah.". Callie beamed, as always excited at the prospect "....but by then..." And she moved her two hands to rest on Arizona's rounded belly ."... This little guy will hopefully have begun to sleep the night and you'll probably not still be breast feeding so...." and she raised her eyebrows suggestively.

"Can we just finish this Valentines sexfest first, before you start planning next years?" Arizona smiled.

"Oh so this years isn't over yet?"

"Nope..." her glowingly pregnant wife replied "... If you can haul me out if this tub, not by a long shot.


	22. Elephants and Daisys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very short one; a Valentines morning set in the future.
> 
> Fluff central.

It was Africa but not Malawi. The African Plains. 

It was warm unlike Seattle in February. 

And there were shrieking monkeys and elephants.  
Stampeding.  
Straight towards her.

And thats when she bolted upright, still in a half sleep as the door of their master bedroom flung open and the shrieking stampeding horde descended.

"Wake up Mommy!" Three and a half year old Christopher yelled as he flung his arms around her. Nine year old Sofia was only a fraction quieter with her "Mommy, Happy Valentines Day." She laid the plate of pancakes drizzled with maple syrup carefully on the night stand before she too flung herself around her blonde Mommy.

Seconds later their chocolate brown labradoodle arrived, barking excitedly at the mayhem followed by a frazzled looking Callie clutching two mugs and a pot of what the now almost awake Arizona feverishly hoped was coffee.

"Sorry,honey, I know you only got in a couple of hours ago,but they couldn't wait a minute longer.." Callie smiled apologetically just as Christoper, remembering the wild flowers they had picked from their garden, thrust a bunch of daisys into his mothers face.

 

Arizona smiled and just laughed "You can wake me up any morning just like this, Pretty Lady."


	23. Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arizona realizes what she said (at Baileys wedding) was wrong. Canon to 9.10 only. They haven't bought the Hospital, nor has Callie worked her magic on Arizona's residual limb yet. The Hospital is teetering on edge of Bankruptcy as a result of the payout to the Plane Crash victims and its policy having been invalidated.

"Torres! What's up with Robbins?" Alex had grabbed her by the arm and pushed her into Elevator No.3, the really slow one. Callie stared at Alex Karev, for an instant wondering for the thousandth time how the gruff, rude Peds Attending was somehow her wife's closest confidante in the Hospital.

 

Arizona's explanation that Alex reminded her of her younger self was, well, it was beyond believable. Or at least it had been until post-crash Arizona or 'shell Arizona' as Callie silently referred to her had made her debut. Still, even having seen Arizona like that did not explain the friendship. Shell Arizona existed as a result of the most unimaginable trauma. Karev had no such excuse. And real Arizona had, after several months, kicked that bitch to the curb. Arizona, her Arizona, was nothing like Karev.

 

"What?" Still, though she wouldn't let Alex know it, she knew that, besides herself, no-one in the Hospital knew Arizona as well as he did. No-one cared as much either. And Alex Karev only ever asked her about Arizona's for two reasons. First, she was giving him a hard time and he wanted Torres to soft-soap her into stopping or second, he was worried about her. Since the crash, and even after all Arizona's harsh words to him, it was usually the latter.

 

Callie swallowed nervously and repeated "What?"

 

"She's acting weird."

 

Callie’s eyebrows rose just a fraction.

 

Karev frowned, "I mean, weirder than normal."

 

Callie chewed on her lip nervously. Trust Alex to notice. It was barely perceptible, the change. If anything, most of their friends would say she was better. And she was, really. Just...

 

Callie sighed. Arizona's recovery was a work in progress but it had always had an upwards projectory and it had truly seemed that Arizona was becoming her old self again. She knew it hadn't been easy, knew that she would never truly know how hard it had been for Arizona. How hard the simple things were, the things that everyone took for granted until suddenly, one day you woke up to find you were missing a limb. When she thought about it, what her wife had achieved in the months since the crash was nothing less than remarkable.

And their relationship was back on track too. They weren't quite having sex yet but their make out sessions had graduated far beyond Junior High at this point. Yes, Arizona's progress had always been in a straight line upwards, till now. Or rather till a month ago, when it flat-lined.

It had even taken her a while to notice and damnit, as Arizona's wife, she should have noticed it. But her wife was better at hiding behind a mask than every comic book super hero put together. So good that no-one even saw the mask.

 

Except her, eventually and now, it would appear, Karev.

 

“What do you mean, weird?”

 

Karev looked uneasy, as if he was betraying a confidence, as if he was being disloyal and he'd already famously been disloyal once, disloyalty that cost him a seat on a plane and his mentor a leg.

 

"Alex, if there's something wrong with my wife I need to know..."

 

“In the last few weeks, it's...she's different...she doesnt play with the kids like she used to, joke with them, connect with them. She keeps her..."

 

Callie was silent, Alex mistook that for confusion.

 

"Look, Peds is different..." he thought of Stark and Barnett and clarified "... or Peds with your wife is different. The patients are different, you have to bond with them, sort of, so ya gotta know the words to Bieber songs and who Harry from One Direction is and the names of all the toys in Toy Story...and be able to do Kermit the Frog impressions.”

 

Callie couldn't suppress her smile as the image of Karev as Kermit flashed before her.

 

“Whatever!” Alex huffed in embarrassed annoyance.

 

"Alex, please, I'm sorry...go on."

 

"Look I don't know, it’s...like she's, shut down or...she looks the same, acts the same but...it's like...there's a distance...like she's..." He shoved his hands in his pocket. Truth was he didn’t know how to explain it but Robbins just wasn't Robbins.

 

Callie sighed. She'd seen it, felt it. When they'd first dated, it was like Arizona had an invisible shield installed round her, protecting her from hurt. A force field that had been broken down gradually as their relationship grew and bit by bit Arizona let her defences down.

And now it was back. It was subtle. So subtle that she couldn't call Arizona on it; not when there was nothing concrete, not when it made no sense. Not when it returned just as it seemed they had turned a corner. Bailey’s wedding. The end of the litigation, the judgement. The celebratory dinner that the four survivors fought against yet turned into an evening of remembrance of the dead and thanksgiving for the living.

 

"There’s been talk..." if nothing, Karev looked even more uneasy now, guilty even.

 

"Talk?"

 

"That these new changes are because of her?"

 

Hospital morale was low since the new round of budget cuts and procedural changes had been made. The pack of lupine financial consultants shadowing interns and attendings alike weren't doing anything to improve matters either.

 

"W-what?" Callie stuttered. People were blaming Arizona? That was insane, that was...

 

"There’s a rumour that Robbins being on the plane meant that the Hospital voided its insurance policy. That she's to blame for..." Karev stopped. When it came to who boarded that plane that morning there was more than enough blame to go around "...Look, she's your wife, you figure it out!" The caring friend disappeared as the gruff persona fell back into place. Callie wondered fleetingly if that was what Arizona meant; that Karev, in his own way, had a force field too. A shield against the world.

 

********

 

When her wife didn't want to be found, she really didn't want to be found. By the time she'd tracked her down it was almost lunchtime and Arizona was having hers in one of the least used most out of the way on call rooms in the Hospital. The small cold one on the eighth floor – Siberia.

 

"Hey, honey..." Callie hid her relief at the sight of her wife sitting on the bed, seemingly fine, browsing through a foodie magazine "... whatcha doing hidden away up here in Siberia."

 

"Just wanted some time to myself", she shrugged.

 

"Oh! I, you want me to..." the disappointment evident in her voice, tinged with hurt.

 

Hurt that stung Arizona too. There she was hurting her Callie again. Her finest talent these days, hurting the ones she loved. And she didn't even have to try.

 

"No, don't, I mean...stay, if you w...”

 

Callie's smile lit up the dingy room, "Excellent, 'cause we can have dessert?" She noticed the look of mild panic that flitted across Arizona’s face but she didn't take it personally. "Get your mind out of the gutter, Robbins, not that kind of dessert! I meant lime jello…" She bent down to retrieve the jello cups from her bag as she continued "...which is all kinds of disgusting but for some reason you love it and..." she stopped abruptly when she looked up and saw Arizona’s face begin to crumble.

 

"Honey, what's wrong?" she stood frozen to the spot. Even now, after all their progress, they weren't back to that easy physicality that had characterized them before.

 

"I was wrong." Arizona gulped before attempting to regain her composure.

 

She tried to inject some levity into the room, at a loss to know what had caused Arizona’s mini breakdown, " Well those are words I don't hear too often, can I get it in writing?" but the humour were lost on her wife.

 

"You should run. You should take Sofia and run as fast as possible, as far in the opposite direction to me as you can." Arizona's face was set hard, clearly trying to control her emotions.

 

Callie dropped to her knees in front of her, grabbing her hands despite Arizona's attempt to pull them away, "you and me both know that's not going to happen, not now, not ever."

 

Arizona shook her head, voice clipped now with the effort of holding back a deluge of tears. "If I were who I thought I was, a better person, I'd leave, I'd go..."

 

"Arizona, No." Callie said quietly.

 

Arizona laughed bitterly, "I was so arrogant, I thought I was a "good man in a storm, so sure I was ..." she laughed again as she remembered "... I even told your Dad that too, told him I protect the things I love... What a joke?"

 

"Honey, you are, you do! You are amazing, what's this about, baby? What's wrong?" the pain in her wife's voice cut through Callie like a knife.

 

"It’s all my fault, all of this. The hospital's falling apart, and I'm the reason."

 

Oh, God, Callie thought, Karev was right.

 

"I don't protect the... I hurt the things I love, the things and the people. And it's true. I nearly killed you and Sofia two years ago because i was jealous and now, due to my pride, my friends and colleagues suffer."

"Arizona, no, none of that is true...."  
"It is. You see what’s happening already. 15 minutes to take a patients history and treat them in the pit, asking set questions as if person’s body is an onboard computer. And all because the Hospital’s bankrupt and whose fault is that?"

The question was rhetorical but Callie tried to answer it anyway, "Arizona, no..."

 

"Mine." said flatly but definitely. Arizona swallowed hard. Eyes downcast, concentrating on their entwined hands, "I should leave, but I'm not strong enough, I can't, I can't leave you or my little girl... I'm sorry, I can't leave, I need..."

"Arizona, stop..."

"You'd be better off without me, safer and...It’s all my fault."

 

There was silence. Arizona, in part relieved that she'd finally admitted her culpability to all; Callie horrified that she'd somehow not seen the misplaced guilt till now. The invisible shield that Arizona had worn of late was not the one of yore. This one was not designed to protect her from others rather it was to protect others from her. It explained everything.

 

"I called our Attorney. I thought if I waived my share of the damages, my 15 million, that…”

"Arizona, No, you need that money, you're entitled to..."

Arizona continued "...but she said it didn't matter, said that if the Insurance company was correct it was an absolute loophole. All or nothing. So my friends get nothing; Sofia and Sloane get nothing for losing their father, Mark and Lexie's deaths mean nothing, the Hospital closes or changes irrevocably, all because of…”

 

"Stop! Listen to me." Callie’s hands moved to cup Arizona’s face, one rising her chin so that Arizona could look at her, the other wiping away the stray tears that had fallen despite her attempt at stoicism.

 

"Ok some stuff is your fault."

 

Arizona nodded even though the tiniest part of her had hoped that Callie would convince her she was wrong.

 

"It's your fault that I can't even begin to fathom, don't want to either, a life without you..."

Arizona breathed sharply.

"I had four days of facing that abyss, Arizona, and I don't want to ever have to peer into that again, not even when we're in our nineties, do you hear me?”

Arizona’s nod was almost imperceptible.

“Something else that’s your fault too..."

“Yes?"

“You are totally to blame for the fact that everytime I lay eyes on you I want to kiss you.” Arizona's smile was weak; no matter how often Callie said that stuff she knew it wasn't really true, not anymore.

 

"And it is completely your fault that I, a total badass, am raising a daughter who likes fifty shades of pink."

Arizona smiled a tiny smile, a sob escaping simultaneously.

 

"....And that I'm destined to live in the pinkest, most bedazzled bat cave in history."

 

"Callie..." Arizona tried but no more words came. Not even when Callie moved and sat beside her, pulling her in tight.

 

"And you are also to blame, not fully, but mostly for the fact that that this Hospital is the go to Pediatric centre not just in Seattle but in the whole of the North West. Maybe even the whole west coast too. And you know that! But the rest of it, it's not your fault."

 

"But..."

 

"It's not your fault a plane fell from the sky and it's not your fault that the Hospital put all your lives at risk to save money. And it’s not your fault you were allowed on that plane or that you didn't know about the Insurance Clause or..."

"But..." Arizona tried to argue even though, suddenly, what had seemed so obvious before was now just a little less so.

"The plane would still have crashed if Alex were on it. And the Insurance Company would still try to wriggle out and find some kind of loophole. I've been on that charter plane with more than one other attending before, so have you. Remember that conference we went to, the first time we left Sofia with Mark. You were going with that Pathology Attending and I decided to go at the last minute too. Would that have been my fault if our plane had..."

 

"Don't even say it..." the idea of Callie in that situation was unbearable.

 

"Ok, so it’s not your fault, ok."

 

Callie was so sure, so convincing, it was hard not to believe her. Especially when she so wanted to believe her. 

 

"They'll turn this place into one of those awful medical centers, take the teaching program away, tear its heart out and..." Arizona knew this.  
Her fault or not SGMW was on the precipice.

 

Callie sighed, "Look this place, our Hospital; it's been through worse and survived and it will survive this but it's not your fault, okay.

 

She didn't dare disagree with Callie not that she really wanted too.

 

“Thank you.” Arizona's words were barely audible as she laid her head on Callie’s chest and breathed out for what i seemed the first time since she heard of the Insurance issue..

 

Callie allowed time to pass, innately knowing her wife needed it but when she spoke again it was with determination. The tone was soft but the intent clear.

 

“You have to stop doing this, you know, hiding away ,trying to do everything by yourself. That's not how this works, okay? It's not."

“Callie, I was...”

“Trying to protect me?”

Arizona nodded.

“Well stop. You disappearing inside yourself helps no one; not me, not you, not our daughter.”

“It's what I do, it's what I've always done, it's not easy to just break the habit of...”

“Well not any more, you're a wife now and a Mom, you don't get to do that anymore.”

 

Arizona nodded, as Callie continued this time with a smirk "... besides you're not even all that good at the whole ‘hiding away and pretending everything's fine’ thing."

"Yes, I am." Arizona was nothing if not competitive.

“Oh really?” Callie smirked. " Well, I can see right through you now."

“Well...” Arizona smiled back a levity in her heart that hadn't been there in weeks “...that's just you, no one else can.”

 

Callie shook her head. "Two words, ‘Alex Karev’. And if that big dumb gorilla can see through your act, you're doomed.”

 

Arizona tilted her head,pouted then stuck her tongue out, "Fine." but the smile that followed was as genuine a smile as she’d smiled since the crash.

 

“Honey?” Callie was quiet now, her voice almost a whisper. “You've got to let me in, you once told me you were "all in"' so believe me when I tell you I am too. No more hiding your emotional pain.”

 

Arizona squirmed uneasily at the words. guiltily almost.

"Wait are you having actual pain too?" More than a hint of annoyance in her voice.

When Arizona didnt answer Callie knew. "Arizona! How many times have I asked you? Is this the reason you look like you haven't had a good nights sleep in weeks? Is it the reason for all the tossing and turning? You said it was nightmares but its not is it, its pain?” Callie shook her head admonishingly “Arizona, I'm an orthopedic surgeon, I could have helped you with this? Why didnt you tell me?

 

“How? When it's not real pain, it's crazy, I'm crazy, how can it be real when what hurts doesn't exist?”

 

“Hey it's called phantom limb pain, not phantom pain. The pain is real.”

 

After a lengthy silence Arizona admitted, “It hurts like a Bitch”

“Right now?”

By instinct Arizona shook her head but then she nodded, “J-just a little now.”

“Is there anything I can do?” Callie asked softly.

 

She hesitated, Callie was right, she had to let her in and for the first time she wanted to let her in too. “Sometimes massaging the residual limb helps?”

Immediately Callie’s hands went to her thigh, seemingly intent on touching her over her scrubs.

Arizona inhaled loudly and Callies hands froze. Arizona's exhaled and voice wavering with nerves said, “ Actually it's better if the prosthesis is off.”

 

Callie's silent question was answered by a nervous but equally silent nod. Arizona held her breath as Callie did likewise. In silence Callie gently rolled up the left leg of the navy scrubs:past metal, past plastic and began to undo the Velcro straps. In what seemed like a lifetime lived out in nano seconds she had removed the socket too.

 

It was the first time since those early days that Arizona had allowed her see the stump. Those days after Arizona’s discharge when, still so weak, she was dependent on Callie for the most basic needs. A dependency that only added too the anger, the resentment. Callie looked up to see how Arizona was coping only to find her staring intently at the ceiling. And then it hit her just how deep was Arizona's self loathing of her body now. She wished Arizona could see herself the way Callie saw her. Still the most gorgeous sexy woman alive. Arizona’s chin trembled as she stared resolutely away. And when Callie acted it was without thought, it was instinctive .

 

She bent down and laid the most gentle kiss on the healed scar at the tip of Arizona's thigh. She heard the gasp and when she looked up again, her eyes met blue ones, eyes now staring as if transfixed, staring in abject fear, terror.

 

“It's awful, I know,it's ugly and...” Arizona muttered in shame as she waited for the look of revulsion to appear but instead all she saw was Callie’s smile.

 

“It's beautiful, it's you, so it s beautiful.” Callie said simply and, with no more words,began to gently massage the thigh, easing tension from tired muscles, soothing truncated nerves and sinews with every stroke. Every now and then she would lay a series of kisses along the limb as Arizona watched transfixed.

 

There was nothing sexual about the kisses, the massage not foreplay to anything more but as Arizona watched and Callie worked something began to break inside her. Then Callie glanced up at her and the realisation hit. There was no abhorrence at the mutilated stump, just love for all of her. Simple and pure. As if her true self, her soul had been frozen out on that mountain side, it began to thaw. There in the much unloved on call room 8.09 known to all as Siberia her heart, her soul, the very essence of who she was returned. The catalyst was Callie; Callie's love.

 

For in truth she had never felt so loved as she did in that moment.

 

“I love you.”

 

Callie looked up in surprise. It had been a long time since those exact words were uttered.

 

Pulling Callie to her Arizona wrapped her arms around her, burying herself in Callies body, holding on as if her life depended on it, repeating over and over those three words.

Eventually, she looked up at Callie and smiling said “No-ones going to run.”

 

Callie shook her head and repeated Arizonas words “No-ones going to run.”

 

Then as an after thought “Unless you count both of us running after Sofia?”

 

And they giggled in unison. Just like they always did.

 

No-one was going to run, not now, not ever.


	24. And a day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set in Season 9. They have yet to fully reconnect physically after the crash and the amputation. Arizona is trying but realistically how long will it take before she is ready?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written before end of season 9.

It was just a night, nothing special. Just another night , like many nights before. And, like many recent nights what started out as a goodnight kiss had quickly morphed to making out and now to this. Heavy breathing,interspersed with low moans filled the air. As hands caressed bodies, first over then under night shirts, the moans increased. Those from the blonde just a fraction louder. Obliterating all thoughts of the past and the future; emphasizing only the now. 

Drowning out all coherent concerns, all justified caution. Patience out done by need. An all consuming physical need. Desire long unfulfilled, now the catalyst for amnesia. All pain forgotten,all fear set aside. All that mattered was the kiss; tongues gliding across each other, exploring willing mouths. All that mattered was the touch; hands outlining muscles, squeezing breasts, nipples. Months of pent-up passion manifesting in a cacophony of gasps and guttural groans.

Callie moved to part cover her wife as Arizona dragged her the rest of the way. Callie's thigh resting almost unnoticed now against Arizona's right knee. Maybe it was the lack of usual friction against a no longer present left knee that caused no alarm to sound. Maybe it was the pleasurable sounds Callie made as she cupped a pale breast that masked the sound of the warning bells. Or maybe, just maybe sirens screeched but nine months of celibacy drowned them out.

Whichever was true, one moment Arizona was lost in the throes of desire, the next....

"...s-st..stop, please....." passion progressing to panic "...Callie ...pl..please stop!" Heavy breathing rapidly changing to hyperventilation as she pushed Callie none too gently off of her.

"Damnit!" the whispered word involuntarily escaping from Callie through clenched teeth, accompanied by a frustrated sigh. Callie lay there, as if frozen by the sudden drop in temperature,desperately trying to quench the flames. Oblivious to everything but the need to douse her raging need. Unfulfilled. Unsated. Again.

Trying, failing.

Arizona lay beside her, eyes shut tight trying to hold back the tears that burned behind eyelids. Trying to stifle the sob that rose in her throat at the sound of Callie's muttered curse and exhaled sigh.

Trying, failing.

 

The few inches between them could be measured in miles. And it was her fault. She knew that. The tears scorched a trail down her cheeks as she attempted to explain, to apologize, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Calliope, it's not you..." She paused, attempting to swallow the lump in her throat, "...you know that, right? Please tell me you know that 'cause it's me. It's all me,I..I'm..."

 

The tone as much as the words brought Callie's mind rushing back to the present, "Don't...Honey, it's ok..." turning to lie on her side to face her wife, to offer comfort, assurance that it would be ok, that everything would be ok. 

Because it would. Eventually. It had to be.

"It's not okay though, it's not!" Her anxiety level increasing with every syllable uttered. "There's something wrong with me..."

"Arizona, there's nothing wrong with you,it's normal..." as she spoke she reached out to stroke Arizona's arm but her target squirmed away.

"It's not normal!" how can it be normal?" her blonde hair tumbled haphazardly around her face as she struggled to rise, turning as she did, away from Callie,until her leg hung over the side of the bed. "I have the most beautiful woman in the world in my bed and she wants to make love to me..." she shook her head furiously "...to me ... And I can't..." The repeated words spat out in a mixture of disbelief and self-loathing, the references to herself dripping with disgust.

 

In those early months, when every word was cloaked in hate, every look full of disdain, Callie thought nothing could hurt her more. She was wrong. Hearing, seeing those same emotions, again but now directed inward, that hurt so much more. 

 

"Honey...you..." Callie wanted nothing more than to hold her wife and make all the hurt go away, but she knew that's not how it worked. Arizona had to get there by herself, "... you've seen the literature and read other amputees testimonies ...you know it takes time to heal and..." she shook her head,her own guilt rising,knowing full well that at times she too had lacked the patience, the necessary empathy.

Arizona replied despairingly, "Years, Callie, for some people it's years, I can't, you can't wait..."

"It's not going to be y...we...I can..." Callie stuttered in reply, lost for the right words. Instead she just reached forward and laid a hand on the small of her wife's back and this time Arizona did not flinch away.

"...and for some people it's never, Callie, never!" She shook her head in defeat, then reaching forward for her prosthesis, fell into silence.

"What are you doing? Where are you..."

"I'm going to check on Sofia..." Arizona's voice was subdued,a whisper.

"Wh - what? She's fine, you don't.."

"...and I need to check on this article in JAMA..."

"In the middle of the night?" Callie asked in bewilderment.

"...I have a surgery tomorrow ..." she petered off "... I'll be a while, so you can..." She wanted to give Callie the time, the space to...she just didn't want to be a witness, not when she could no longer be a participant.

 

The truth dawned slowly on her wife.

 

"You, you want me too..." Callie swallowed thickly, "...take care of myself?"

The affirmative came by way of silence, though she could see in the half-light Arizona's jaw flex.

Now it was her turn to sit up, smooching over to sit behind her wife, embracing her in a tight grip round slumped shoulders.

"Take your leg off, and get back in bed." she murmured softly in Arizona's right ear.

"Callie, I..."

The interruption was both gentle and firm, " Now."

 

She did as she was bid,returning the prosthesis to it's usual spot by the nightstand and laying down on her side, facing the door. Callie pulled her back towards her till she fit perfectly against Callie's front.

Several moments passed before she spoke.

"I can't expect you to...you cant wait forever, Calliope.." as a fresh tear fell from cheek to neck.

Callie's response was to pull her tighter still, till no space at all existed between them, almost as if there was no place where one ended and the other began, as if there was only them.

"Yes, I can, forever,for you, only for you..." Callie lay her head on her wife's shoulder, squeezing their now interlinked hands, "...and a day."


	25. Good man in a storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A different, yet still sad, ending to Season 9. Written when I was in denial. Arizona is not a good man in a storm.

It had been the biggest storm to hit the Pacific North west since meteorological records began. That's what the, still, perfectly presented TV Anchorwoman on the Local network was saying. 

 

Arizona stared impassively as the News report unfolded on the large screen in the foyer. The large screen that had required a three hour meeting and a vote of the Board to have installed. At least that's how she recalled it. Her wife had assured her that, no, the decision on the TV was taken in minutes; it was the colors on the new Hospital logo or on the coffee holders or the Dermatology nurses scrubs that had taken all that time. All she knew was she had felt less like a world class Peds surgeon and more like a low grade operative in a PR company that day. That day, that meeting; so many days, so many meeting, so many moments. Moments when she no longer recognised herself, who she was, who she had been.

So many moments, so many days. since the takeover. Since the Compensation. Since the crash, since the amputation.

Since those four nights on a mountainside in the Cascades. Since the real Arizona Robbins perished leaving a shell of a woman behind. The shell she had tried so hard to fill,as she tried so hard to be a fake Arizona.

Tried so hard she had almost convinced herself she was real. Today she knew she had failed. Today she knew she was not the person she was raised to be.

 

"...and now we go to our correspondent on the ground at SeaTac where several large jets have been damaged..." She was listening and watching the Broadcast unfold, documenting the worst excesses of the so-called "Seattle Super-storm". Listening and watching but not really hearing or seeing.

After all she had lived through it, the worst of it hitting after dark, as so often was the case. The electricity grid was one of the first casualties, then the massive explosion only a block away. She had yet to know if their home had been spared any damage. She laughed sardonically. 

 

There was so much wrong with that sentence. 

Home.   
Theirs.   
Damaged.

Truth was, it was probably destroyed.  
By the storm.

 

Or was about to be.

 

"Arizona, Arizona, ARIZONA!!!" It was the near yell from her wife that aroused her from her thoughts, just in time to see Callie rushing to embrace her. Not enough time to avoid it, the all embracing hug, those hugs that once she thought could make everything better, keep everything safe.

 

Back when nothing else mattered.  
Back when she was awesome and Calliope was miraculous.  
Before the storm.

 

The storm that downed their plane, the storm that took it all.

 

"... I've been looking for you ever since the power came back on, I mean I knew you were in the NICU and then the OR....I knew you were safe but....I just needed to see you..." Callie pulled away for just a second, as if to confirm she was really there, really ok ".....what a night, what a storm."

"You... You were out there, in it... You, you're ok?" She asked, even though she could clearly see Callie was fine, even though it felt like someone else was actually doing the asking. Not her, not Arizona Robbins, wife of Dr. Calliope Torres. In a way it was someone else.

"I'm great, I'm .....and I talked to your Mama and the Colonel and Sofia is fine...God, I'm so glad they persuaded us to let her go to Chicago with them...." Callie spoke in an adrenalin fuelled rush "...but you probably phoned them already, I got through as soon as the Network was up again....

 

She hadn't. What kind of a mother doesn't remember to check in with her child?

 

"Oh God, what a night....and you, I heard what you did...oh my God..."

For a moment, or half a moment, it stirred her from her stupor...How could Callie know...had Boswell? ...but no she had seen her leave, an hour ago, when she had come to say goodbye. She had managed to get a Rental and was going to drive her way out of the State as it didnt look like the Airports would be functional for days. She had said goodbye, in that sexy soft way of hers, a half smirk half rueful smile on her face "...bye Doctor Arizona Robbins, I hope our paths cross again..." And then she was gone. 

 

Just like the storm.  
Devastation left behind.

 

But Callie was beaming with pride "... I'm married to a freaking Rockstar, Doctor Arizona Magyver Robbins..." 3 surgeries with torches, epidurals and you!!! And you kept everyone together, you are amazing, you know that, completely awesome..."

 

This time she had advance warning and managed to squirm out of the way. It was hard enough to hear the words without heaving, she could not bear to actually feel her wife's love right now. 

 

Even if it were her last chance to so do.

 

"Arizona?" For the first time she looked at her and was horrified at the sight. Her wife looked shattered, bewildered, shell shocked almost. 

"Honey, you're exhausted, you can leave now right? No,you are leaving, I'm taking you home..." That's when she remembered, the explosion,the fire,their Apartment block.

"Oh God..." Said simultaneously with Arizona's whispered "Home.." And a barely noticeable shake of her head. She spoke lowly, carefully, "You know what happened, right? Our apartment is..destroyed...all our stuff is ...lost, gone...." She said it quietly, not certain if Arizona knew, or...even understood what she was saying..."

Arizona repeated the words almost robotically "....destroyed...gone....over"

Suddenly, she reached up and stroked Callie's cheek ,murmuring, as if in awe "...you have the most beautiful eyes, Calliope...a person could drown in them..."

" Arizona, I need to get you some sleep, I need to get me some too..." Callie tried to keep her tone light but there was something about the way her wife was looking at her that terrified her, a vacant yet haunted look... It reminded her of that time, after the crash, when she seemed less her wife and more a shell.

 

Arizona smiled at her, a gentle smile and yet it seemed otherworldly somehow. Present yet not. There but gone. Arizona was suddenly dragging them towards the main exit as if suddenly filled with a purpose to be gone.

" Our best bet is to stay here, commandeer an on call room; we can't go home and we won't get a Hotel room for love or money."

 

"I have a room at 'The Archfield' " was Arizona's cryptic response. It was several blocks away, walked in silence. Callie told herself it was the exhaustion, Her wife's feats today in the Hospital would go down in the legend of that building. Not to mention the sheer physical demands of wearing her prosthetic for far longer than was good for her

She slowed her pace to keep time with her. Every step she took nearer to the hotel seemed to drain Arizona ten times more than the last. In the elevator she sank against its walls in surrender.

 

"Honey?" 

Arizona said nothing , her eyes dull ; Callie was worried now. The day had been incredibly stressful, the Hospital had been plunged into darkness on several occasions, the back up generator failing twice. When she and Bailey had finally got back the Hospital had looked like a war zone. And now Arizona seemed to be shutting down on her.

The silence not broken again till both were safely ensconced in the Room.

"Lie down, get some sleep....I know you're upset about losing our home and...but it's just stuff , I'm okay and you're okay and Sofia's okay...that's what...we are okay." She patted the space beside her on the Kingsize Bed as she finished.

 

"We're not okay." Arizona sounded like she was talking to a stranger then after a minute, "I booked the room earlier..."

"Ok, good thinking batman!" Callie retorted with a nervous giggle.

"I didnt want to do it in the Hospital, our Hospital, I didnt want to cheat on you there."

"What?" She had heard the words but they made no sense. None.

"I was here earlier with Lauren." Arizona's words were delivered in monotone,yet mistaking the confusion on Callies face, tried to clear it up "Lauren Boswell... Dr.Boswell." She nodded with that little bob of her head that Callie thought was so cute. Used to emphasise when she was even more right than normal.

"What?"

 

Seeing realisation finally dawning on her wife's face, seeing the devastation following in its wake, shook her from the robotic trance.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry"

"No! You wouldn't...no, Arizona you would never... I know you, you....NO!" Callies voice began confidently, intended in a desperate plea.

"You don't. You don't know me. Damn it, I don't know me, not anymore... I don't know who I am or...where I'm going,I ...

"You are my wife, damn it, my wife!!!! The woman I married , the woman, I took vows with , you ...

 

"But I'm not!!! I'm not her, don't you get it? That Arizona would never, could never imagine touching another woman. Would never....cheat..." Shaking her head in shame at the last word.

"You are her and...this is a Joke right? A sick, ill judged joke cause you're tired and..."

"No! She died. She died out there, don't you get it. She wouldn't have ever blamed you, hated on you, abandoned Sofia for months she was a good man in a storm, a good person, she protected the people she loved. She loved you more than anything in the world. She was good and she loved you,the moment she saw you she never even noticed another woman again."

Why couldn't Callie understand? Her wife was dead, she was a widow, had been ever since that damned plane...and she, Arizona Robbins was ...an empty void.

 

"You, Arizona, you love me.. You are the same ..... We, we can.... " it was too much, too much to bear, the pain where her heart had been till moments before, ripped out without mercy by her wife's words but... she couldnt, she just, they had fought too hard,come through so much ".. we,We can sort this out." The words made her nauseous. Words she never thoughts she'd say again "I forgive you, okay, it was just this one time, right?" She tamped down the hysteria bubbling in her throat.

"No."

"But, she's only been here a few days, how...."

"I can't forgive me, I can't forgive any of this." She shook her head furiously, "I had a plan, I knew where I going....then I met you and... Everything changed , and that was great but....somewhere along the line I lost some of me, and that was ok cause I had you and you were all I needed forever..." she took a deep breath, words tumbling from the deep recesses of her brain now, "But then the crash happened and the rest of me was lost too. And.....I ,I thought things were better, I told myself it was ok cause I had you and you were all I needed, wanted. That having you was worth it all, all the sacrifices. Losing my leg, losing myself, it was worth it....."

Pain, that's all she could see on her beautiful wife's face, pain and confusion. Put there by her. Arizona had never hated herself more...and she wasn't even done yet, "...then I met her, the first minute I....she flirted and God it felt good, l got butterflies when she smiled at me and... God I haven't noticed anyone else since I met you...and she made me feel the way I felt when I first met you. She made me feel like me and and she wanted me and God it felt good."

 

"I wanted you, you are all I want!" Anger mixed with begging made Callie shrill.

"I tried to, not..but it was like I was so drawn to her, like I couldn't stop...the woman you married would never have....I knew it was wrong and..."

"No! Don't do that. Let yourself off the hook, saying that you died on that mountain as an excuse to sleep with every slut who bats her eyes at you..."

It came as a shock, when she felt the painful whip across her face...it took seconds till she registered that it was Callie's hand, the hand Callie was now holding as if it hurt. 

"Why? If you knew it was wrong why did you do it?" Now it was Callies voice that seemed devoid of emotion

"She said I was pretty, and sexy . She knew about my leg a-and she still wanted me! She didn't have to, she wanted me, this me, not a version of me that doesn't exist anymore, Me! She didn't want me out of obligation or pity or guilt she just wanted me. And she reminded me of me, the me before."

"Before...?" The shrillness had disappeared, replaced by despair, "What part of that didn't you get from me? Arizona, Huh? I could not have been more supportive I could not have... "Callie shook her head, if she shook it hard enough maybe she would wake up from this nightmare.

 

"I'm sorry." The words barely audible.

 

"Was she worth it? Was it worth destroying your family for? Destroying your wife? For what? A-a quick fumble under the sheets. Did you make her scream your name? The way I scream...screamed, the way I.... make

"Calliope, don't..."

"No! Don't you dare call me that..."

"I didn't ...

"What? Tell me what you did, exactly..." Only if she heard the details, only then could she believe, believe that her wife could do this. Her beautiful honourable wife.

Arizona shook her head.

"We were happy, I thought we were happy, how could you do this to us? To me, to Sofia?"

 

Arizona shook her head. How could she explain, how could she tell the woman she adored that she wasn't happy, hadn't been happy...hadn't even known she wasn't happy until...

"Nothing."

"What?"

 

"I came here to sleep with her, I wanted to ....I..." Arizona shook her head. One week ago she could not have imagined being here, on the precipice, losing everything, jumping off, "... She kissed me in the Scrub room, I didn't respond to it, then she said we should go somewhere private..." She could hear Callie sobbing now, as if only now she believed it.

" I booked this room. I did that. I chose that. I took control."

 

Callie stared at her wife now, through her tears. Seeing her, maybe for the first time in months, really seeing her. Her wife needing to be in control. She could hear past fears, fears of what might come round the corner. Her need to protect, to be prepared for the next disaster. The fights over the Hospital, the "we can go anywhere", the"lets buys a house" and she heard her own words too. Negating her fears, her "I don't want to live like that", her pushing to buy the Hospital, her rejecting the need to move... Her needs, her cartilage research, her plan, Sofia... Had she done this? Had she pushed her wife to this. Had she so emasculated her wife that this was the only way she could regain Control?

 

" No, no NO," she wasn't letting her off the hook, maybe she had brushed their problems under the carpet but there was no excuse.. For this...for touching another woman, for... she suppressed a heave "...Arizona." And the floodgates opened because there was no pain comparable to this.

 

Arizona Robbins had never imagined she could experience this much pain from inflicting it on another. It was as if a surgeon could feel the pain as her scalpel cut deep into the flesh of her conscious patient.

 

"I left."

"What?"

"I couldn't do it, we were here, just like we are now...but I couldn't...I couldn't end us like that."

 

"You, you didn't sleep with her?" Callie tried desperately not to show hope.

"No."

 

And there it was, a glimmer of hope.

"You kissed her, that's all?"

Arizona nodded again, then shaking her head then as she silently mouthed a repeated apology. " I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry."

" You were tempted and you kissed her but then you resisted, right? You changed your mind?" This time the hope in Callie's voice was clear. It didn't make it right, it didn't mean they were good but... it meant, they were still... there was still a they.

 

" I couldn't end us like that, you deserve so much more than that." The flat monotone of earlier replace now by all the emotions.

"Stop saying that! We are not going to end, you didn't.... You were tempted and that's okay but you... The storm came and in the end you were a good man and... We will get through this and..."

 

"I should move out..." She paused, remembering the storm, the explosion, the fact that there was nothing to move out of..."...I will always love you, Calliope Torres."

"No, you don't... We will... We can go to counselling, we can get through this..."

 

Arizona shook her head.

 

And they stared in silence, tears streaming down both faces now. Could it be over? Truly? After everything they had gone through, despite all the love they both could feel. Callie could still feel the love emanating in waves from her wife even as she broke the silence , shaking her head even as she said "...I will never stop loving you, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." 

 

One loud sob, stifled by her hand was Callies response and then, as if an afterthought "me too, me too." 

 

There would be time for anger, for questions, for fights, now there was just intolerable grief....confusion.

 

"Sofia?" Callie could barely hear the one whispered word.

 

"Please let me still be her Mama, please don't take her away from me?" 

 

Throughout the blanket of fog and unreality of the last year; as she felt more and more of her true self disappear Sofia had been the one thing she'd not wavered on. She didnt know how she could live without her wife, even as she chose to end their marriage. But she knew that she could not live without her daughter.

 

It was then it became real, to Callie, truly real. This was happening, the why or how was not important, their love somehow was not enough. 

They were ending, right here,right now. In a Hotel bedroom, in the calm after the storm.

She didnt answer her wife, there was no answer, she didnt know the answer.


	26. Why? What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another alternative ending to Season 9. A much happier version.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not one of my better attempts :-(

 "Hey, is she asleep already?" Arizona had practically bounded into their bedroom moments before.

Callie peered out from behind her reading glasses, a bemused frown adorning her face, "Already? It's after ten?" She smiled at the inevitable pout that followed her answer - her wife hated missing those last few minutes of Sofia's day, those half - cranky, half sweet moments as their daughter battled tiredness while coming up with ever increasingly more ingenious excuses as to why it was "too early for bedtime yet, Mommies."

"Oh, I...." Arizona stuttered, she'd been on such a high after the elevator she had gone to Joes for a glass of wine, smiling broadly to Joe as she sipped a fresh Pinot Grigio.

"Good day, Dr. Robbins?" the affable bartender had asked; she had simply nodded with a smile. It had been, a really good day. One of those unexpected gems like a really sunny day in a month of Seattle Greys.

"Is Dr. Torres joining you? I have nice bottle of Merlot I can keep aside?" she and Callie didn't spend that much time at the Bar but when they did they always had long chats with him about their Sofia and his boys.

"No, no...she's at home with Sofia."

 

 

They so seldom went anywhere anymore together, she tried to think of the last time they were out together just to have a nice time. Bailey's wedding, she supposed. She sighed, a little sadness seeping in to her hitherto good mood. She loved their daughter, loved motherhood more than she would ever have thought possible but...it took everything, changed everything. She hadn't been lying all those years ago when she told Callie she liked her life just the way it was. There was a freedom about being childless that was, in its own way, exulting, exhilarating. The freedom to go anywhere without planning, without thinking, to do anything. Like those early days with Callie, those days when she saw Callie as almost beyond perfection, miraculous even. The days when she simply loved her, a simple love that had not yet been verbalized. It was hard not to miss those days. And looking through the lens of time the memories seemed enhanced,glowing like those sepia toned old photos of yore. Yeah she missed those days, days when she would catch Callie looking at her the way she looked at Callie. Admiration, anticipation; love, lust. It's not that Callie didn't love her anymore, she did. God, after everything she'd put her through in the aftermath of the crash love was the only fathomable reason to stay. Maybe with a hint of obligation too but love was the prime reason. And it's not like the lust was gone either. Callie had made that abundantly clear in the months after she had gotten back on her feet ( both real and prosthetic). It was just...different now. There was nothing they didn't know about each other, there were no surprises. They had dealt with all the bodily fluids at this point, from cleaning up each others projectile vomiting, both stress, virally and self induced to, Arizona colored at the thought, her urine from the bathroom floor. It wasn't so much magic as much as mundane. And that was great, it was, really.

There was something so very...satisfying about the routine of domesticity. Just...it was different now. And since the crash and the loss of her leg and all the harsh words spoken it wasn't realistic to expect the butterflies, they were a married couple, against the odds, happily so. These days when Callie gave her the raised eyebrows look it was less likely to mean 'come hither to my bed' as 'seriously,you want to reason with a toddler about tights?' And when Callie didn't listen to her ( which was frequent) it was probably because she was thinking about cartilage or Board voting strategy rather than because she was thinking up fifty ways to make her scream. That was marriage though, and motherhood. And after the last year she should just be grateful Callie was still there at all.

And she was...grateful. That's why it had been so surprising, today, to feel the butterflies again. It was...exciting; a beautiful woman subtly flirting with her, a stranger. It was nice, it felt like the old days when she could confidently declare that there would be women lining up for her. It was nice too cause it had been so unexpected. Embarrassing too, momentarily, when the stranger turned out to be the much vaunted cranio-facial specialist Dr. Boswell. Then the excitement returned cause she flirted again. Just because she was an old married woman with a baby and a disability didn't mean she was blind. Not to the woman's beauty or charisma or her Rockstar status in the surgical word. In a way she had reminded her of herself, a few years ago before love intervened and knocked her upwardly soaring career trajectory into a standstill. She had no regrets, she had given up Africa literally for love; exchanged her freedom for fidelity, but every now and then there was a nostalgic type of wistfulness. That's what she put the attraction down to, nostalgia. She had once been the player, the hotshot surgeon who would bat her eyes and see the effect on her hapless victim. She was the one who would set the bait, cast the rod and then reel 'em in.

However that was her past, Calliope and Sofia was her present and her future. No regrets. Still as the day had progressed she suddenly felt like she was the hapless fish being reeled in, temptingly slowly, by the luminous Lauren Boswell. It had bothered her, it wasn't right, but God that woman was... She wasn't a cheater, not back when she was having a series of monogamist meaningless relationships and certainly not now. Not even with everything that had changed in her life, she might not be who she once was, physically or spiritually but she was still who she was raised to be. ...and she was glad the woman would be gone in two days. It was one thing resisting temptation, but better if the temptation was removed entirely. She felt like she was cheating on her wife already. She didn't notice women anymore, not in that way, not since Calliope, and certainly not since the plane. But Lauren Boswell was no ordinary woman. Her heart had sank when the elevator doors had opened revealing the sexy woman who had filled her thoughts since morning. She did not have a good track record of resistance in the elevators of Seattle Grace; she closed her eyes and prayed that the elevators of Grey-Sloan Memorial had lesser powers. Boswell was an incorrigible flirt, that had to be it. She was probably one of those women who flirted indiscriminately with anything with boobs. Arizona knew it wasn't meant personally.

And she had made it clear, crystal , that she was married. Happily. Happily married. To a beautiful woman with sexy eyes. The sexiest eyes. She had listed it all, reminding herself too. She was happily married to a beautiful woman. Full stop. Not that Lauren Boswell was interested in her, not really. That's when it became magical. She told her the ultimate truth. She was disabled, she was a married disabled...freak. Really not worthy of flirting, certainly not of the flirting of a shining star like Lauren Boswell. But.. She knew already....she had known and still flirted, and the way she looked at her as she exited the elevator? Arizona recognized that look. A look of hunger, of want, of lust. A beautiful Rockstar surgeon with a killer smile found her...irresistable.... and that was simply intoxicating. Something that she thought was in her past, could no longer be part of her life, was in fact a possibility. Not that she would, she wouldn't, couldn't, but it was nice to fantasize. Sitting in Joes, sipping her glass of wine,she felt like the Arizona of old. Carefree, sexy, attractive.

 

 

"Oh? I didn't realize it was so late...I..."

"Did you get caught up in surgery? Thought you were finished about seven?"

"Uhm, yeah I was but then..."

"Wait till I tell you what happened with my cartilage submission today, I got a call from Chicago, Dr..."

And Callie was off. Arizona sighed loudly. Maybe because for a while Callie had to do everything, for Sofia, for herself, hell for Arizona too, maybe that was why now, sometimes Callie didn't notice that there were two of them in this marriage again. Two of them. Two great Doctors, two people with careers, with ideas, with viewpoints. Two of them with interesting things to tell at the end of the day. Two, not one. Two.

" Shut up, just shut up, for once just shut up about your cartilage and about you and your ideas and your plans a-and ..just listen, listen to me for once." Arizona's outburst had shocked herself into silence. The exhilaration she'd been feeling since the elevator somehow turning into aggravation at her wife, at them, at their life. Callie just stared , open - mouthed. Since the early months after the crash she hadn't heard Arizona as much as raise her voice, and certainly not to her. After the anger had dissipated, after rehabilitation had started in earnest, Arizona had just settled into a kind of contented passiveness. Which, right now, for the first time, she realized was kind of strange. Her wife was a passionate woman, passionate about her work, her 'kids', her Department. She didn't quite have Callie's fiery temper but a passion burned within Arizona Robbins all the same. And yet it had been absent recently,and only now did she notice.

"What?" Callie finally spluttered, her own temper rousing itself, "I listen to you all the..."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry....I ,I'm just going to cleanup and crawl into..I'm sorry."

"No!Hey, I'm sorry too...." Callie's voice softened considerably. Realization dawning suddenly now. Her wife had bounded into their bedroom with a supermagic smile only minutes ago only for her mood to change to anger and then meekness in two blinks of an eye.

"Come here..." Maybe she grabbed Arizona's wrist too robustly or just caught her off balance but next thing they new Arizona was practically straddling her wife in bed, nothing but clothes and a comforter.

"Oomph!" Arizona gasped, then with a nervous giggle, "If you wanted me on top of you, you just needed to ask..." and with a small, smile she leant down capturing her wife's lips in a sweet kiss. Callie's tongue responding by instinct to sweep across Arizona's lips equally gently; kissing always trumped talking. Always.

"Hey, have you been drinking?" The sweet taste of Arizona's favorite tipple was unmistakeable.

"Oh, yeah, I was in Joe's, I ..."

"Who were you drinking with? Why were you...."

"No-one, I just wanted a... Something happened to day and I just felt like a drink to..."

 

Immediately, Callie went into full on Mama bear mode, "oh my god, what happened? did you fall? Di-did one of the brats say something about your...is the phantom pain back again, what do you need m....."

"Damn it Callie, why do you always do that..."

This time there was no mistaking her wife's fury, even as she struggled to a standing position, "W-what? Arizona I , what...?"

But the only response was the bathroom door slamming shut.

 

 

 

Hot tears rolled down her face as she sat on her specially adapted shower chair just as the hot water rolled down her body in rivulets. The excitement from earlier just a cruel illusion, a bitter reminder of the past long lost. This was her life now. She had one leg; she was, to be politically correct, differently abled. You could dress it up however politely but she was disabled. A creature to be pitied not admired. Needing help. Not inspiring need. She could daydream about hot women wanting her all day long but the reality was that the hot woman she shared her bed with didn't see her that way, not anymore. She was a burden, a source of worry. A few steps further up the rung than Sofia but not an equal, not a wife. Sure Callie still slept with her but was she really what Callie wanted? Or was she just stuck with her, because this was her life now too.

 

 

A year ago she'd have followed her wife into the bathroom to find out what the hell her problem was...except a year ago Arizona wouldn't have stormed away. A year so they were disgustingly happy. A year ago before everything changed on a dime. A year ago. Or 11 months,1 week and three days ago to be precise. Now sometimes she wasn't sure what they were. They were married. And she loved her wife and she knew Arizona loved her too. Just...it was different, and sometimes she wished they could just go back, to the days before broken legs and broken promises, before the anger and despair. And she was tired. Tired of tiptoeing around her wife, tiptoeing around the issues. Maybe Arizona was right, maybe she didn't listen to her but how could she when Arizona never talked.

 

 

She'd hoped Callie would simply have switched the lights off and they could just ignore it. It wasn't important, it was nothing. But the lights were on and Callie's glasses were off. The JAMA issue featuring her TED speech thrown aside, a sheepish grin on her face, wringing her hands nervously.

"Callie...can we just..."

"No, we can't..." Arizona sighed loudly.

"You can't just storm off and then not tell me what I did wrong? If I don't know I'll just keep doing it, if we don't talk we..."

 

 

Arizona had just hobbled the last few feet, leaving her crutch beside the bed, her other leg still in the bathroom. Like before Callie threw aside the covers then grabbed her hands but deliberately this time, and with no awkward prosthesis in the way this time Arizona landed square on top of her with another "Oomph, Callie!" Callie laughed apologetically then with a smile, "Now I have you just where I want you" and she pulled her in even closer. Arizona raised her eyes to heaven and shook her head then leaned in for a conversation ending kiss. Except this time Callie didn't take the bait. "Talk to me!"

Arizona shook her head again, "It's nothing, I was just...."

But Callie dodged her second attempt at a kiss too. "It's not nothing, it's not nothing when you come home happy and I say or do something and boom, good mood gone...talk to me, please?"

 

"You dont... You make me happy ok?" She didn't want to get into this, into any of it, not now. Callie had stayed and she couldn't lose her, she just couldn't and so what if sometimes...it didn't matter, what mattered was she was still here, that's all that really mattered.

 

She could see it, wondered if it was just tonight or was it always there and she just hadn't just noticed. Fear. Etched on her beautiful wife's face. It was hidden, subtle, just a glimpse shining through behind the smile covering her mouth and a gleam in her eyes that suddenly seemed little to do with said smile and more to do with unshed tears. "I'm not going anywhere,Honey, no matter what, don't you know that? We can fight, we can argue, you can shout and be mad,ok? Hey I can even shout back but I'm not going anywhere, not now, not ever."

 

And she knew the truth in her lovers words, knew Callie wouldn't leave; she just wished she could be certain it was for the right reasons, not because of a promise made, not because of a different promise broken. And yet she knew now she needed to speak, to say something, because the silence hurt too much. "I'm your wife, not someone you have to look after, I'm supposed to be your wife."

It was too cryptic for Callie who just looked at her in confusion.

 

"You assumed it was something bad, cause that's how you see me now, the person that bad stuff happens too, the person you have to pick up off the ground when they fall...a person you need to take care of...."

No, hon..."

"Yes! and I have a mother, a great one and I don't need you as a second one, I need you as my wife. Not my mother, not my nurse, not my Doctor, MY WIFE!"

Her voice had risen incrementally to quite a crescendo but not in anger, just frustration,maybe in relief too at finally releasing it.

"Good things can happen to me too, I don't just want to be about the negative, I want you to be proud of me, and bask in my successes and listen to my ideas and...believe in me again, the way I believe in you."

"Arizona, I am, I do, I..I'm so proud of how you've dealt with this and your progress with your prosthetic and..."

"NO!"

The yell was loud enough to cause both to pause, waiting for any sign that Sofia's cries were about to be added to the mix but she was her Mami's daughter and could sleep through the most super of storms. The pause was enough to calm Arizona down several notches too.

"I don't want you to be proud of that, I mean not just that...I don't want it to just be about my... I'm more than my prosthesis,ok?"

Really Callie wasn't at all sure what Arizona was on about but she quickly nodded in agreement all the same.

 

"I'm a surgeon... A good one, I used to be a great one and I want to be that again... "

 

"You are a great..." Arizona shook her head "no...but I will be again and I'm a Mama and I need you not to be scared that I'm going to drop her or that I'll fall in the Park and not get up....and I need you listen to my ideas and my plans and not just dismiss them cause you're so used to having to make all the decisions . I'm here Callie, I'm back and I want to be your wife again , not just in the bedroom, I need to be your partner, your equal, I need you to trust me again."

Exhausted she fell into silence and almost immediately the fear returned. Enough to cause her to avert her eyes from Callie's

 

"Okay." Callie said so quietly.

 

Arizona looked at her and waited. And waited. And waited. "What? That's it? Okay!" she shook her head, "... You have nothing else to say, just Okay." Arizona couldn't help but be a little annoyed, she'd poured her guts out and that was it?

 

 

She felt Callie's tremors before anything else...then heard the low rumble begin, that became a total bellyaching laugh in nano seconds. Callie's arms tightened around her, pulling her into a tight embrace, while her laughing slowly subsided to a chuckle. Arizona tried to speak but this time it was Callie who prevented conversation, pulling her into a passionate open mouthed tongue exploring kiss, a kiss so deep, so all consuming that by its end both were gasping for air and or more.

"You're back." Callie beamed

"Uhm, yeah?" A still flushed and perplexed Arizona. And now it was tears, streaming down her Calliopes face, she thought happy ones as she was still,smiling but she wasn't sure. "I thought you were dead, for four days...they said from the very start that it was unlikely and... "

"Callie...I..." She wasn't sure she was ready for that talk

 

"....I'm not comparing it with what you... With the mountain but.... I thought you were gone and the pain was...it felt like someone had scooped my heart out with a spoon and.."

"Calliope..." She hadn't really thought about it much since waking up in that Rescue chopper but on the mountain it had hurt nearly as much as her leg, the thought of leaving Callie, of Callie bereft and alone. It too had felt like her heart was being scooped out with a spoon.

 

"... And when you came back you were so broken...and so...and your leg , the sepsis was so advanced, the first time I saw it when you were still sedated, I threw up. What kind of Ortho throws up at the sight of a mangled bone?"

"Callie..." Arizona spoke softly, hearing the still raw pain in her wife's voice tore her up, even with the knowledge that it was all in the past.

 

" I knew it couldn't be saved, not in a way that would allow you to ever bear weight on it properly again but.... You were so broken and... So angry and bitter...and I told myself that if I saved it I could fix you...."

"I'm sorry...I'm so.."

"No, don't be, you went through some kind of hell out there that I can't even imagine and..."

"So did you."Maybe for the first time Arizona realized that too.

 

"After the surgery, I sat by your bed, waiting for you to wake up and part of me just wanted you to sleep cause I knew when you woke up you'd never look at me like that again."

"What?"

 

"Like I was perfect, some kind of miraculous.... I know it's stupid but sometimes I would catch you looking at me and...wow."

" Callie, I..."

"It's ok, Arizona....I'm not miraculous or perfect and... Neither are you; we can both be hurtful and mean and... But we' re together we're here, you and me and... now you're back." Callie finished off with another beaming smile.

Arizona's raised brow revealed her confusion more than any words.

 

" I was so afraid you would never be you again, my kind sparkling wife....but after all the anger you got back to being you... But.. I...was so happy you didn't hate me any more, so happy too when you let me make love to you again that I didn't even notice..."

"What? That I'm not the same. Hell Callie I know I'm not the..." Really? What inadequacy was Callie going to point out now?

But Callie was smiling, laughing even. "That!"

"Huh?"

"I missed my feisty fearless wife who wasn't afraid to call me on my crap, or tackle Bailey or make brave decisions or just argue."

"You missed the arguing?"

" eleven months, one week and three days....but you're back."

 

Arizona smiled, then catching a glimpse of her leg, frowned, "Different though, not just the..."

 

 

"...leg, I know. I think we're both...it changed me too, changed us, but I love you so much, changes and all. And..."

 

"Me too, me too." A passionate kiss threatened much more and then, Callie stopped. " Wait, what had you in such good mood when you came in, anyway?"

Arizona smiled, mischievously " oh, nothing just a beautiful woman came on to me today."

Callie froze beneath her, as her wife smirked.

 

"What? Why? I mean, not why, WHO?"

 

" Lauren." Arizona said nonchalantly.

"Lauren who?" There was no Lauren, but the name sounded....the coffee cup! "She,she bought you a cup of coffee? You had coffee with her?"

 

It was fun watching jealous Callie, discovering she could still make her jealous, that for all the changes that was the same.

 

"well, she can't do that, she can't buy you coffee this Lauren person,I..."

 

"Well technically I stole hers, then she stole mine...nice way to start the day... A hot woman letting you know she wanted to see you again."

 

"No! You can't, you can't see slutty Lauren again!"

 

"...oops Callie , I already have, several times, and I'm seeing her tomorrow too... And she's not slutty..she's lovely, and very... competent and...hot, did I mention the hotness?"

"Why would you see her again?" An agitated Callie was sitting up straight now, jealousy and anger vieing for space on her visage, "... You shot her down right? Told her you weren't interested, because ..."

 

"Yes, Callie, I told her I had only one leg..."

"What's that got to do with.. You told her you were married, to me and that... Right?" As gratifying ,as exhilarating as it had been to be hit on by a hot stranger, this here right now, seeing her wife driven to the edge with jealousy. her hot, hot, gorgeous wife, now that was a thrill, that was , that was something else.

" Hmmm... She told me I had beautiful eyes, and she knew all about me, leg and all. It was...nice.. Hearing, seeing all of that, a hot woman wanting, interested. Tomorrow should be interesting."

"Tomorrow? You've arranged to.... see her again, NO! Oh my God, was that who you were with in Joe's? Are you interested in....no,NO! You are my wife, and... "

 

She'd pushed it too far, as a tear hovered on the brink of falling from her panicking wife, "Calliope...come on, you know I would never....could never...."

 

"I know...just..." Callie sniffed loudly as Ariona lifted her chin up to look straight at her, "...the last year....it's been so hard and we haven't exactly been....us...and I know I annoy you sometimes and.... You seem really happy that some stranger flirted with ..."

" hey, it was flattering, a woman who knows about my leg and still wants me...? And she could have anyone, I mean she's a hot Rockstar surgeon and... "

 

"She's a surgeon!" Callie's voice shot up several decibels. "Yeah, I told you Lauren, Lauren Boswell..." She really hadn't expected Callie to be this possessive, it was hot.

 

"No! You have surgery with her tomorrow, a long hard surgery, you'll be spendng all day with...you can't do that, get Karev to do the surgery..."

 

"It's a once in a lifetime surgery, no way is Alex getting his hands on it and..."

 

 

"I don't want you hanging around with that home wrecking slut...especially when you like her and think she's hot and..."

 

"Callie, shes not a...,shes a nice person and you even liked her, you said that... "

 

"I was misinformed... She's a home wrecking slut who wants to bed my wife and..."

 

"... but your wife doesn't want to..." Arizona stifled her smile at Callie's choice of language" "... 'bed' her, okay?"

 

"You sure?" The insecurity was loud and clear. Arizona just smiled, somewhere in the middle of assuring her wife, the truth dawned on her, as great as it felt to be flirted at by Dr. Lauren Boswell, Rockstar surgeon and her 'hotness', coming home to her even 'hotter' wife, her Rockstar surgeon wife, her now extremely jealous hot rockstar wife was far better, far more of an ego boost.

 

"As a member of the Board I want a veto on all hot visiting surgeons from now on..." Callie announced, only half joking. Arizona guffawed loudly before leaning down and kissing her wife,long and hard. It had been a good day, a great day and the night promised to be even better. .  

 

 

 


	27. Romance is Dead, long live Romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for a Callie_Arizona Community challenge earlier this year. Set a little in the future and written before Season 11 began. Valentines Day is all well and good but sometimes, as a busy surgeon and mother, all you want to do is catch up on sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last of these one shots. If I write anymore in the future I shall post them individually. Although my only ambition now is to finish all my unfinished stories. I might post some already finished ones, previously posted elsewhere, here in coming weeks. We shall see.

It was dark, as dark as Arizona's mood. Way past midnight.

 

Technically her shift had ended at 7pm, so she'd hoped when she was paged for an emergency at 6am this morning that she'd at least make it home in time to tuck her little girl in. But no. She'd had to stay late. Again. For the third time this week. Apart from rushed breakfasts she had barely seen her little girl all week. 

 

She'd lost a long term patient yesterday and today, two kids from a freeway collision died on her watch. Not her fault, it would have taken more than a miracle to save any one of them but still. There had been successes too but the losses always impacted that bit more, especially now.

 

And she'd been covering for her trusted Lieutenant, Dr. Karev for the past seven days too. Double shifts and so she was dog tired. She shook her head in depressed wonder yet again at that turn of events. How in hell did Alex get to sweep his new bride off for a honeymoon to beautiful Fiji, of all places, when, after all these years, she and Callie had yet to travel outside the USA together.

 

Arizona sighed as she laid her keys and oversized bag on the console table at the front door. The house was in semi-darkness, the glimmer from that one light down the hall breaking the otherwise pitch black. She edged carefully through their home towards the light, anxious not to wake any of the sleeping occupants,

"Goddamnit, Callie!" 

She just managed to stifle her annoyed yell into a disgruntled mutter as she regained her balance after tripping over a single upturned, apparently abandoned red stiletto. Callie's favourite shoes, hell they were Arizona's favourite too - the way they made her wife's calves and ankles look sexier than should be legal in any of the fifty States. Just not when they were lying as a concealed hazard in her own home. 

 

She looked cautiously for the other one, it wouldn't be too far away. She soon spotted its comrade, lurking harmlessly under a second console table in the wide oversized hallway. She sighed again in surrendered exasperation; she only needed to close her eyes to picture the scene, Callie kicking her shoes off with an energetic flick of one foot, then the other once she was done with them, not caring where they landed.

 

Entering their bedroom quietly so as not to disturb the sleeping huddle in the middle of their bed. She smiled quietly to herself notwithstanding her mood. The sight of her wife in their bed always smoothed the edge off a bad mood, and the sight of Callie stretched out as if claiming each and every part of the bed as hers never got old. Especially as now, with a Super King sized bed, she just couldn't quite stretch far enough.

 

A few minutes later, night routine completed, she switched off the light in their generous bathroom, sat gently onto the bed, removed her prosthetic and sock and gratefully sank into the warm embrace of their marital bed. Fitting herself snugly around her wife's body, every fibre and sinew in her body relaxed. She'd be asleep in moments.

"Hey..." A sleepy Callie muttered, "... long day?"

"Longest..." Arizona just managed a reply,"...sleep now."

 

 

The clock said it had been fifteen minutes of blissful sleep; Arizona, if asked would have said fifteen seconds. Tops. Fifteen seconds before the, by now, so-familiar wail began. Began, as always, as a low guttural sound but inevitably would build to a high pitched household-waking crescendo if given enough time.

 

"No, no..." Arizona groaned despairingly, "...no." Callie stirred too but engaged in the subterfuge of silence. If she wasn't awake, she couldn't hear; if she couldn't hear, Arizona would get up. It was her turn after all. She felt Arizona disengage from being big spoon,roll on her back and sigh in exhaustion. And then no further movement. Not even as the wail moved up a notch.

 

She knew her wife was exhausted,work being particularly manic for her recently. And her guilty conscience kicked in, "...I can go?" Said in a whisper.

 

"It's my turn, Callie." Arizona sighed again.

 

"You're exhausted, there's a bottle left over in the fridge so I can..."

 

"I said I'll do it!" She snarled back, tiredness the sole reason. Well with maybe a tiny dollop of parental inferiority complex thrown in the mix. With a little huff, and a slightly larger puff Arizona dragged her weary bones to the side of the bed. Putting on first the sock, then her leg with practised ease she stood and within seconds was gone, groaning not so silently as she went.

Callie wrapped the bedclothes tightly round herself as light entered and then left the room as Arizona opened and shut the door. She smiled to herself, content that she wasn't doing this particular night feed and bemused at her wife's grumpiness. It was out of character except when she was tired. Oscar the Grouch had nothing on a tired Arizona.

 

She smiled too at the sounds now coming over the baby monitor. A certain antidote to her wife's grumpiness was their kids.

 

" Hey, big boy, what you making that awful noise for?" Came a voice now bathed in gentleness. The " awful noise" subsided for a moment, it's source clearly recognising his Mommy's voice, before resuming but with less enthusiasm then before. 

 

"You hungry, little man?" Callie could hear Arizona reaching and lifting him from the crib, could hear the strain in her breathing as she adjusted her balance to compensate for the added weight of their hale and hearty six month old. Could hear too as the wailing subsided to a muted sobbing and then to a more contented gurgle as the gentle voice continued to talk.

 

"Oh you are an impatient little boy tonight, aren't you..." Arizona held her son close to her chest, inhaling his clean sweet baby smell, kissing the small tuft of fair hair on his head. No matter how bad her mood, no matter how weary her bones, no matter how her residual limb ached from over-standing this right here soothed it all. She didn't think it was possible to feel this a second time, that overwhelming, over powerful love for a child. She'd thought Sofia must be the exception, but little Christopher Timothy Torres was just as adored. Single dimple and all.

 

"Patience, sweet cheeks ...food is coming as soon as I sit down..." She whispered in his ear as he tried to gain immediate access to a swollen breast..."...you know you get your grabby hands from your Mama!" 

 

In the next room Callie smiled in faux indignation at that,then as sleep almost reclaimed her she stiffened as she heard the unmistakeable sound of a barely-recovered stumble followed by a simultaneous,

"Goddamnit, Callie!" 

And a fright inspired wail, louder than any that had gone before. 

 

She heard Arizona attempting to sooth the now frantic baby in her arms, "...it's okay, sweetie, Mommy's got you now...Mommy's sorry, I got you, Christopher, I got you..." Callie recognised the panic in Arizona's voice without registering the fact that the voice was coming ever closer until the door of their bedroom swung open and an unidentified object propelled through the air hitting her feet. Somewhat aptly as she quickly recognised it as her old comfy gym shoe.

 

"Jesus , Cal...could you tidy your stuff away just for once?" Arizona's words came fast and furious, "...I tripped on your stupid shoe! I could have, I could have...." She inhaled deeply,a calming technique learned from their marriage counsellor. one they both found invaluable at times. "...I could have dropped him, I could have..."

 

Callie was awake now, wide awake. If the shoe hadn't already ensured that then the look on her wife's face would. Scared, horrified, vulnerable, every emotion visible. Nothing hidden.

 

"Babe, I know... But he's ok..." Said softly in understanding, "... He's fine, look at him...he's fine..."

 

Arizona breathed deeply, Callie was right, their little son was unharmed, content and secure in her arms, nuzzling at a tee shirt clad nipple. She nodded, suddenly feeling foolish, "...I'll just go do this so..." nodding towards Christopher's nursery next door where a rocking chair awaited.

 

"Hey, feed him here, come to bed..." Callie patted Arizona's side.

"No, you were sleeping, I should let you sleep, I'll just..."

 

Callie grinned widely in the semidarkness, "...well I was asleep but then my wife threw a shoe at me..." She sighed dramatically, laughter seeping through despite her best efforts, ".... So now I'm wide awake and want two of my favourite people in my bed."

Arizona needed no further invite and moments later she was snuggled up against Callie as snugly as Christopher, now happily feeding, was snuggled against her in turn.

They sat there, a picture of contentment, in silence till Arizona spoke, somewhat sheepishly, "... I'm sorry for throwing a shoe at you..." She continued, "... But when I trip....I only have one actual leg, ya know?"

 

"uhm, yes but what..." It seemed an odd, if obvious,statement of fact.

 

"When you wear a prosthetic, it's like learning to walk all over again, like a baby in some ways. And it's hard, Callie, it's really hard."

 

Callie nodded, eyes narrowing in confusion all the same.

 

"But you learn, you learn how to balance again, learn so well it feels nearly natural, instinctual but it's not instinctual at all, it's learned so when you trip sometimes instinct kicks in but instinct is for two real legs so I'm more likely to fall if I trip than someone with two legs." She lay her head on Callie shoulder as she finished, "If I hurt him, I'd never forgive myself"

 

Callie sighed. Sometimes nowadays she forgot that Arizona was an amputee at all. Even when staring at her prosthetic leaning against a wall, or seeing her wheel chair in the corner or while stroking her residual limb she could forget. It was only a couple of years earlier when everything about Arizona, about them as a couple, was defined by her leg or rather her missing leg. It had been the catalyst for so much hurt, so much damage. It was different now. They were happier than they had ever been, more solid, their love was true and deep and based on reality now not some mythical fantasy of love.

"I'm sorry for being so untidy."

"You're not, not really, it's just with shoes..." Arizona replied, turning her head to meet Callie's eyes. "...I unexpectedly met one of your sexy red heels in the hall too earlier... Nearly broke my neck." She nudged Callie playfully to let her know it was ok.

"Oh, it's after midnight..." The mention of the shoes she'd been trying on earlier jogged her memory.

Arizona sighed, adjusting the nearly sleeping baby in her arms as she did." ...it's actually after one."

"Exactly so it's tomorrow already! Happy Valentines, Arizona, will you be my Valentine, again." Callie kissed Arizona on the cheek playfully.

 

"What? That's today? Its the 14th already? Ugh!" 

 

"Well, way to kill the romance,babe." It was so not the reaction she'd expected. 

Arizona groaning loudly turned to look at her wife in dismay, "Please tell me you don't have some elaborate plans for tonight, I just want to finish my shift and sleep...for days."

She bit her tongue, trying but failing to hide the disappointment on her face, "... It's fine, Arizona, nothing that can't be cancelled."

"Calliope..." Arizona felt guilty but her deep seated exhaustion won the day nonetheless, "... Maybe we can just do something nice next week?"

Callie nodded, smiled weakly and stayed silent. It was how they remained and soon Christopher was snoring loudly, head lolling against his Mommy's chest. It didn't take long before he was back in his crib and Arizona back in her bed, safely in Callie's arms.

Sleep coming for neither, no matter how yearned for. Entwined closely, Callie asked, " ... So part from an Attack of the Killer shoes what else in your day had you wearing your grumpy boots tonight?"

"Too much work, not enough people; crazy board, insane parents...the usual." She smiled into Callies shoulder, " ... Oh and a love lorn intern following me around with big blue puppy dog eyes."

The new interns had arrived last week, younger and more stupid than all that had gone before.

" Oh, which one? Do I know her?" Callie turned Arizona in her arms so they were facing each other.

" His name is James, he clearly hasn't got the memo yet..." Arizona smiled, "... So there's no need for you to worry."

Callie paused, thought twice but decided to say it anyway. It was another thing they'd learned in their year long counselling sessions. "I know that and if her name was Jemima I still would have no need to worry." She said it softly but the love and honestly was clearly audible all the same,

Arizona swallowed, the residue of shame flit across her face all the same. 

 

"Calliope... " she'd said the words so many time, apologies, assurances, yet her own need to say them still emerged from time to time, long after Callie needed to hear them.

 

Callie swallowed up her words in a kiss, finishing the kiss off with a playful peck on the tip of Arizona's nose, a nose their son had inherited. "I know...I trust you 100 %, I love you, I trust you, always."

 

Arizona nodded, she didn't doubt the veracity of Callie's words, but God it was nice to hear them all the same. She smiled at her, suddenly overcome with gratitude. For Callie, for Callie's love. For their two gorgeous kids and for the life they were building together.

 

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier, about cancelling plans. I want to be your Valentine, again.." emphasising the last word playfully, " .... Don't cancel your plans, our plans, whatever they are, they will be great."

 

"You sure?" Callie said with a smile, "... I know you've been working all hours but.."

 

" I'm sure, after tomorrow's shift, rather today's..."she frowned as she realised just how late it was, " I've got three days off to reintroduce myself to the kids...and to sleep so don't cancel.

 

Callie smiled, an idea forming all the same, "... Can I decide what you wear too?"

 

"Oh, God Callie." Arizona wanted to say no, but do you say no to a Callie Torres, really? "Fine but nothing too revealing, there's a lot of baby weight still..."

 

" Love handles..." Callie nuzzled her neck, "... Now sleep."

 

 

************

 

 

It had been a good day, all told, Arizona thought as she parked the car and walked up the short path towards their bungalow. As always she admired the white picket fence surrounding the small front yard, a yard dwarfed in size by the yard at the back. 

 

Karev and Wilson were back, and after showing her copious images of pristine white sandy beaches and crystal clear water, they actually managed to take some of her workload.He owed her big time for the last week, especially Alex. A debt she fully intended to have him repay for a very long time. Starting today when he worked through lunch so she could nip out. and collect the jewellery she'd ordered weeks ago. She may have been the Grinch who stole Valentines last night but generally the Romance in her still thrived.

 

And she'd collected the freshest largest bunch of red roses on her way home. and she'd showered at work, so she was ready for whatever Callie would throw at her. Fancy restaurant? Check. Dancing till dawn? Check. Making out in a sleazy bar? Check. Midnight ferry ride in freezing Seattle? Check.

 

Whatever Callie wanted, Callie would get tonight. What she herself wanted? A night in snuggling her babies on the sofa? That could wait till tomorrow.

 

" Hey, guys I'm home."

 

Sofia through herself excitedly at Mommy, smothering her with kisses and crushing several roses to pieces in the process, "Mama, mama..." She shouted excitedly back towards the bedrooms, "Mommy's here, Mommy's here."

 

"Mommy, are those flowers for me?" Sofia asked, her smile showing two missing teeth,"They're the 'sact same colour as my new Jammies, see?" She twirled around showing her brand new red onesie, featuring on the front her favouritest fish from the new Nemo movie, a lobster."

 

Arizona oohed and aahed appropriately at the onesie she had never seen before. Callie must have been shopping.

 

"Happy Valentines, babe." Callie's voice was sultry as she appeared from the hallway. Arizona had half repeated the words in reply before looking up and pausing in mid-word, "... What? Calliope?"

 

She'd expected Calliope to emerge looking insanely sexy in a sexy dress, clinging obscenely to her luscious curves. maybe wearing those red stilettos. She was wearing red alright. A red onesie, the colour matching their daughter's but this time sans fish. She was carrying a sleepy baby, clad head to toe, in a red baby grow, the soles of the tiny feet adorned with lobsters matching Sofia's.

 

" We got new Jammies for you too, Mommy, look?" Sofia thrust what looked like an identical red onesie at her, made from the softest snuggliest material Arizona had ever felt.

 

" Calliope?" She asked in awe but Sofia had more too add, "... And, Mommy, we got Pizza and Ice cream for dinner..." Sofia was in wonder at that, cause that almost never happened, "... And Mama said I can stay up late and snuggle on the couch with you and Mama and watch the fish movie again. Can I Mommy, can I? Mama said I could." Usually one mothers approval was all she needed but this was such a fantastical possibility she wanted to double check. " Mama said its cause its Happy Love Day." She finished with a couple of short authoritative nods that she'd learned straight from the 'Arizona Robbins' handbook.

 

" Calliope?" It seemed the only word which she could utter.

 

Callie smiled, simply saying softly, " I may have changed the plan just a little." The smile falling quickly as her wife's eyes filled with tears and huge drops fell down fair cheeks.

 

"Arizona? I thought that... Oh God did you want to go out and..." Her words drowned out by a kiss and a fervent "I love you, Calliope, I love you so damn much." The following kiss was longer, deeper, Arizona still holding the roses, Callie still holding Christopher. A kiss full of love and acknowledgement. Acknowledging how far they'd come together. Acknowledging that the rest of the journey would be taken together too, till the end of their days.

 

The excitement was too much for Sofia all the same. She joined her brother in gentle snores long before Dory and Nemo and the Lobster were reunited with their families. And soon there were only two red onesie clad people on the sofa.

 

" I have something for you..." Arizona said reaching for the distinctively wrapped box. 

 

" You bought me jewellery? As well as roses? Best wife ever!" Callie smiled before tearing the wrapping with abandon.

 

"It's my heart pendant? But how?" She'd been devastated a few months into Arizona's pregnancy when unnoticed her necklace and pendant got caught up in a pair of bloody scrubs and made it all the way to the incinerator. After that Arizona stopped wearing hers too in a gesture of solidarity. She told Callie that Sofia could have it when she was older.

"Well. It's not exactly. It's the same design as our old ones, I got a new one too. Not silver and gold though. These are made from Platinum. I was explaining to the jeweller last month what I wanted, and he suggested platinum. He said it was stronger and more durable than gold or silver but just as pretty." Arizona shrugged her shoulders just a little , shyly adding "I thought that summed us up pretty well now."

 

The kiss she received in return made it clear that Callie agreed. As it threatened to turn into something else Callie said, " I have something else for you too but we have to go to the bedroom for it."

 

In the bedroom, Callie slowly and deliberately unzipped her onesie to reveal heretofore hidden and somewhat scandalous lingerie.

 

Arizona swallowed hard before smiling, "So seeing as you picked my outfit earlier its only fair if I pick yours now, right?" She didn't wait for an answer before disappearing into Callie's walk-in closet.

"Uhm, babe?" Callie asked in confusion, " I was kind of expecting to take clothes off not put more on?"

 

Arizona emerged with a mischievous grin clutching only a pair of killer red stilettos.

 

By the time Christopher's predictable wails came through on the monitor several hours later they'd both agreed that sleep was overrated, romance not so. 

 

Several times in fact.

 

The End


End file.
